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  • - Howdy, howdy brew lovers.

  • Welcome to another episode of "The Juice."

  • The only round table talk show that has round hosts.

  • (Orange laughs)

  • - Today's topic com courtesy of Mad attach G&A.

  • If you could travel in time, where would you go and why?

  • - My, what a timely question.

  • (Orange laughs) (audience laughs)

  • Now let's squeeze out some answers,

  • 'cause I wanna know: What's "The Juice?"

  • (audience applauds)

  • - If I could go back in time, I'd go back to last Thursday.

  • A butterfly landed on a leaf, right outside my window.

  • It was such a nice moment, yay!

  • - Really, Marshmallow?

  • You could pick any other time in history.

  • - Oh, in that case, I'd pick yesterday!

  • - Let me guess: 'Cause yesterday a puppy

  • snuggled a kitten or something?

  • - How'd you know? (Marshmallow cheers)

  • - Well, I know where I'd go: June 24th, 1957.

  • A date forever etched in my mind.

  • I had just returned stateside from active duty,

  • in the Southeast Asia.

  • And as I stepped off the boat,

  • who should I see but a tall drink of water,

  • who goes by the name of Marilyn Monroe?

  • Yes, the Marilyn Monroe!

  • We locked eyes.

  • There was a shared understanding in that moment,

  • which was both physical and I'd even go

  • out on a limb and say metaphysical.

  • We conversed for an hour, perhaps two,

  • touching on a range of topics.

  • All of which Marilyn spoke to with ease and expertise.

  • As we parted ways, she asked me

  • for my landline phone number.

  • Sure, no problem.

  • I jotted it on my palm.

  • But it was sweaty, yah see.

  • I had that affect on women in those days.

  • They'd catch the vapors from old Grandpa Lemon.

  • And as soon as I finished, I saw the final

  • one in my phone number smudge into the number seven.

  • Marilyn was rushed off to some

  • red carpet event by her handlers

  • before I could correct the mistake.

  • And that was that.

  • She never called, because she couldn't call.

  • I came to find out years later

  • that Joe DiMaggio, who she married later that year,

  • just so happen to have a phone number

  • strikingly similar to mine!

  • One digit off, in fact, ending in a seven, instead of a one.

  • Quite the tale, yes?

  • (audience applauds) - Woe!

  • - Yeah, quite the tall tale!

  • - I don't believe it for a moment.

  • What do yah have to say to that, Grandpa Lemon?

  • - It probably just seems that way to you

  • 'cause you know, you're so short.

  • (Orange laughs loudly)

  • - Nice one, Grandpa Lemon!

  • - I'm surprised no one else has picked the future.

  • That's where I'd time travel to.

  • I wanna know where technology takes us as a society.

  • I wanna know what scientific breakthroughs await us.

  • - And I wanna see if the butterfly comes back tomorrow!

  • (Marshmallow cheers)

  • - I was thinking' a bit bigger, but yeah.

  • That's a reason too.

  • - The future?

  • Please, why would I go to the future

  • when I've already seen it?

  • - Oh my gosh.

  • Are you about to promote your EDM album again?

  • - Hey, there's are sounds on this things

  • you've never heard before people!

  • This is the future, and the future is

  • entitled the EP to end all EPs.

  • Every sound in track seven was recorded

  • by wild raccoons I let loose in the recording studio.

  • Let's have a listen!

  • - Let's not. (Marshmallow cheers)

  • - Hey, dang, I only have like 10 of those!

  • Ugh, anyway, it's an easy call for me.

  • If I could time travel, I'd go back 10 years

  • and get in on the ground floor of Bitcoin.

  • - It's not like you have much of a choice.

  • That's the only floor you could reach.

  • (Orange laughs)

  • (Little Apple laughs) - Where would you

  • time travel to, Orange?

  • - Mm, probably five seconds ago.

  • I kinda regret what I said to Little Apple just then.

  • I wish I could say something else.

  • - Aw, I appreciate that.

  • Well, let's take it back then.

  • If I could time travel, I'd go back 10 years

  • and get in on the ground floor of Bitcoin.

  • - More like Bitty-coin once you get involve, am I right?

  • (Orange laughs)

  • - Orange, I thought you were going to apologize.

  • - Why would I do that?

  • - Nah, I just got a better idea for a joke is all.

  • I have a reputation to maintain, you know?

  • (Orange laughs)

  • (Little Apple grunts)

  • Oh, I just thought of an even better joke.

  • Can we take it back again?

  • - Absolutely not!

  • (audience laughs) - Okay, okay!

  • Everybody calm down, 'cause I have a surprise.

  • Before the show, I contacted Dr. Bananas.

  • And he actually made a real time machine.

  • (audience applauds) Come on out, Dr. Bananas!

  • (audience and panel cheers)

  • - Yes, hello!

  • Thank you for having me.

  • This time machine is a single-use machine.

  • So I'm afraid only one of you will be able to journey

  • to your desired destination.

  • (audience and Orange sighs)

  • - We can only choose one?

  • - My vote's for Grandpa Lemon.

  • Partly, because I want 'em to be happy.

  • And partly, because I don't believe

  • his story about Marilyn Monroe for a second.

  • (Grandpa Lemon snoring)

  • (audience laughs)

  • - Maybe we should wake 'em up.

  • I mean, this could change the course of his entire life!

  • - Wake up, Grandpa Lemon, wake up!

  • (Grandpa Lemon snoring)

  • (audience laughs)

  • - Aye, wake up! - Don't worry,

  • I got this!

  • (whipping noise) Wake up!

  • (audience laughs)

  • (Grandpa Lemons snoring)

  • Huh, he's out like a light,

  • and he also out of luck.

  • 'Cause if he's not gonna use it I will!

  • Woo hoo hoo hoo!

  • - Wait!

  • (machine engine revs)

  • (racing lightspeed music)

  • - Listen, it's an easy go for me.

  • If I could time travel, I'd go back 10 years

  • and get in on the ground floor of Bitcoin.

  • - At your size, maybe you should

  • stick with Light-coin instead.

  • (Orange and audience laughs)

  • - Orange!

  • (upbeat folk music)

- Howdy, howdy brew lovers.

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B1 AnnoyingOrange orange time travel marilyn lemon marilyn monroe

Annoying Orange - The Juice #9: TIME TRAVEL!!

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    Summer posted on 2020/08/10
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