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  • And if you think about your own drug use back then why were you doing it?

  • Why do you think it was attracted to you?

  • I don't want to make excuses for my behavior.

  • But years later I had to go deep inside myself and address the root causes of why I got involved into drugs and crime.

  • And one of the things that the therapist helped me understand.

  • Waas that I almost got beat to death by some drunks.

  • When I was a teenager, I just passed my driver's license test.

  • Went to Philip rooms, Little red car with petrol, some drunk started to behave abusively towards me.

  • I thought it was brave to stand up to them, but it was a mistake.

  • They were like big in the twenties.

  • Will be player size, Got me on the floor, Started kicking me in the head, kick him in the body one pulls out when I am barges.

  • Bam knocks me in the in the teeth, actually knocking pieces of matif out.

  • Oh, I could do is just lie there like this in the fetal position.

  • My whole body is going Wallman them.

  • It got to the point where I couldn't feel the pain anymore.

  • So far they stop hitting me.

  • So help my eyes still like bam bam Hitting me I could understand Why Can't feel the pain of all time It's almost like to shit yourself, Honest I thought was gonna I was getting killed.

  • Um But I went unconscious on walk up in this period of blood and they smashed the car Windows of a vision was blurred.

  • I managed to drive home.

  • Parents took me to hospitals, brokers Latika got these next with you.

  • Three years after that, I won't grow up dance all sorts of women, too self conscious on I was I was really this introverted, shy person.

  • And then the race seem began in Manchester, Liverpool.

  • It just hit like Bluemel of the country.

  • It took ecstasy.

  • I will stop dancing, hugging complete strangers all night long talking to women and it transformed me.

  • Now that might sound like an advertiser.

  • Facts see But what actually happened?

  • Waas drugs became my crutch.

  • He starts out gets you this home The pleasures high but the pain is low.

  • But that reverses over time.

  • So for over 10 years I'm doing more and more drugs mixing my drugs up there in hard drugs, always trying to get back to the early feeling.

  • But I'm getting more and more addicted until I cross over into the dark side of drugs and all that shit hits the phone and you can never get back to those first few ecstasy feelings, right?

  • I've heard some scientists say that over time you build up some type of an immunity to it that you can never actually continue taking it and get those same highs.

  • Even if you wait in between the very first time you take it, it's just like your systems, just a virgin.

  • It's just like mind blowing.

  • But then the pain of the side effects just rises a slight little bit every time and the pleasure incrementally goes down tiny, tiny, bit every until they eventually cross.

  • And I only learned this in jail because the guys in jail we're at the end of that road of drug use.

  • 2/3 of hepatitis C from Joe sharing dirty needles, 90% were injecting heroin crystal.

  • If it was really sad yellow John, the skin teeth rotting out now because 30,000 to treat happens like to see interfere on if the jail treated them all.

  • The German go bankrupt.

  • They would rather you just die.

  • Get healthy prison on that bunk because they get $50,000 per prisoner toe house, you.

  • That's how they make their profits.

  • So they say to the guys that were dying from this, you know?

  • Well, if they if they sued in court and got the treatment awarded to the court, which is takes years, anyone delivers going up by them.

  • Some of the guys ensued in court on one of those cases and were eligible for the treatment.

  • The jail then say to them, is just one more requirement now for you to get this treatment.

  • Stop taking the heroin and some of them would just choose to take the heroin and I And that's how I saw the sadness of addiction.

  • And now the pain can rise way above the pleasure.

  • And you can't stop, right?

  • What's the pain when you taking ecstasy?

  • In the very beginning?

  • Yeah, The pain Waas having to take a break from dancing to go the toilet.

  • So there is pain with an ecstasy with it doesn't the pain does not register this is what I have to explain to school kids.

  • Okay, I did talk to schools across the country.

  • Andi, when you first take drugs, it's just fun, fun form, that's all.

  • You see, the pain is not going to register, but there are.

  • They're putting themselves on that road of drug use, which is eventually going to take them to a place.

  • Were that pain is going to be rising if they could, addict that they can't stop now.

  • That's not to say that most people who try drugs are gonna end up there than now.

  • Most people try.

  • We'd to try Ecstasy are going to go on self completely normal lives I may be able to do in moderation.

  • Where's people like me that got addictive personalities and me?

And if you think about your own drug use back then why were you doing it?

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DECIDING TO TAKE DRUGS: How Almost Being Beaten To Death Led Shaun Attwood To A Terrible Addiction

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/08/09
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