Why do you think it was attracted to you?

I don't want to make excuses for my behavior.

But years later I had to go deep inside myself and address the root causes of why I got involved into drugs and crime.

And one of the things that the therapist helped me understand.

Waas that I almost got beat to death by some drunks.

When I was a teenager, I just passed my driver's license test.

Went to Philip rooms, Little red car with petrol, some drunk started to behave abusively towards me.

I thought it was brave to stand up to them, but it was a mistake.

They were like big in the twenties.

Will be player size, Got me on the floor, Started kicking me in the head, kick him in the body one pulls out when I am barges.

Bam knocks me in the in the teeth, actually knocking pieces of matif out.

Oh, I could do is just lie there like this in the fetal position.

My whole body is going Wallman them.

It got to the point where I couldn't feel the pain anymore.

So far they stop hitting me.

So help my eyes still like bam bam Hitting me I could understand Why Can't feel the pain of all time It's almost like to shit yourself, Honest I thought was gonna I was getting killed.

Um But I went unconscious on walk up in this period of blood and they smashed the car Windows of a vision was blurred.

I managed to drive home.

Parents took me to hospitals, brokers Latika got these next with you.

Three years after that, I won't grow up dance all sorts of women, too self conscious on I was I was really this introverted, shy person.

And then the race seem began in Manchester, Liverpool.

It just hit like Bluemel of the country.

It took ecstasy.

I will stop dancing, hugging complete strangers all night long talking to women and it transformed me.

Now that might sound like an advertiser.

Facts see But what actually happened?

Waas drugs became my crutch.

He starts out gets you this home The pleasures high but the pain is low.

But that reverses over time.

So for over 10 years I'm doing more and more drugs mixing my drugs up there in hard drugs, always trying to get back to the early feeling.

But I'm getting more and more addicted until I cross over into the dark side of drugs and all that shit hits the phone and you can never get back to those first few ecstasy feelings, right?

I've heard some scientists say that over time you build up some type of an immunity to it that you can never actually continue taking it and get those same highs.

Even if you wait in between the very first time you take it, it's just like your systems, just a virgin.

It's just like mind blowing.

But then the pain of the side effects just rises a slight little bit every time and the pleasure incrementally goes down tiny, tiny, bit every until they eventually cross.

And I only learned this in jail because the guys in jail we're at the end of that road of drug use.

2/3 of hepatitis C from Joe sharing dirty needles, 90% were injecting heroin crystal.

If it was really sad yellow John, the skin teeth rotting out now because 30,000 to treat happens like to see interfere on if the jail treated them all.

The German go bankrupt.

They would rather you just die.

Get healthy prison on that bunk because they get $50,000 per prisoner toe house, you.

That's how they make their profits.

So they say to the guys that were dying from this, you know?

Well, if they if they sued in court and got the treatment awarded to the court, which is takes years, anyone delivers going up by them.

Some of the guys ensued in court on one of those cases and were eligible for the treatment.

The jail then say to them, is just one more requirement now for you to get this treatment.

Stop taking the heroin and some of them would just choose to take the heroin and I And that's how I saw the sadness of addiction.

And now the pain can rise way above the pleasure.

And you can't stop, right?

What's the pain when you taking ecstasy?

In the very beginning?

Yeah, The pain Waas having to take a break from dancing to go the toilet.

So there is pain with an ecstasy with it doesn't the pain does not register this is what I have to explain to school kids.

Okay, I did talk to schools across the country.

Andi, when you first take drugs, it's just fun, fun form, that's all.

You see, the pain is not going to register, but there are.

They're putting themselves on that road of drug use, which is eventually going to take them to a place.

Were that pain is going to be rising if they could, addict that they can't stop now.

That's not to say that most people who try drugs are gonna end up there than now.

Most people try.

We'd to try Ecstasy are going to go on self completely normal lives I may be able to do in moderation.

Where's people like me that got addictive personalities and me?