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Here's a simple formula that helps me think about stress in an intuitive way:
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Stress = unsatisfied desire * t = (want / have) * t
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So there are two key ways to increase stress: want more than you have, and increase the
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time it takes to get what you want.
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Using this formula as a foundation, here are seven rules to maximize misery and stress.
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(1) Desire to be there, not here.
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Before we can maximize stress, we have to create it, and we can create it by wanting
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what we don't currently have.
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In other words, desire to be there, not here.
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Where is there?
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There is anywhere but here.
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There is that place where you have more: more money, more intelligence, someone else's
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love, the approval of others, status, beauty, and fame.
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It's that magical destination that you're always running towards.
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But desiring to be there isn't going to bring misery on its own.
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Sometimes we actually get there, and overcoming the stress involved brings growth, transformation,
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and pleasure.
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So to achieve chronic stress and misery, we have to learn to never get there, to never
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stop running.
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We have to learn to create an unquenchable thirst.
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(2) Never learn from your mistakes, or better yet, repeat them.
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Once you desire to be there, it's very important that you never arrive.
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In fact, the further you can move away from there the better.
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Make random prediction about how to get there.
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Stop doing all of the things that move you towards it and repeat the things that move
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you further away.
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Through trial, error, and refinement, you can create a self-improving process that moves
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you further and further away from your destination.
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But it's important to hope that things will suddenly and randomly change for the better.
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Nothing causes misery quite like having your hopes crushed over and over again.
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If you somehow manage to get there, realize that there is now here.
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And if you're following Rule 1, you must refuse to be happy here, find a new there,
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and begin the process all over again.
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There is always another there to go to, always.
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(3) Be ungrateful.
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Remove the word enough from your vocabulary and replace it with more.
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Pursue more money, more knowledge, more beauty, more status, more fame, and more approval.
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Create an unquenchable thirst inside of yourself, and be like a dog chasing its own tail, always
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grasping for something, but never quite getting it.
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Refuse to enjoy simple pleasures like a sunny day, a nice meal, or a good joke, because
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that might convince you it's okay to be right here, right now.
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Travel from destination to destination, never stopping to smell the roses along the way.
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Sure, reaching the last ten destinations never made you feel as good as you thought it would,
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but reaching the next one will.
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(4) Be arrogant.
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To get what you don't have, you have to learn something new, and all learning begins
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in humility: knowing that you don't already know.
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So to maximize stress and misery, be arrogant.
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If you already believe you know everything, you'll never actually learn anything, and
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this will make sure you never reach your destination.
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But theres more to being arrogant than believing you know everything.
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Realize that you are the centre of the universe, and everything depends on whether or not you
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get to where you are going.
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Treat people like tools that either help or hinder you on your journey.
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Take yourself very seriously, constantly talk about how you're going there, and take no
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interest in the lives of others.
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This will be a good way to get rid of meaningful relationships that might otherwise challenge
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you to grow, keep you grounded, support you in trying times, and make life worth living,
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here and now.
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(5) Ruminate endlessly.
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Do you believe we think to enhance our experience of life?
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That mistakes are meant to be learned from and not dwelt upon?
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Well, think again.
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The purpose of thinking is to needlessly stress yourself out and fill your life with misery.
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Ruminate on your past mistakes, do nothing about them, and don't learn from them.
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Desire to change what can never be changed.
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Think about the distant and unreasonable goals you have, and reflect on how inadequate your
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life is in comparison.
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Instead of using your imagination to grow as a person and enhance your experience of
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life, let it make you miserable.
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Create elaborate, irrational stories in your head that are not based on reality.
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For example, assume that the person you like doesn't like you, even though you have no
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real proof that they do or don't.
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If you actually went and talked to them first, instead of creating stories about it, you
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might actually get what you want—so don't do that.
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Instead, create a grand story about why they would never like you, based on nothing, so
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you can live in a world where you can never have what you want.
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In other words, you can live in a mental prison of your own making.
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(6) Don't live sustainably.
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You can either sacrifice the future for the present or the present for the future, but
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don't you dare live sustainably.
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Instead of finding meals that are both healthy and enjoyable, eat junk food that tastes good
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now in exchange for your future health.
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Or go the other way and eat really bland, healthy food.
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Do this until you hate your life, break down, and binge on junk food again.
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Watch TV or play video games for eight hours a day until you feel like you've accomplished
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nothing productive.
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Then work non-stop for a few days until you feel like a soulless robot who never has any
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fun and just lives to work.
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Cycle back and forth between sacrificing the present for the future or the future for the
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present.
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This will keep you in a cycle of self-sabotage, ensuring that you always want what you don't
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have but never achieve it.
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(7) Keep people who follow the other principles around you.
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Now that you're sufficiently stressed out and miserable, it's time to take the final
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step: keep people who follow the other six principles around you.
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If everyone around you thinks the same, you'll never realize there's a different way to
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think.
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And if you somehow try to turn your life around, if you even dare to climb out of this hole
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of misery and stress, others will grab you by the foot and yank you back down.
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Or better yet, they'll make you feel crazy for thinking differently, and you'll jump
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back into the hole on your own just to feel sane.