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  • I'm just jealous of people

  • for living the life that I want to live.

  • I do it with everything. Like love-life.

  • Now that my love-life is a car crash,

  • I literally cannot be around happy couples.

  • Give me a cheer if you're in

  • a happy relationship.

  • Mate, it doesn't work if you drag your

  • girlfriend's hand up

  • when I ask that question.

  • Frigging caveman over here.

  • "She happy."

  • Give me a cheer if you're in

  • an unhappy relationship.

  • Right, we can hang out.

  • I love spotting these unhappy couples.

  • I saw one the other day.

  • I was on a plane.

  • This husband and wife walked on.

  • I don't know whether they were husband and wife,

  • but they were over 60. So if you're over 60,

  • whether you're married or not,

  • you're a husband and wife.

  • 'Cause there is nothing cringier

  • than anyone over 60

  • referring to themselves as: "boyfriend and girlfriend."

  • You're not in primary school.

  • And I know that's ageist to say,

  • but unfortunately it's true.

  • I met this guy the other day. He was old.

  • Like, old-old.

  • Like, you could have got into his iPhone

  • by showing it one of your testicles,

  • like that.

  • He had to be pushing 80.

  • And he introduced me to the woman that he was with:

  • "This is my girlfriend."

  • That is your next of kin.

  • So the couple come on.

  • The husband sits down, instantly falls asleep,

  • starts snoring out loud.

  • And the wife is looking over at him,

  • and loathing him with every fiber of her being.

  • At one point he did that thing where it looked

  • like he was choking in his sleep. Like...

  • I accidentally caught her eye.

  • She gave me a look as if to say:

  • "Shh!

  • If he goes, he goes."

  • He's got his tray table down.

  • She's written, "Do not resuscitate."

  • Whole flight, he snores out loud.

  • By the time it gets to the landing,

  • even the screaming baby was like:

  • "This guy's an asshole."

  • But because his seat was ever so slightly inclined,

  • the air hostess had to come over

  • and put it into the upright position for landing,

  • or as we know,

  • the plane would've burst into a ball of flames.

  • In doing so, she accidentally

  • wakes him up, and he was not best pleased.

  • He snapped at her.

  • He was like: "Oh, my God,

  • is... is it really worth leaning over

  • and waking me up

  • for the sake of two inches?"

  • And his wife went: "Not in my experience."

  • There were high-fives.

  • The pilot had to do an announcement.

  • "To the lady in row 33, you go, girl, you go!"

  • Everyone was loving it.

  • Other than me. I was thinking:

  • "This is the last time I ever sit behind

  • my fucking parents on a plane."

I'm just jealous of people

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A2 US wife husband unhappy girlfriend plane cheer

Jack Whitehall Loves Spying on Unhappy Couples | Netflix Is A Joke

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    VM3 posted on 2020/07/28
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