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Hello YouTube.
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I live in London, which is a pretty multicultural place, but every time I go into these Western grocery stores, I see how they sell rice and it just hurts my heart.
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Earlier this morning, I went to our grocery store, Tesco, and I bought a bunch of rice.
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And I'm gonna show you what they do to our beloved carb.
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Many different types of rice here that I'm never gonna eat, and I kept the receipt because I know I'm gonna return this shit after I record this video.
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Tesco Easy Cook Brown Rice.
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It says there on the packaging, this rice is easy to cook.
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I never knew that was a problem.
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Growing up, we just made rice every day.
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I didn't know making rice was a hard thing.
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You just dumped it in a rice cooker and pressed the button.
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Is rice hard to cook in this day and age?
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Is there such a thing as hard-to-cook rice?
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You start cooking it, your house burns down, someone breaks in and kidnaps your pets.
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That rice is so hard to cook.
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If only a scientist could come up with an easier way.
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As if the easy-cook rice wasn't enough, now they have boil-in-the-bag, easy-cook boil-in-the-bag rice.
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So you're gonna cook the rice and the container at the same time.
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Is that how busy your life is that you don't even have time to remove rice from its container before cooking it?
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I'm in such a hurry, don't take the rice out of the bag, just put the rice in the bag and we will boil both of those things together.
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So if you boil the rice in the bag, then you're gonna eat the plastic.
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Oh that's my favorite rice topping, you know, I put an egg on it and a plastic bag.
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This just sounds horrifying.
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You're eating plastic, my friend.
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Don't do that.
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And there's this electricity in the air.
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In the UK, the most popular brand of instant rice: Uncle Ben's.
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Their unique selling point is they come in a pouch, all right, and they make it really easy to cook.
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You just put the whole pouch in the microwave.
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So they went boil in the bag, that is not convenient enough.
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Let's get rid of the boiling and we turn the bag into a pouch.
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Just put the rice in the pouch in the microwave.
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Just, beep.
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That's enough Asian culture for me.
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It's time to squeeze my lunch out of this pouch.
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Squeeze it out like toothpaste.
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No good cuisine comes out of a pouch, all right?
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I've never been to a Michelin-star restaurant: "Holy, shit, that was really good, man.”
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"Yeah, man, my favorite dish, lobster from a pouch."
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And then Uncle Ben's, they have a whole array of different types of rice.
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Look at this, Chinese-style rice.
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If you haven't noticed, Uncle Ben's is a middle-aged Black person.
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I don't know if I trust this guy to make Chinese-style rice.
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Can we have Uncle Wong?
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"Uncle Wong's Chinese-Style Rice," maybe I'll give that a chance.
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Also, who is selling rice in a yogurt cup?
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Uncle Ben's, that's who.
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Oh, yeah, it comes with a free plastic spoon.
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You open it up, it's in there, you scoop rice out of this yogurt cup.
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Oh, it's delicious.
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That's how Asians all over the world eat rice, you know?
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We go to a street-food stall and they serve us a yogurt cup and then when we are finished with the rice, we put a string over these two cups and make a telephone.
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Just, oh, I can hear the sound of rice crying.
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Tesco Arborio Risotto Rice.
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Risotto looks like rice, but it's not actually rice.
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It is pasta.
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Stop selling risotto in the rice section.
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You can't just put the word rice after risotto and think, yeah, people are gonna be tricked into thinking this is rice.
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Asian families will love it.
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You can't east risotto with chopsticks.
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That's where I draw the line.
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It's not rice if you can't eat it with chopsticks.
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You're not gonna believe this, cauliflower rice.
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Oh, boy, white people have really outdone themselves here.
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Cauliflower rice.
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What's next, white people?
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I can't believe it's not rice?
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You're making rice from cauliflower?
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Why're you still calling it rice, then?
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Just call it cauliflower granules of shit that nobody likes.
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This hurts my heart.
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This is not Asian, but it seems like Western grocery stores also bring in other races into the mix.
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"Oh, we are so cultured."
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We got Tesco Spicy Mexican Inspired Rice.
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So who inspired you to make this rice?
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A spicy Mexican.
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If you wanna buy good rice, go to an Asian grocery store, where they sell rice by the largest sacks and the rice is actually fresh and it's good.
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I'm gonna stop talking about rice now because it's really upsetting me.