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  • You know that horrible moment when you realize you fucked up?

  • Oh fuck.

  • OH FUCK!

  • *gasp* ~oh pho~ ~mmmmmmmmmmmmm~

  • There are two possibilities when you've messed up: you can own it, and apologize.

  • "Hey, I'm really sorry, I- I had a big overreaction to that, and I got really angry,

  • and I said some things that totally went over the line..."

  • "...and I promise I'm gonna evaluate this and do better."

  • Or, you can do what I used to do all the time:

  • [distorted] "Well like, WHATEVER!"

  • I used to be horrible when it came to accepting blame and owning it.

  • It's something I've been working on for a long time in therapy and I still sometimes have issues with it.

  • You know, 'cause my father also never accepted blame or could ever be wrong,

  • and that was my role model for how I should hold myself accountable with other people.

  • But you know, therapy- parents- breaking patterns- fun.

  • Even if it's like a misunderstanding, I was awful.

  • Like in middle school, this guy told me:

  • "Oh, wow, ah. Your drawings are bad."

  • "Uh, excuse me sir?"

  • "I would have you know that I learned how to draw from my best friend Sayaka Yunaha in Okinawa Japan, and I was an /exemplary/ student,

  • and yes, clearly I still have much to learn, but I would like to see you try and draw better

  • I don't think you could.

  • In fact, I think you're a terrible person

  • Because what kind of human being comes up to another who is

  • minding her own business and insults her artwork?

  • Did you know that kind of criticism could completely deter me from pursuing creative endeavors in adulthood?

  • Your words have meaning, they have impact, and I am at a sensitive time in my adolescent development!"

  • "nah bro, bad means good"

  • "it's... slang bro"

  • [distorted] "WHATEVER"

  • But now, I realize the importance of genuine accountability in order to ~grow~

  • I mean, we deflect blame because we think it makes us bad people, right? We get defensive, insecure and scared

  • But how often when you're in conflict with someone,

  • would just an apology -- an authentic apology -- fix everything?

  • Almost every single time, right?

  • I mean unless you've done something truly horrendous, like murder someone's mother or steal their cat,

  • any time I fought with someone and they're wrong,

  • all I want is for them to say sorry and try to do better.

  • And every time I've been wrong, and I've apologized, like I've immediately felt better,

  • because we all have this basic understanding that 'Hey, we're human. We're flawed'

  • 'We don't expect anyone to be perfect.'

  • I will say my reaction time with this has gotten a lot better,

  • like recently I did a film called 'Go Back to China'

  • and one of the crew members -- adorably named Saturday -- posted an Instagram story of us saying

  • *gasps* "Oh my god! What a bitch!"

  • "Why would he say this about me?! Why would he call me a guy?!

  • "I know we disagreed about politics on the bus ride from Hong Kong to China,

  • but it's like I really liked Saturday but not anymore."

  • "There are no feminine or masculine pronouns in Chinese."

  • "Oh my god, that's a huge misstep on my part, I totally overreacted.

  • I should have thought about the language barrier. Like at least he can speak some English

  • I can't even say a single thing in Chinese other than 'I am a lobster' and 'Are you my real dad?' I'm really sorry."

  • So the next time you're wrong and you feel flares of defensiveness, insecurity, anger

  • - whatever you feel when you're wrong that makes you want to deflect or deny blame -

  • Instead just try apologizing, try honestly looking at what you did wrong, and how you could do better next time

  • because taking responsibility and being genuinely accountable for your own words and actions

  • - which are sometimes in the wrong -

  • will only bring you respect, the opportunity to grow,

  • and sometimes if you're lucky, a good laugh, because who doesn't love to laugh at their own idiocy?

  • I'm Anna Akana - stay right here for some super bad drawings.

  • Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring today's video

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You know that horrible moment when you realize you fucked up?

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B1 US squarespace wrong blame anna distorted accountable

never admit you're wrong

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    nico posted on 2020/07/23
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