Subtitles section Play video
-
You guys seen those like Kumon learning centers in those strip malls, right?
-
Kumon learning centers, so you guys that don't know, are basically detention camps for young Asian children.
-
You can tell that place is kind of fucked up by the look of its logo.
-
Because it's supposed to be a smiley face, but it's not really smiling.
-
It's just like, "Man."
-
My parents were way too cheap to send me to Kumon, they got a different strategy.
-
They never let me use a calculator until I turned 15, so I can work on my brain function.
-
That's an old-school Chinese strategy.
-
You know, so when I turned 15, it was a very special occasion.
-
It was basically my quinceanera.
-
My dad just gave me a TI-83 Plus.
-
And he looked me in the eyes, and he was like, "You're a woman now, okay?"
-
But when you were a kid when your parents tell you can't do something, what do you do?
-
You rebel, right?
-
So when I was 14 years old, I stole my brother's calculator, I stole Roy Roger's calculator, and I locked myself in my room and I started rebelling.
-
I started doing math homework
-
Other kids were like fucking around with like alcohol and drugs, I was fucking up some problems, you know?
-
Locked myself in a room, I was just punching in numbers, and I was like, "Oh man, this feels great.," you know?
-
It's so wrong, it's awesome.
-
My dad was pissed.
-
He was knocking the other side of the door, he doesn't like locked doors in the house.
-
And he was screaming, he was like, "Jimmy! Jimmy! What are you doing inside?"
-
"Come out right now, I know you're in there using a calculator, come out right now!"
-
I was so scared, I didn't know what to do.
-
And he unlocked the door and he came in, I went into full panic mode.
-
So I just threw away the calculator, and I pulled down my pants.
-
I was like, "Dad, I was just jerking off!"
-
And he came in, and he looked at me and then looked at the math homework.
-
And he was like, "Good, good."
-
"Very good, very good, very good."
-
"You must really like math, that's good."
-
"That's good, keep it up."
-
Because there's nothing, there's nothing that will make your Asian father more proud than to see his son jerk off to his math homework.