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  • - GOOD MORNING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

  • WE ARE ABOUT TO BEGIN BOARDING

  • SOUTH NORTHERN AIRLINES FLIGHT 34 TO GRAND RAPIDS.

  • - OH, OKAY, I'M--EXCUSE ME. BOARDING GROUP ONE.

  • I'M IN BOARDING GROUP ONE. EXCUSE ME.

  • I'M IN BOARDING GROUP ONE.

  • - AND WE WOULD LIKE TO BEGIN PRE-BOARDING

  • WITH OUR FIRST-CLASS PASSENGERS.

  • FIRST-CLASS PASSENGERS ONLY, PLEASE.

  • NEXT, OUR BUSINESS-CLASS PASSENGERS MAY NOW BOARD.

  • OKAY, NOW WE'D LIKE TO WELCOME

  • OUR REGAL ALLIANCE ELITE MEMBERS.

  • REGAL ALLIANCE ELITE MEMBERS.

  • OKAY, NOW ALL PASSENGERS WITH CHILDREN.

  • - OKAY.

  • - ANYONE WITH SMALL CHILDREN MAY BOARD NOW.

  • [child fussing]

  • - OKAY, WE WOULD LIKE TO CONTINUE BOARDING

  • WITH UNIFORMED MILITARY PERSONNEL.

  • - WHAT? WHY CAN'T--

  • THIS IS-- THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.

  • THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SERVICE.

  • GOD BLESS YOU.

  • - THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.

  • THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.

  • ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE IN WHEELCHAIRS.

  • ANY PRIESTS, NUNS, RABBIS, IMAMS.

  • - WHAT? WHY DO THEY GET SPECIAL TREATMENT?

  • - AS-SALAAM-ALAIKUM.

  • - I'VE NEVER--

  • THAT'S TYPICAL.

  • - ANY OLD PEOPLE IN WHEELCHAIRS WITH BABIES?

  • [baby cries]

  • - DOESN'T SEEM PARTICULARLY--

  • - ANY OLD, RELIGIOUS PEOPLE WITH MILITARY BABIES?

  • - WHAT'S A MILITARY--

  • - THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.

  • JASON SCHWARTZMAN.

  • ANYONE WITH A BLUE SUITCASE, YOU MAY NOW BOARD.

  • - FINALLY.

  • - NOPE, NOT YOU, SIR. - NOT ME?

  • THIS IS A BLUE SUITCASE.

  • - THAT'S A BLUE COMPUTER BAG.

  • - SO YOU'RE NOT-- YOU'RE NOT GONNA LET ME ON THEN?

  • - [sips loudly]

  • - DAMN IT!

  • DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT!

  • GOD DAMN IT!

  • - ANYONE WHO DOESN'T SEEM CRANKY.

  • DRUNK PEOPLE.

  • WE WILL NOW BE BOARDING ANY DRUNK PEOPLE.

  • DRUNK PEOPLE.

  • - [grunts]

  • ALL RIGHT, IT'S--

  • NOPE, IT'S MY BAG.

  • SIR. JUST--

  • [groans]

  • [indistinct muttering]

  • [phone rings] - OOH.

  • HELLO?

  • OH, HEY, CHRISTIAN.

  • YEAH.

  • TOTALLY.

  • WELL, YOU HAVE YOUR FAVORITES, AND I HAVE MY FAVORITES.

  • [laughs] OKAY.

  • CALL YOU LATER.

  • CIAO, CIAO.

  • BOARDING GROUP ONE.

  • [dramatic music]

  • [sirens wailing]

  • [indistinct chatter]

  • ♪ ♪

  • - AND THE FUSELAGE.

  • - I FOUND JASON SCHWARTZMAN!

  • ALL RIGHT, THAT'S EVERYBODY!

  • LET'S WRAP IT UP, PEOPLE.

  • - [groans]

  • BOARDING GROUP ONE OVER HERE!

  • GOT A BOARDING GROUP ONE. [groans]

- GOOD MORNING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

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