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  • -You just celebrated a big milestone in your career.

  • -Yeah. -30 years in comedy?

  • -My first open-mic night was 30 years ago this month.

  • -That doesn't seem possible.

  • [ Cheers and applause ] That doesn't seem possible.

  • -Yeah, I can't believe it, either, man.

  • I can't believe it, either.

  • It was actually -- It wasn't this month.

  • It was March 31st,

  • and, then, I didn't go on till after midnight,

  • so technically, my anniversary was April Fools' Day.

  • -Is that perfect or what, man?

  • -Which kind of makes it easy to remember.

  • It was right around the corner at a place called

  • Ye Olde Tripple Inn.

  • It's not there anymore.

  • -Was it a comedy place? -It was, like, open mic.

  • I followed a bongo player. -Wow.

  • -Yeah. -Wow.

  • -I wonder how he's doing.

  • -How was the gig? Do you remember anything about it?

  • -I remember being really nervous,

  • and I remember -- I had one joke that worked.

  • -What was it? -I told a bunch of stories

  • that I wasn't really sure what was happening.

  • But I had one joke about -- You know, my actual --

  • Ross is my middle name. Jeff Ross.

  • But my real last name is Lifschultz,

  • so I said, "Lifschultz. That's an old Hebrew word

  • that means, 'Hey, you ought to change that.'"

  • [ Laughter ]

  • That's actually a good joke. That's a good joke.

  • -Yeah.

  • -Talk to me about going on tour with Attell.

  • -Dave Attell and I are back on tour.

  • You know, we did a Netflix special late last year

  • called "Bumping Mics." -Yeah.

  • -And Dave Attell is my all-time favorite comedian.

  • He's just a -- He's just a joke machine.

  • He talks in punchlines.

  • -He's everyone's favorite. He's unbelievable.

  • -And it's like taking my grandma out on tour, you know?

  • He never wants to stay up late anymore.

  • You know, he doesn't want to go out and party anymore,

  • but he's the best joke writer in the world,

  • and I get to up my game. I love that guy.

  • If you don't know Dave Attell, he looks like the last face

  • that your puppy sees before he gets put to sleep.

  • [ Audience groans ]

  • -That's a compliment. That's so nice of you to say.

  • -That way, he can get me back later.

  • -This Friday, you're at the Sands Bethlehem,

  • then May 25th, you're in Atlantic City at the Borgata.

  • That's a great room. Yeah, we sold out.

  • We added a second show at the Borgata this weekend.

  • -The Mirage in Las Vegas. Harrah's in Southern California.

  • Valley Center, California.

  • If you want to see a great comedy show, you got to watch

  • these guys, 'cause, dude, I just saw you --

  • Last I saw you, you were opening for Rock.

  • -That was a good one. -You opened for Chris Rock.

  • And it was unbelievable.

  • Dude, you crushed that night. -Thanks, man.

  • -Not just the roasting part. Your stand-up was just crushing.

  • -Yeah. -It was so great, man.

  • -Well, when you open for Chris Rock,

  • you get to meet all the big stars.

  • Like, I got starstruck afterwards.

  • I was backstage, and I was, "Oh, my God.

  • Barbra Streisand. This is such an honor.

  • Can I get a picture?"

  • And she said, "I'm Mickey Rourke."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Wow! She said that. Oh, my gosh.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Is there -- I know you've roasted Trump before.

  • -Yeah, yeah. -You did a great job with that.

  • -Thank you. I roasted Donald Trump twice.

  • I've known him -- I feel like any second,

  • he's going to call me up and offer me a cabinet position.

  • -It could happen, right? -Yeah.

  • -Is there any Democrats

  • that you're looking forward to roasting?

  • -Oh, my God. Well, they'd all be kind of fun.

  • Bernie would be a good roast. -Oh, yeah.

  • Bernie Sanders is so old,

  • Colonel Sanders is named after him.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Bernie Sanders is so old, his favorite Commandment

  • is "thou shalt not cut thy hair."

  • -These "Historical Roasts." -Yeah.

  • -I think it's a brilliant idea. -Thanks.

  • -Basically, these are people that you're like,

  • "Oh, I've always wanted to roast

  • but I can't because they're not with us."

  • -Yeah, well, people always say to me, like,

  • "Jeff, who would your dream roast be?"

  • I roast the ones I love.

  • So I stopped and I made a list of the biggest heroes I have.

  • We're roasting Martin Luther King.

  • We're roasting Cleopatra, who was a great female general.

  • We're roasting Muhammad Ali, who I worship.

  • We're roasting Anne Frank.

  • [ Audience groans ]

  • Too soon?

  • I want -- People have to remember these stories.

  • People always say never forget when it comes to the Holocaust,

  • and I say, "Well, we have to remind young people

  • exactly who Anne Frank was."

  • Also, it's a cautionary tale

  • about how we treat refugees and immigrants today.

  • So I wanted to roast -- The Anne Frank roast.

  • Gilbert Gottfried plays Hitler. It's a funny show.

  • -Oh, my God. -And then we roast Abe Lincoln,

  • my favorite president of all time.

  • -How do you roast Abe Lincoln?

  • -Everyone always said

  • Abe Lincoln had a great sense of humor.

  • Every history book says that. -Yeah. I did read that, yeah.

  • -Abe, Americans love you so much, we put you

  • on the only coin that we throw in the garbage.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Yeah, Abe, you should have tried

  • emancipating that mole from your cheek.

  • -When you do these, you have comedians play the characters.

  • -Yeah, Bob Saget plays Abe Lincoln.

  • -That's perfect. Is that fantastic?

  • -Yes. -That is perfect.

  • -And then, on top of that --

  • And Bob is hilarious as Abe Lincoln.

  • I mean, he was so into it, I couldn't get him

  • to take the hat and beard off for three days.

  • And, then, John Stamos plays John Wilkes Booth.

  • -No. -Yeah.

  • So it's a pretty crazy show. -That's perfect.

  • -Yeah, and I play myself as a Union general,

  • the Roast Master General of the Union Army.

  • -That makes so much sense. Gosh. It's a really funny show.

  • He's the master at his craft. I want to show everyone a clip.

  • Here's Jeff Ross roasting Abe Lincoln

  • in "Historical Roasts."

  • Take a look at this.

  • -This is exciting. Are you ready for this, Mr. President?

  • -Fire away.

  • Bad -- Bad choice of words.

  • -I can't believe I'm meeting the great emancipator

  • and the old rail splitter, which is also

  • John Stamos' name on Grindr.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Mr. President, you did something

  • no modern president has accomplished.

  • You accomplished stuff.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I only roast the ones I love, and I love you, Abraham Lincoln.

  • You not only preserved the Union and abolished slavery,

  • but thanks to you, one day a year,

  • we get 25% off on TVs and pickup trucks!

  • [ Chanting ] USA! USA!

  • USA! USA! USA!

  • -USA! -Jeff Ross, everybody.

-You just celebrated a big milestone in your career.

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Jeff Ross Roasts Bernie Sanders

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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