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  • -Hey. My name is Jay Jurden,

  • and I recently went to the doctor.

  • I was diagnosed with a very rare but a very treatable condition.

  • I have what's known as black best-friend face.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • You see it? [ Laughter ]

  • I just look like every black best friend in TV shows,

  • movies, college campus brochures.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • That's me.

  • [ Cheers ]

  • I'm just happy and nappy next to the science building.

  • Doing my best to learn about these electrons.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Stop laughing. We need more of us in STEM

  • with this face. And with this personality.

  • I'm also an actor, and as an actor,

  • my job is very easy, because whenever I audition,

  • my lines are just variations of, "Man, that's crazy"...

  • [ Laughter ]

  • ..."Yo, my mama would never let me do that,

  • but you need to get out there and dance"...

  • [ Laughter ]

  • ..."Excuse me, but what the hell...is a scone?"

  • And -- [ Laughter ]

  • For the record, I know what a scone is.

  • I love scones.

  • People say, "Jay, you want to become a famous actor?

  • Move out to Los Angeles? Start dating white women?"

  • And to those people, I say, "Women? Hoo!

  • You must think I'm a really good actor."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • I like making people smile.

  • There's so many beautiful smiles out there,

  • including, but not limited to, my own.

  • Yes. Natural smile, never had braces.

  • That's right. He did this.

  • I'm talking about the big orthodontist in the sky.

  • It's as if God said, "Your teeth will be straight,

  • but you won't."

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • Speaking of religion, my Dad's side of the family is Catholic.

  • That's right -- black Catholics do exist.

  • We say "Hail Mary J. Blige."

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • "Full of grace in this dancerie."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Now, I'm not straight, but I do like straight people.

  • In fact, straight people, make some noise!

  • That's enough.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • We can't take y'all nowhere.

  • I did something kind of drastic this past fall

  • to connect with my straight homeboys.

  • I joined a fantasy football league.

  • [ Cheers ]

  • Yeah, I thought it was something completely different.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • My friend said -- My friend said,

  • "Jay, you want to play fantasy football?"

  • I said, "Yes. What is it?"

  • He said, "It's me, you, six other dudes --"

  • I said, "Stop right there."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • "I already said yes." [ Laughter ]

  • No need to sweeten the deal.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Turns out I was mistaken.

  • As you guys all know, fantasy football is just

  • book club for straight dudes. [ Laughter ]

  • It's just a safe space where they can go to gossip

  • and talk about their feelings, and that's okay.

  • See? When gay men gossip, we're called catty.

  • When straight men gossip, it's called a podcast.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I know what you guys are thinking.

  • "Wow, a lot of gay stuff," and you're right.

  • Whoops.

  • The reason I do this -- [ Laughter ]

  • The reason I do this is because I still have to deal

  • with bigotry and homophobia even in 2019.

  • I'm doing a show a few months ago in New York City.

  • I get on stage, say some of my jokes,

  • a guy in the front row gets up, grumbles,

  • "I didn't know there was gonna be a gay guy here."

  • Left the show.

  • And in my head, I'm thinking, "Sir, what are you doing?

  • This is New York City.

  • There are definitely more outside."

  • [ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

  • You need to stick with the evil you know.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I'm originally from Mississippi.

  • I went Mississippi, Alabama, New York,

  • which is just the Underground Railroad.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • The original subway. And now I live

  • with my boyfriend, and I love him so much.

  • He really is the best health-insurance provider

  • I could find.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • My co-pay is just kisses.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Don't ask about my deductible. That's personal.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • We live in a neighbor that I would describe

  • the same way many of you will describe me after the show.

  • My neighborhood is urban but safe.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • This older gentleman, who's lived there for years,

  • he noticed that the neighborhood was changing,

  • and he saw me going into my building with my scones,

  • and he said "Ay, young blood. Neighborhood's changed."

  • And I said, "Yeah, homie. For the better."

  • [ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

  • Thank you so much.

  • I'm Jay Jurden. This has been a dream come true.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • ♪♪

  • -How you doing, buddy? That's how you do it.

  • Jay Jurden!

  • For more info, visit jayjurden.com.

-Hey. My name is Jay Jurden,

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Jay Jurden Stand-Up

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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