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  • -I usually write out my thank you notes,

  • but I was just so busy today. -Really?

  • So I wonder if I could do it right now.

  • Is that all right?

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Kamal -- Kamal Gray, can I get some

  • thank-you note writing music, please?

  • -Woah.

  • -Giving James a run for his money.

  • -He's doing the James a tune. Yeah, man.

  • He actually sounds better than anything James ever did.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • This might be a permanent change.

  • -What? -Yeah.

  • He's now -- you're new name is James.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Permanent James.

  • -Permanent James.

  • -Thank you, Joe Biden, for being the 20th Democrat

  • to announce their running for president.

  • You know what they say.

  • If at first you don't succeed,

  • wait 20 years, get elected Vice President,

  • miss your actual opportunity, then try again.

  • They always say that.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -You got 20 in 2020.

  • -Yeah.

  • 20, 2020 has done it again. -Yeah, yeah.

  • -♪ It feels good, yeah

  • It feels good

  • -♪ 2020 20 has done it again

  • Thank you, White House Easter bunny,

  • for looking like you're halfway through getting the sex talk.

  • [ Laughter ] -Oh.

  • Woah.

  • -Easter bunny.

  • -Thank you "Avengers: Endgame" poster for letting me know that

  • something is exciting is happening

  • in the top left part of the movie.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • -Weird.

  • -Stay away from that top left is where all the action is.

  • -Yeah. -Something's happening up there.

  • -Something nuts. -Something crazy.

  • -Poster.

  • -Thank you allergy medicines for always looking like

  • you were named by someone trying to get rid of

  • leftover scrabble tiles.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • Ask your doctor about Zinvinal.

  • -Zyrtec.

  • -Zeton.

  • -We're from the planet Zyrtec.

  • -Quirtiz.

  • Quirz.

  • Quirtz. -Quirtz.

  • Quirtz. [ Laughter ]

  • Oh, man. Achoo.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Thank you one wheel scooters, for combining the cutting edge

  • technology of a segway with the timelessly cool look

  • of riding a unicycle.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -Man, I'm just vapin' ridin' my one wheeled scooter.

  • -Thank you movie theaters that are staying open 24 hours

  • for letting "Avengers" fans

  • catch the biggest movie of the year

  • and one really weird guy to watch "Dumbo" at 3:00 A.M.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • Ticket for one, please?

  • -Thank you ping pong, for being 10% playing ping pong

  • and 90% trying to get the ball from under the couch.

  • Man, we don't have any --

  • We don't have any balls left. [ Pop ]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Pop ]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Pops twice ]

  • [ Fart noise ] All right.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Thank you people who say, "long story short"

  • for never actually doing that.

  • There you are, everybody. those are my thank-you notes.

-I usually write out my thank you notes,

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Thank You Notes: Joe Biden, Avengers: Endgame Poster

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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