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  • -Tracy and I have a lot of history together.

  • Most people think that we met on "Saturday Night Live,"

  • but we go back further than that.

  • Tracy and I actually were together

  • at the same cooking network back in the early '90s.

  • -[ Laughs ] Yeah. -Yeah, it was called EatsTV.

  • -What were we doing? -I know, man.

  • Between shows, we would do these segments

  • where we gave the audience cooking tips,

  • but to keep our line readings fresh,

  • our director wouldn't let us see the lines

  • until while we were shooting.

  • So, we were reading them for the first time right there on set.

  • Well, I found some of our old footage.

  • -What? -I swear.

  • So, for the first time in decades,

  • here is Tracy and I on EatsTV.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -You're watching EatsTV, your home for recipes,

  • restaurants, and really good food.

  • Stay tuned for tips from the EatsTV kitchen.

  • ♪♪

  • -Welcome to EatsTV. [ Laughter ]

  • Coming up, I'll teach you how to make homemade Panda Express.

  • Step one, break into a zoo. Step two, steal a panda.

  • Step three, realize you're in way over your head

  • and just order Panda Express.

  • Bon app-- Bon pandatite.

  • [ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

  • -I've got a great recipe for stumpkin pie.

  • First, you got to find fresh stumpkin.

  • But don't get one with a face.

  • Those stumpkins are scary. [ Laughter ]

  • I hate scary stumpkins. [ Laughter ]

  • They's got skeleton teeth. [ Laughter ]

  • [ Applause ]

  • -My favorite foods in this order are

  • cheese, chickpeas, peas, chicks, chick cheese.

  • Did I say peas already?

  • Quiches, peaches, cheesy Reese's,

  • beets, beefs -- heck, all the meats --

  • fries and pies, and wings and thighs

  • and telling lies.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Noodles, strudels, Fruit Loop kugels.

  • Yodels...

  • Yodel-ay-hee-hoo

  • [ Laughter ] Oh, so hoarse.

  • My favorite food is horse.

  • [ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

  • -On Thanksgiving, chew like Chewbacca.

  • Chewbacca used to my favorite "Star Wars" character,

  • but then he got behind on his child support payments.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Tracy, here. -Huh?

  • -Oh.

  • We really did this. -No, here. No, here.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Eggs -- Eggs, flour, water, and milk.

  • -That's what I used to use for birth control.

  • It doesn't work. [ Laughter ]

  • I got eight kids off the books.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -The best cooking advice I can give you

  • is to always use fresh ingredient,

  • like this lemon that was just picked this morning.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Yummy. I'm glad I'm doing this.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • -I call Tony the Tiger Anthony because of the respect

  • of what he does for breakfast.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • -How come the cat food is called Fancy Feast?

  • Do cats think they're better than me?

  • Well, guess what, cat, I can eat cat food, too.

  • I want chicken. I want liver.

  • I want to sleep in a little basket on top of the heater

  • and clean myself with my tongue.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • -It's not delivery, and it's not DiGiorno.

  • It's Britney, bitch!

  • [ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

  • -Don't waste your money on expensive takeout

  • when you can make a delicious meal right at home.

  • -I like waffles.

  • That's why I turned my house into a waffle house.

  • I sleep on the grille. It burns my buns.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Waffle House burns my buns.

  • -EatsTV. Who wants seconds?

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -Oh. My thanks to Tracy Morgan right there!

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

-Tracy and I have a lot of history together.

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B2 TheTonightShow laughter tracy applause panda cat food

Cue Card Cold Read w/ Tracy Morgan

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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