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-Tracy and I have a lot of history together.
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Most people think that we met on "Saturday Night Live,"
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but we go back further than that.
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Tracy and I actually were together
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at the same cooking network back in the early '90s.
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-[ Laughs ] Yeah. -Yeah, it was called EatsTV.
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-What were we doing? -I know, man.
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Between shows, we would do these segments
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where we gave the audience cooking tips,
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but to keep our line readings fresh,
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our director wouldn't let us see the lines
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until while we were shooting.
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So, we were reading them for the first time right there on set.
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Well, I found some of our old footage.
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-What? -I swear.
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So, for the first time in decades,
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here is Tracy and I on EatsTV.
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[ Cheers and applause ]
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-You're watching EatsTV, your home for recipes,
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restaurants, and really good food.
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Stay tuned for tips from the EatsTV kitchen.
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♪♪
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-Welcome to EatsTV. [ Laughter ]
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Coming up, I'll teach you how to make homemade Panda Express.
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Step one, break into a zoo. Step two, steal a panda.
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Step three, realize you're in way over your head
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and just order Panda Express.
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Bon app-- Bon pandatite.
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[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
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-I've got a great recipe for stumpkin pie.
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First, you got to find fresh stumpkin.
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But don't get one with a face.
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Those stumpkins are scary. [ Laughter ]
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I hate scary stumpkins. [ Laughter ]
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They's got skeleton teeth. [ Laughter ]
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[ Applause ]
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-My favorite foods in this order are
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cheese, chickpeas, peas, chicks, chick cheese.
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Did I say peas already?
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Quiches, peaches, cheesy Reese's,
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beets, beefs -- heck, all the meats --
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fries and pies, and wings and thighs
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and telling lies.
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[ Laughter ]
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Noodles, strudels, Fruit Loop kugels.
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Yodels...
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♪ Yodel-ay-hee-hoo ♪
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[ Laughter ] Oh, so hoarse.
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My favorite food is horse.
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[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
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-On Thanksgiving, chew like Chewbacca.
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Chewbacca used to my favorite "Star Wars" character,
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but then he got behind on his child support payments.
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[ Laughter ]
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-Tracy, here. -Huh?
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-Oh.
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We really did this. -No, here. No, here.
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[ Laughter ]
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Eggs -- Eggs, flour, water, and milk.
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-That's what I used to use for birth control.
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It doesn't work. [ Laughter ]
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I got eight kids off the books.
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[ Laughter ]
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-The best cooking advice I can give you
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is to always use fresh ingredient,
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like this lemon that was just picked this morning.
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[ Laughter ]
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Yummy. I'm glad I'm doing this.
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[ Laughter and applause ]
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-I call Tony the Tiger Anthony because of the respect
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of what he does for breakfast.
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[ Laughter and applause ]
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-How come the cat food is called Fancy Feast?
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Do cats think they're better than me?
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Well, guess what, cat, I can eat cat food, too.
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I want chicken. I want liver.
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I want to sleep in a little basket on top of the heater
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and clean myself with my tongue.
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[ Laughter and applause ]
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-It's not delivery, and it's not DiGiorno.
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It's Britney, bitch!
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[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
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-Don't waste your money on expensive takeout
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when you can make a delicious meal right at home.
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-I like waffles.
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That's why I turned my house into a waffle house.
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I sleep on the grille. It burns my buns.
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[ Laughter ]
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Waffle House burns my buns.
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-EatsTV. Who wants seconds?
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[ Cheers and applause ]
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-Oh. My thanks to Tracy Morgan right there!
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[ Cheers and applause ]