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  • -Tariq, you okay, buddy? You look annoyed.

  • -I'm good.

  • -You sure? You don't seem good.

  • -Yeah, I just got some things on my mind. You know?

  • Things that go on my irk list.

  • -What's an irk list? -It's just --

  • It's like a list that I keep of things that annoy me.

  • Random stuff.

  • You know what? I'll just show you.

  • It's time for "Tariq's Irk List."

  • -♪ Tariq's Irk List

  • Ba-duh-bah, ba-duh-bah

  • Ooh

  • -[ Laughs ] Wow.

  • -Well, he's writing them down now?

  • -Yeah.

  • -First on my list, uh, I got meteorologists.

  • I mean, just because they're called meteorologists.

  • I mean, what do you study? Meteors?

  • Look, you can always be the weatherman or weatherlady.

  • I'm sorry, Al.

  • But I watch -- I watch the weather

  • just to find out what the temperature is for the day.

  • And then they want to add on a heat windex

  • or some wind-chill factory before they get to what

  • they call "the real-feel temperature."

  • And I go, "All I want to know

  • is the real-feel temperature in the first place."

  • I mean, factoring in averages, deducting degrees?

  • Who's trying to do all that math?

  • Meteorologists, you're on the irk list.

  • -Okay. All right, all right. Very good.

  • So they're on the irk list.

  • -Speaking of which -- Just a second.

  • -Who else -- What else is on the irk list?

  • -Speaking of which, what's up with that long-ass delay

  • between studio and on-location segments on the news?

  • It's like, "That's the weather in your neck of the woods.

  • Back to you, Ralph."

  • And then Ralph's standing there like...

  • [ Laughter ]

  • "Thanks, Al!"

  • I mean, it's honestly just a few seconds delay,

  • but the real-feel time is hours.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Jimmy, what are you, like 45? -Yeah.

  • -Okay. You still got another year or so, but...

  • Soon you'll see a grown man needs to know

  • what it's really going to feel like outside.

  • 'Cause any subtle miscalculation in the weather, a rogue sneeze,

  • an overzealous reach for the remote control

  • can cause serious bodily harm or injury.

  • And then what? Huh?

  • I mean, I used to know who to call,

  • because there was a jingle stuck in my head for years.

  • It went...

  • Cellino and Barnes, injury attorneys

  • ♪ 800-888-8888 ♪

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Man, that was a gem.

  • It had all the pertinent information and no filler.

  • I mean, who are these guys anyway?

  • Cellino and Barnes. I mean, what do they do?

  • They're injure attorneys, fool.

  • What's their number?

  • 800 and all eights.

  • Come to find out these jokers are breaking up.

  • Now nobody wins.

  • See, now they're probably going to have separate practices.

  • But how are we going to get in touch with them, Jimmy?

  • They're probably going to lose that sweet-ass number

  • we all grew to know and love.

  • So I go, "What's the new number?"

  • And it's like...

  • Cellino injury attorney

  • Singular, not plural

  • For serious inquiries, DM my IG or text my sister at

  • ♪ 973-555-01... ♪

  • I'm like, "Forget it, Cellino!

  • Your ass is going on the irk list!

  • And Barnes, too!"

  • Happy Thanksgiving, mother [bleep]!

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -Tariq. Wow!

  • ♪♪

  • Wow! -I did not see that coming.

  • -Tariq Trotter, everybody.

-Tariq, you okay, buddy? You look annoyed.

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Tariq Trotter's Irk List: Meteorologists, Cellino & Barnes

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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