Subtitles section Play video
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-Welcome back. -Thank you.
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-How are you? -I'm successful.
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[ Laughter ] -Absolutely, absolutely.
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-I'm winning. I'm happy.
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-How was your Thanksgiving? What did you do?
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-For Thanksgiving, I served food to the homeless
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at the Laugh Factory,
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and that was really an eye-opening experience.
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-It is.
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-It reminded me where I came from
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and where I will never go back to.
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[ Light laughter ] -Yeah. Absolutely not.
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-And -- But it was a good time.
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And then, I went over to my grandmother's house,
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which is actually -- you know,
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I went there because I paid for it to get fixed.
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So it's kind of, in my mind, my house.
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[ Laughter ] -Yeah.
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-And I hadn't seen it yet because I've been so busy, so...
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-Yeah. -...went over there.
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And my aunties and everybody cooking and stuff,
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and we went through all these boxes of old photos
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that they found.
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-Yeah, you brought a couple for us to see.
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-Yeah.
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-I want to see little Tiffany as a baby.
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Look at this.
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-Yeah, that's me at 6 months. [ Audience awws ]
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-I mean, stop it. -Yes.
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-How cute are you? -I'm -- I'm adorable.
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[ Laughter ] Had a little thick neck.
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That was me preparing to learn how to smoke weed.
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[ Laughter ] -Oh, my gosh.
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[ Laughter ]
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What is that? What are you holding?
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-I'm holding a stick,
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but it looked like a big joint, doesn't it?
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[ Laughter ]
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I used to love to play in the dirt --
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that was my favorite thing -- to play in the dirt.
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-Yeah. -It's still my favorite thing --
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I just don't have time. -Yeah, exactly.
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-So I garden. I garden. That's my playing in the dirt now.
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-Oh, is that your playing in the dirt now?
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-Yeah, I grow -- I grow weed in it.
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[ Laughter ]
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-This is a big -- our big football show tonight.
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So we're following this big game.
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And I was seeing if you had any connection to football at all.
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And you told me that you were the mascot
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for your high school team? -Yeah. I was the --
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Yeah. I was the high school mascot.
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I was a conquistador, which is a Spanish soldier.
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And I was supposed to wear, like, a head,
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but I refused to wear the head.
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I only wore the helmet
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because, you know, I want to be seen and heard.
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[ Light laughter ]
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-This is young Tiffany as the conquistador.
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-Yeah. [ Applause ]
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-I was probably the only talking mascot in the Valley.
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-Were you? You were the only talking mascot?
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-Yeah, the only talking mascot in the Valley.
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And I used to be like, "El Ca what?"
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And then, everybody would be like, "Mino!"
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El Ca what?! -All: Mino!
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-El Ca what?! -All: Mino!
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-Who know?! -All: We know!
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-Baaaabyyyy!
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[ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ]
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-That's how to do it. -Yeah.
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-See? -And we used to win.
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We won the 3A championship, you know?
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And then, after I graduated, we lost.
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[ Light laughter ] -See? You need that --
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-Because I left. They didn't have me.
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-You need that Tiffany Haddish spirit.
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-Yeah, they didn't have the unicorn no more.
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They didn't have the real conquistador.
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[ Laughter ]
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-Well, this -- this is good practice
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for hosting the Oscars, maybe?
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-Huh? -Did you hear this rumor?
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There's a big thing online --
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fans of yours want you to host the Oscars.
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-Oh, that's what's up. -Would you?
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-That's probably the whole African Diaspora.
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[ Laughter ]
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That's not funny. It's a lot of us.
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-Yeah, yeah, yeah. [ Laughter ]
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Would you -- Would you ever host the Oscars?
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-I would if they paid me
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and I -- and I could do it with somebody.
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I don't want to -- I don't want to --
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Haven't you done it before?
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-I've done things like that before, yeah.
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-And have you host-- have you hosted the Oscars?
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-Not -- never the Oscars. -Will you --
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If you did it with me, I would do it.
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Like, I don't want all that pressure on me.
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Because I'm going to lose my hair,
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and then, I'm going to have to really wear wigs all the time.
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[ Laughter ] -Maybe we could do it together?
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-It's too much stress, you know? -It's a lot of stress, yeah.
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-I mean, unless they paid me, like, a lot of money.
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Then I would be like, "It's worth it."
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[ Laughter ] And I would have it hot.
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It would be so much fun.
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We would have twerk contests and everything.
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-Right? [ Light laughter ]
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-Yeah, I would get Meryl Streep up there
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to twerk with Susan Sarandon.
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You know, it would be crazy. [ Laughter ]
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-I love you, man. Come on.
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I want to... [ Cheers and applause ]