-How are you? -I'm successful.

[ Laughter ] -Absolutely, absolutely.

-I'm winning. I'm happy.

-How was your Thanksgiving? What did you do?

-For Thanksgiving, I served food to the homeless

at the Laugh Factory,

and that was really an eye-opening experience.

-It is.

-It reminded me where I came from

and where I will never go back to.

[ Light laughter ] -Yeah. Absolutely not.

-And -- But it was a good time.

And then, I went over to my grandmother's house,

which is actually -- you know,

I went there because I paid for it to get fixed.

So it's kind of, in my mind, my house.

[ Laughter ] -Yeah.

-And I hadn't seen it yet because I've been so busy, so...

-Yeah. -...went over there.

And my aunties and everybody cooking and stuff,

and we went through all these boxes of old photos

that they found.

-Yeah, you brought a couple for us to see.

-Yeah.

-I want to see little Tiffany as a baby.

Look at this.

-Yeah, that's me at 6 months. [ Audience awws ]

-I mean, stop it. -Yes.

-How cute are you? -I'm -- I'm adorable.

[ Laughter ] Had a little thick neck.

That was me preparing to learn how to smoke weed.

[ Laughter ] -Oh, my gosh.

[ Laughter ]

What is that? What are you holding?

-I'm holding a stick,

but it looked like a big joint, doesn't it?

[ Laughter ]

I used to love to play in the dirt --

that was my favorite thing -- to play in the dirt.

-Yeah. -It's still my favorite thing --

I just don't have time. -Yeah, exactly.

-So I garden. I garden. That's my playing in the dirt now.

-Oh, is that your playing in the dirt now?

-Yeah, I grow -- I grow weed in it.

[ Laughter ]

-This is a big -- our big football show tonight.

So we're following this big game.

And I was seeing if you had any connection to football at all.

And you told me that you were the mascot

for your high school team? -Yeah. I was the --

Yeah. I was the high school mascot.

I was a conquistador, which is a Spanish soldier.

And I was supposed to wear, like, a head,

but I refused to wear the head.

I only wore the helmet

because, you know, I want to be seen and heard.

[ Light laughter ]

-This is young Tiffany as the conquistador.

-Yeah. [ Applause ]

-I was probably the only talking mascot in the Valley.

-Were you? You were the only talking mascot?

-Yeah, the only talking mascot in the Valley.

And I used to be like, "El Ca what?"

And then, everybody would be like, "Mino!"

El Ca what?! -All: Mino!

-El Ca what?! -All: Mino!

-Who know?! -All: We know!

-Baaaabyyyy!

[ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ]

-That's how to do it. -Yeah.

-See? -And we used to win.

We won the 3A championship, you know?

And then, after I graduated, we lost.

[ Light laughter ] -See? You need that --

-Because I left. They didn't have me.

-You need that Tiffany Haddish spirit.

-Yeah, they didn't have the unicorn no more.

They didn't have the real conquistador.

[ Laughter ]

-Well, this -- this is good practice

for hosting the Oscars, maybe?

-Huh? -Did you hear this rumor?

There's a big thing online --

fans of yours want you to host the Oscars.

-Oh, that's what's up. -Would you?

-That's probably the whole African Diaspora.

[ Laughter ]

That's not funny. It's a lot of us.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. [ Laughter ]

Would you -- Would you ever host the Oscars?

-I would if they paid me

and I -- and I could do it with somebody.

I don't want to -- I don't want to --

Haven't you done it before?

-I've done things like that before, yeah.

-And have you host-- have you hosted the Oscars?

-Not -- never the Oscars. -Will you --

If you did it with me, I would do it.

Like, I don't want all that pressure on me.

Because I'm going to lose my hair,

and then, I'm going to have to really wear wigs all the time.

[ Laughter ] -Maybe we could do it together?

-It's too much stress, you know? -It's a lot of stress, yeah.

-I mean, unless they paid me, like, a lot of money.

Then I would be like, "It's worth it."

[ Laughter ] And I would have it hot.

It would be so much fun.

We would have twerk contests and everything.

-Right? [ Light laughter ]

-Yeah, I would get Meryl Streep up there

to twerk with Susan Sarandon.

You know, it would be crazy. [ Laughter ]

-I love you, man. Come on.

I want to... [ Cheers and applause ]