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  • -Welcome back. -Thank you.

  • -How are you? -I'm successful.

  • [ Laughter ] -Absolutely, absolutely.

  • -I'm winning. I'm happy.

  • -How was your Thanksgiving? What did you do?

  • -For Thanksgiving, I served food to the homeless

  • at the Laugh Factory,

  • and that was really an eye-opening experience.

  • -It is.

  • -It reminded me where I came from

  • and where I will never go back to.

  • [ Light laughter ] -Yeah. Absolutely not.

  • -And -- But it was a good time.

  • And then, I went over to my grandmother's house,

  • which is actually -- you know,

  • I went there because I paid for it to get fixed.

  • So it's kind of, in my mind, my house.

  • [ Laughter ] -Yeah.

  • -And I hadn't seen it yet because I've been so busy, so...

  • -Yeah. -...went over there.

  • And my aunties and everybody cooking and stuff,

  • and we went through all these boxes of old photos

  • that they found.

  • -Yeah, you brought a couple for us to see.

  • -Yeah.

  • -I want to see little Tiffany as a baby.

  • Look at this.

  • -Yeah, that's me at 6 months. [ Audience awws ]

  • -I mean, stop it. -Yes.

  • -How cute are you? -I'm -- I'm adorable.

  • [ Laughter ] Had a little thick neck.

  • That was me preparing to learn how to smoke weed.

  • [ Laughter ] -Oh, my gosh.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • What is that? What are you holding?

  • -I'm holding a stick,

  • but it looked like a big joint, doesn't it?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I used to love to play in the dirt --

  • that was my favorite thing -- to play in the dirt.

  • -Yeah. -It's still my favorite thing --

  • I just don't have time. -Yeah, exactly.

  • -So I garden. I garden. That's my playing in the dirt now.

  • -Oh, is that your playing in the dirt now?

  • -Yeah, I grow -- I grow weed in it.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -This is a big -- our big football show tonight.

  • So we're following this big game.

  • And I was seeing if you had any connection to football at all.

  • And you told me that you were the mascot

  • for your high school team? -Yeah. I was the --

  • Yeah. I was the high school mascot.

  • I was a conquistador, which is a Spanish soldier.

  • And I was supposed to wear, like, a head,

  • but I refused to wear the head.

  • I only wore the helmet

  • because, you know, I want to be seen and heard.

  • [ Light laughter ]

  • -This is young Tiffany as the conquistador.

  • -Yeah. [ Applause ]

  • -I was probably the only talking mascot in the Valley.

  • -Were you? You were the only talking mascot?

  • -Yeah, the only talking mascot in the Valley.

  • And I used to be like, "El Ca what?"

  • And then, everybody would be like, "Mino!"

  • El Ca what?! -All: Mino!

  • -El Ca what?! -All: Mino!

  • -Who know?! -All: We know!

  • -Baaaabyyyy!

  • [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -That's how to do it. -Yeah.

  • -See? -And we used to win.

  • We won the 3A championship, you know?

  • And then, after I graduated, we lost.

  • [ Light laughter ] -See? You need that --

  • -Because I left. They didn't have me.

  • -You need that Tiffany Haddish spirit.

  • -Yeah, they didn't have the unicorn no more.

  • They didn't have the real conquistador.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Well, this -- this is good practice

  • for hosting the Oscars, maybe?

  • -Huh? -Did you hear this rumor?

  • There's a big thing online --

  • fans of yours want you to host the Oscars.

  • -Oh, that's what's up. -Would you?

  • -That's probably the whole African Diaspora.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • That's not funny. It's a lot of us.

  • -Yeah, yeah, yeah. [ Laughter ]

  • Would you -- Would you ever host the Oscars?

  • -I would if they paid me

  • and I -- and I could do it with somebody.

  • I don't want to -- I don't want to --

  • Haven't you done it before?

  • -I've done things like that before, yeah.

  • -And have you host-- have you hosted the Oscars?

  • -Not -- never the Oscars. -Will you --

  • If you did it with me, I would do it.

  • Like, I don't want all that pressure on me.

  • Because I'm going to lose my hair,

  • and then, I'm going to have to really wear wigs all the time.

  • [ Laughter ] -Maybe we could do it together?

  • -It's too much stress, you know? -It's a lot of stress, yeah.

  • -I mean, unless they paid me, like, a lot of money.

  • Then I would be like, "It's worth it."

  • [ Laughter ] And I would have it hot.

  • It would be so much fun.

  • We would have twerk contests and everything.

  • -Right? [ Light laughter ]

  • -Yeah, I would get Meryl Streep up there

  • to twerk with Susan Sarandon.

  • You know, it would be crazy. [ Laughter ]

  • -I love you, man. Come on.

  • I want to... [ Cheers and applause ]

-Welcome back. -Thank you.

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A2 TheTonightShow laughter mascot tiffany twerk light laughter

Tiffany Haddish Would Make Meryl Streep and Susan Sarandon Twerk as Oscars Host

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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