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  • -And I was just running a bit behind today,

  • so I thought, if you wouldn't mind,

  • I'd like to write up my weekly thank you notes right now.

  • Is that cool with you guys?

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • James, can I get some thank you note writing music, please?

  • ♪♪

  • -Wow. He's excited. -Such a good mood.

  • -Yeah.

  • Mr. Pep.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Thank you, fall, for being the one season when it's stylish

  • to dress like the couch in your parents' basement.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • Thank you, new Jets coach Adam Gase, for always looking like

  • you just found out you're the coach of the Jets.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • -What?!

  • I'm the coach of the what?!

  • -Thank you, new movie "Hustlers,"

  • for casting Lizzo.

  • I just took a DNA test and found out I'm 100% buying a ticket.

  • Oh, yeah.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Thank you, Italian restaurants whose menus are in Italian,

  • for giving me two ordering options --

  • pointing at the menu like an idiot

  • or sounding like Super Mario.

  • [ High-pitched ] "I'll have-a da linguine puttanesca."

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • ♪♪

  • [ Normal voice ] Thank you, French horns,

  • for basically being an awesome water slide for spit.

  • -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yo.

  • [ Spits ]

  • -Thank you, DIY projects,

  • for being a slightly less expensive way

  • to make a way worse version of something.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • I made that myself. That's a soap holder.

  • -Yeah, I got it. I got it. -Yeah, we're good, man, yeah.

  • This one's killer. -This one's the best one.

  • -I think this one standing up. -Are you serious?

  • -That's what the card says.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • We're going to ask the audience for a standing ovation

  • after this. -Really?

  • -This is the last thank you note.

  • -Aw. [ Audience groans ]

  • -For tonight. -For tonight.

  • -We'll do them every week.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -But for tonight, do the last one tonight. Yeah.

  • -Thank you, fancy bloody marys.

  • I enjoy all the extra stuff, but at this point,

  • you might as well just give me a Cobb salad covered in vodka.

  • There you guys have it! Those are my thank you notes!

-And I was just running a bit behind today,

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B1 TheTonightShow whoa whoa laughter applause lizzo casting

Thank You Notes: Hustlers for Casting Lizzo, Fancy Bloody Marys

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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