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  • -This is so exciting.

  • We are here on Sunday night.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • It's crazy.

  • Right now, everyone who passed out during the game is waking up

  • to this like, "Oh, my God, I slept through Monday?

  • I am so fired."

  • But it was an interesting day around the office, too.

  • At 1:00 p.m., people on the crew, they came up to me

  • and they were like, "Hey, Jimmy, I had to sell

  • my New York Jets tickets because of today's show.

  • I had to sell them."

  • By 4:00 p.m., they were like, "Hey, thanks for doing the show,

  • so I didn't have to watch the freaking Jets.

  • Here's a little something for you.

  • Thank you very much."

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • "I didn't have to watch it."

  • We're at the start of a new season.

  • I guess one of the big trends this year

  • is healthier foods at the stadium.

  • Yep, the Dallas Cowboys

  • are now selling quinoa salad and mushroom burgers.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • If you're interested,

  • look for the concession stand with no one in line.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Not only that, I read that more stadiums

  • are offering a selection of fine wines.

  • [ Audience oohs ]

  • Here's how it works.

  • First, you pick out a nice vintage.

  • Then you taste it, then you strap two bottles

  • to a helmet with a giant plastic tube.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Bottle of red, bottle of white.

  • Rosé, baby! Rosé.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Of course, we're coming to you after tonight's big Sunday night

  • game between the Patriots and the Steelers.

  • Before the game, Rob Gronkowski busted out of the tunnel,

  • chest bumped his teammates, trash-talked the Steelers,

  • and then remembered he retired six months ago.

  • Like, "Alright, my bad. Sorry about that, forgot."

  • The big NFL story is

  • about superstar wide receiver Antonio Brown.

  • Have you been keeping up with this?

  • So here's the story, I think.

  • Antonio got frostbite on his feet

  • after he went into one of those cryotherapy chambers

  • wearing the wrong shoes or something.

  • He froze -- Frostbite on his feet.

  • So he had to -- He got in trouble for that.

  • Then he didn't want to play

  • because his helmet wasn't NFL-approved.

  • He wanted to play with an old helmet that he liked.

  • Yeah, and then he cursed out the GM and threatened to fight him,

  • then went on social media

  • and asked to be released from the team.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Even "Bachelor" fans were like, "This is way too much drama.

  • I can't. This is just one man."

  • Guys, I love the NFL so much. I'm so pumped.

  • And not just for the games, but also 'cause it means

  • we get to do my favorite segment.

  • Are you ready for this, Tariq? -Absolutely.

  • -It is time for "Tariq lightly roasts the NFL mascots."

  • Here we go.

  • ♪ -Tariq lightly roasts NFL mascots

  • -Alright.

  • First up, we got Who Dey for the Bengals.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Okay. I mean, is it just me,

  • or does his shirt look a little too small?

  • -[ Laughs ] Oh, snap, he did it, not me.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • He said it, not me. His words, not mine.

  • Yeah.

  • -Sorry. Who are you guys?

  • -Who you think? We Team Tariq, baby!

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -Yeah, that's right. That's right.

  • We support everything this man does.

  • Isn't that right, Tariq?

  • Keep doing your thing, Tariq.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Alright, alright.

  • Up next, you got Roary for the Lions.

  • I mean, no offense, man, but you could use a haircut.

  • -[ Laughs ] No, he didn't!

  • He went there.

  • -Jimmy, can we even say that on TV?

  • Hey, yo, call standards and practices. We all getting fired.

  • -Everybody getting fired.

  • Pull out your wallets. -Wow.

  • -Billy Buffalo for the Bills, right?

  • Uh, last time I checked, buffalos ain't blue.

  • -[ Laughs ] What?

  • I mean, what?

  • You kidding me?

  • -I mean, how do you even recover from that?

  • Trick question. You can't!

  • -Can't do it. Can't do it. -I'm so sorry.

  • Are you wearing two pairs of glasses, the guy in the back?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I just noticed.

  • [ Applause ]

  • -Yeah. Yeah, I need the second pair to see.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Hey, man, how you gonna make fun

  • of this brother's ailment, man? He got problems.

  • -Alright, I apologize. -Just cool it, man.

  • -Hey, yo, keep going, Tariq!

  • -Alright. Alright. Alright.

  • This is Pat the Patriot for the Patriots.

  • I mean, to be honest, his smile is kind of creepy.

  • -What the -- [ Screaming ]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I mean, is this even legal? -What?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -You're killing them. Genius.

  • -Wrecking stuff, man. Cool.

  • -Steely McBeam for the Steelers.

  • I mean, you have to admit,

  • I mean, it's kind of -- it's a weird name.

  • -Oh, my God!

  • [ Laughter ]

  • He done it again! [ Laughter ]

  • -It's over!

  • Hey, hey, call me a cab 'cause this is over.

  • -Team Tariq! Tariq, Tariq, Tariq!

  • -Thank you. Give it up for Tariq Trotter.

  • Bashir Salahuddin. [ Cheers and applause ]

  • And Diallo Riddle.

  • That has been "Tariq lightly roasts NFL mascots."

  • Thank you for being here, guys.

  • ♪ -Tariq lightly roasts NFL mascots

-This is so exciting.

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B1 TheTonightShow tariq nfl laughter lightly steelers

The Roots' Tariq Trotter Lightly Roasts NFL Mascots

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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