Subtitles section Play video
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Halloween is around the corner.
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Are you excited about that?
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[APPLAUSE]
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Yep, right around the corner.
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It's at the intersection of Not Again Avenue
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and I Dread It Every Year Street.
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[LAUGHTER]
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Each Halloween, I have to dress up on the show.
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They snuck it into my contract somehow.
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I shouldn't have to dress up for Halloween anymore.
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I'm in my mid to late 40s.
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I don't need to--
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[LAUGHTER]
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I don't know what I'm going to be yet,
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but I've been doing some research
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and it looks like they just do a sexy version of anything.
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And I've talked about this before,
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but it's really getting out of hand.
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Apparently, we're running out of things to make sexy.
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Every year, they take a children's character
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and then they try to make it-- this
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is sexy Bert and Ernie right here.
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[LAUGHTER]
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They don't really live on Sesame Street,
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they just work the corner.
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[LAUGHTER]
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It's another kid's character they're trying to--
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Sexy Mr. Rogers.
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Looks more like a Hooters waitress with a tie.
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That doesn't even look like Mr. Rogers.
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The next one is topical and barely makes sense.
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This is sexy fake news.
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There's "Fake" right across--
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I don't know if it's referring to the news or the--
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Last year I showed you this.
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This was sexy Dory and I guess it wasn't sexy enough
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because now I found this this year.
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Yeah, she's wearing fishnets, you get it?
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[LAUGHTER]
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Fishnets.
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It's a fish.
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You know what they say, if you can't beat them, join them.
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So I'm going to sell my own sexy costume this year.
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It's not sexy Ellen--
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I'm already too sexy for TV--
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but someone on my staff.
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It's sexy Average Andy and it comes
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with a headset and nicotine gum and tighty-whities.
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[APPLAUSE]
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It's business on top and average party even down below.
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Surprise, Andy.
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Yeah, it's a great surprise.
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Do you like this?
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It was a little surprise.
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You didn't know that was in the script, did you?
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Sure did not.
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Aw.