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  • Hi, everybody.

  • It's me, Ellen.

  • And Andy.

  • Hi.

  • And Andy.

  • Yeah.

  • I should leave a pause for that.

  • I'm so sorry.

  • It's OK.

  • It is.

  • It should be The Ellen and Andy Show.

  • Oh, stop it.

  • But I brought a beach chair today,

  • so I'm going to be a little more relaxed.

  • Oh, good.

  • I'm so glad.

  • Why didn't you think of that before?

  • I don't know, but I had it in the back of my car.

  • Why didn't I think about it?

  • I don't know.

  • How's my angle?

  • Do I look OK?

  • Yeah.

  • I can see you right beneath mop Mary.

  • All right, well, welcome to our television show.

  • Yes.

  • Welcome to The Ellen and Andy Show.

  • If it looks like a YouTube channel, it's not.

  • But don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe.

  • How's everybody holding up?

  • How y'all doing?

  • Remember when we thought this was only in the last two weeks?

  • That was three years ago, wasn't it?

  • Now we're like mole people.

  • I hope you're all safe.

  • I really do.

  • The best thing we can do right now

  • is stay home, wash our hands, and eat another bag of Cheetos.

  • That's what I'm doing.

  • There's a lot of misinformation out there.

  • Some people claim that there are certain medicines that

  • can help cure COVID-19.

  • Some people even suggested drinking bleach would help.

  • Definitely will not.

  • For sure.

  • It for sure won't.

  • No, for sure.

  • Medical experts actually had to come out and tell people

  • not to drink bleach.

  • I wouldn't have thought that--

  • I just-- I can't believe they had to come out and say,

  • don't do that.

  • But apparently, some people did not know that.

  • And if they don't know that, there's probably other things

  • that they don't know either.

  • So I thought I would share some other things

  • that you're not supposed to do.

  • For instance, don't stare at the sun.

  • Don't.

  • It's hard not to because it's there every single day.

  • It wakes you up.

  • And there it is right before you,

  • just sitting up there in the sky, saying, hey, look at me.

  • I make up 99.86% of the mass in the solar system.

  • That's what it's saying.

  • But the sun is very, very, very bright.

  • It's a fly.

  • Do you have a bat?

  • Do you have a bat in there?

  • No, it's not a bat.

  • I just see your hands flailing.

  • It's a large fly.

  • I hope it's not a bat.

  • It would be a tiny bat.

  • Anyway, the sun is very bright.

  • It will burn your eyes.

  • So don't do that.

  • Let me offer you an alternative.

  • Stare at the moon.

  • It's also big.

  • It hangs in the sky, unlike the sun.

  • It has phases.

  • I went through a phase once.

  • It was called men.

  • If you're playing a lesbian drinking game,

  • there's a shot for you.

  • Whenever there's a lesbian joke, you.

  • Here's another one.

  • Don't stick your finger in an electrical socket.

  • I know in cartoons, it makes your hair stand up.

  • But I'm pretty sure your hair is looking like that at this point

  • anyway.

  • So stay away from them.

  • And finally-- I can't believe I have to say this--

  • don't make toast in the bathtub.

  • I know.

  • I know.

  • Who doesn't like crunchy bread with a hot soak?

  • Turns out it's dangerous.

  • Electricity and water don't mix, like oil and water.

  • So don't bring oil in the bathtub either.

  • More importantly, don't bring toasters in the bathtub.

  • What I'm saying is, make your toast before you take a bath.

  • And I know your next question-- yes.

  • You can eat the toast in the tub.

  • Don't make it there, but you can bring toast in the tub.

  • I don't have time to get into all the other things

  • that you shouldn't do, like juggle chainsaws,

  • or lend money to Reese Witherspoon.

  • But--

Hi, everybody.

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A2 TheEllenShow bat toast bathtub sun lesbian

General Tips on What Not to Do in Life

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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