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  • I was going to pick you up.

  • I wasn't going to let you.

  • But then-- I know.

  • And then I thought, well, I'm in heels.

  • I shouldn't try it in front of so many people.

  • Wow, smart of you.

  • Now, happy birthday.

  • Oh, thank you so much.

  • Oh, my gosh.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • How old are you?

  • What a way to spend it.

  • I'm 36.

  • Your 36?

  • That's a great age.

  • I think and hope so.

  • It really is.

  • Cause you get better as you get older, to a certain point,

  • and then you just get older, you know?

  • I'm finding that now.

  • I'm like, over the point--

  • What's 60?

  • I don't know.

  • 60 feels good.

  • And then when you get over 60, you're

  • like, eh, let's forget the rest of the-- you know?

  • And I'm fine.

  • But it's just, that's a really good.

  • The whole 30s is good.

  • OK, good.

  • Yeah, it's really good.

  • Whole 30s.

  • Do you like birthdays?

  • What are you doing to celebrate?

  • I realized I asked you to dinner tonight.

  • But you have something planned, probably.

  • Yeah, well, I mean, I'm going out with my sister.

  • My sister's in town.

  • She came with me last night to the Globes.

  • Gosh, we had fun.

  • Oh, my gosh, she had so much fun.

  • Yeah, she must-- well, that was your first time at the Globes,

  • too, right?

  • Yes.

  • Now, that's quite a time to be your first time there.

  • I mean, the table that we were at-- well, you're there.

  • Yeah.

  • You're there.

  • You are, to me, everything.

  • And then Portia, everything.

  • And then we had Carol Burnett, you

  • know, American legend, everything.

  • And then there was also Beyonce and Jay-Z at the table, which--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I mean, they're the King and Queen of America.

  • They are.

  • They were unbelievably gracious.

  • But my sister and I found out that we

  • were going to be at their table, and started

  • panicking, and making a list of, like, well, what can we say?

  • We live in one bedroom apartments in New York City.

  • What can we say?

  • Do you use Hello Fresh?

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • What kind of a milk do you like to drink?

  • And so my sister went right over, and has balls of steel,

  • and just was great.

  • And Beyonce was so nice.

  • And I was just such a--

  • I just pretended I had something on my pants,

  • and was sort of like--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • So I blew it, I blew it.

  • But you meet so many-- every week on SNL,

  • there's some huge person hosting and doing sketches with you.

  • Not Beyonce.

  • Oh.

  • We all know that's different.

  • We all know.

  • Yeah.

  • She was wearing a large thing.

  • And people were trying to get to her.

  • And she was being polite.

  • But you could tell she was just trying to not talk to people.

  • And I said, you should have worn something bigger.

  • Because if it would have--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • You need to protect yourself.

  • It was clearly not enough.

  • But, now, when I accepted the award, I thanked you.

  • And I said, I hate being--

  • because, I don't mean to say that.

  • Because people ask me to do things for them.

  • And I don't want them to think I hate it.

  • I do.

  • But I--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • But it's a lot of pressure to write something to give--

  • did you-- because I felt bad asking you.

  • But I wanted you to be the one to present it to me.

  • Well, usually, if anyone asks me to do anything,

  • I sort of seize up, and then try to find a way to say no.

  • Because I don't leave the house.

  • I think I leave the house less than you.

  • I think you do, too.

  • I think you're right.

  • But then the moment you texted me,

  • I was like, yes, yes, yes, yes.

  • Because, you know, you've changed my life,

  • you've changed so many people's lives, not just as a comedian.

  • I mean, you're the greatest comedian of all time.

  • Apart from the life that you've led,

  • and the choices that you've made,

  • and the bravery that you've shown.

  • And so I just wanted a chance to say to people

  • what that has meant to me, and how that's changed my life.

  • And when you got your--

  • remember when you got your Presidential Medal of freedom

  • from President Obama?

  • No, I don't remember that.

  • OK.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • That video, whenever I need to have a good cry,

  • I watch that video.

  • Because that signifies the movement

  • of our culture to me in the most beautiful way.

  • And so you asked me.

  • And I thought, well, I could certainly

  • match the gravitas of former presidents.

  • Surely, I can do just as good.

  • And so I was putting a lot of pressure on myself.

  • And then, you know, it was like a month leading up to it.

  • And I was like, gosh, I got to write that speech, got

  • to write that speech.

  • And instead, I clean my closets.

  • You have no idea what you did for me and my closet.

  • My closets are so--

  • I found space that I didn't even know I had.

  • I found rooms in my apartment that I didn't even know

  • were there.

  • Thank you so much.

  • You're welcome.

  • Yeah, so when did you write the speech?

  • On the plane.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I thought, well, now, I really got to--

  • I'm down to the wire here.

  • Yeah, that's how-- I wrote mine three days before.

  • My God.

  • Because I was the same.

  • I was like, how do you--

  • It's a lot of pressure.

  • What do you say?

  • We are back with Kate McKinnon.

  • And now, who's taking care of your cat while you're gone?

  • Because you love your cat.

  • A dear friend of mine takes care of my cat.

  • And he-- it's a good thing-- oh.

  • Look, there he is.

  • He's my best friend.

  • He's my son.

  • He came from my body.

  • But we--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • It's hard with us right now.

  • Because I don't know if you have this problem

  • with any your cats.

  • This guy does not sleep through the night.

  • Yep, that's my little guy.

  • And he, at 5:30 AM, every morning--

  • I don't know if you have this--

  • he wakes me up by licking my eyes and mouth.

  • And he sort of-- yeah, he's kind of trying to make out with me,

  • I think.

  • So he licks my eyes and mouth.

  • And I have to get up.

  • And I feed him.

  • And then I try to shut him out of my bedroom.

  • Because he's up.

  • And then he scratches and screams

  • for the rest of the night.

  • And I haven't slept in six years.

  • Oh, wow, that's not good, that's not healthy.

  • Yeah, yeah.

  • Yeah.

  • So I don't know what to do.

  • And his latest little thing is that, if I really shut him out,

  • he sometimes will just leave a single turd at the door.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • That's impressive.

  • As if to say, well, if you're going to do that,

  • then I'm going to do this, and let's see where we end up.

  • Yeah, I wouldn't lock him out anymore, if I were you.

  • Mine does not do that.

  • Charlie meows, she just jumps down throughout the night.

  • And when she comes back, she needs to announce her arrival.

  • So just right when she gets in the bed,

  • she's, meow, in my face.

  • So I'm sound asleep.

  • And so she meows.

  • And the reason she meows is because I

  • need to lift the covers up, for her to go in,

  • to turn around, to put our head next to me

  • on the pillow, which is adorable.

  • But I'm asleep And I'm just lifting the thing up, and just

  • waiting for her to--

  • anyway, that that's what my cat does.

  • We obviously don't have a picture of my cat, just yours.

  • I don't need to see my cat.

  • That's all right.

  • Yeah, they're running--

  • Oh, my goodness.

  • That's Charlie.

  • What a gorgeous girl--

  • boy-- girl--

  • Girl, yeah.

  • That's chairman looking like a mountain lion.

  • Oh, my goodness.

  • She looks enormous there.

  • That is George looking at a bobcat right

  • outside of the window.

  • You can imagine them looking-- there's

  • a bobcat outside the window.

  • Uh-huh, do you think he felt bad about himself that day?

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Thinking, I could be--

  • For not being a bobcat.

  • Not being a bobcat.

  • There might have been--

  • I think the bobcat was curious, like,

  • how do you get to live inside?

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • How do I get that gig?

  • All right, we've talked too long.

  • You didn't know what we're going to talk about.

  • And now we've talked way too long.

  • And now--

  • Oh, my goodness.

  • Now, we have to go to a commercial break, OK?

  • I'll take it.

  • OK.

  • All right, thanks.

  • All right.

  • All right.

  • We'll be back.

I was going to pick you up.

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Beyoncé & Jay-Z Left Kate McKinnon Speechless at the Golden Globes

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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