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  • Oh, hi.

  • I'm-- honestly, I don't even know anymore.

  • I think I was formerly known as Kristen Bell.

  • Here I am, though, in my home, where I've been

  • for approximately 300 days.

  • And there you are watching me, probably

  • in your kitchen or your bathroom or your bedroom wearing

  • the same sweatpants that you wore to bed last night.

  • Or if you're a baller, no pants at all.

  • Either way, welcome to Season 5 of Momsplaining.

  • We expected this first episode to be a hilarious romp

  • through the trials of teaching your kids about sex.

  • But 2020 had other plans.

  • We actually did shoot that episode.

  • And a lot more.

  • [CHATTER]

  • I got it!

  • Guys!

  • I need some poopy pants!

  • Never have I ever forgotten my child somewhere.

  • Daddy, what's sex?

  • Sometimes Mommy and Daddy--

  • What are bases?

  • Oh.

  • Who told you about that?

  • What's your five-year plan?

  • But today, I'm going to share with you some

  • of the things that have helped me

  • through this cuckoo, bananas, crazy pants time.

  • (WHISPERING) Rosé-- it's rosé.

  • (RAPPING) To all you moms out there, maybe doing it right.

  • You know, I've found one of the most important things

  • to do during this time is to have gratitude,

  • because it's a cure all.

  • It cures depression, it comes your brain.

  • It gives you warm, fuzzy feelings.

  • And that actually might just be my hairy legs.

  • But think of all the things we've taken for granted.

  • Just being able to touch your face.

  • The things I'm grateful for right

  • now are doctors, nurses, janitors, grocery store

  • workers, pharmacists, delivery employees, teachers,

  • mugs with rose, teachers.

  • Did I say teachers?

  • Of course, we've all come to know the two worst

  • words in the English language.

  • Home schooling.

  • [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]

  • There are a few people that have come out victorious

  • in this situation, though.

  • Germaphobes, stay at home moms, they're all like,

  • I told you how [BLEEP] hard this is.

  • And since we can't go out to get anything,

  • we've all become great at DIY.

  • You know, if you don't have a mask, no problem.

  • Look at this.

  • Use your diapers.

  • How brilliant!

  • Necessity is the mother of invention.

  • And I feel safer already.

  • This is actually substantially more comfortable

  • than wearing it up your butt.

  • You know, this is a really important time

  • to check in with friends and family.

  • Because humans need community.

  • So I think I'm going to do that right now.

  • I'm going to check in with new mama Ashley Graham.

  • Hi, Ashley!

  • Hello!

  • How do you look this good during a quarantine?

  • Honey, I can do a full beat when I need to.

  • Oh my God.

  • How are you?

  • How is your new baby?

  • We're actually-- we're doing really good in this quarantine.

  • Everybody kind of has figured out their roles.

  • We're with my mom and we're in Nebraska where I grew up.

  • That's kind of wonderful.

  • And having a mom around is also great, being a new mom.

  • Yes.

  • OK, listen.

  • I wanted to play a little game with you.

  • I wrote up some questions here.

  • That looks like a CVS receipt.

  • Oh it is.

  • Speed round.

  • When was the last time you showered?

  • Well I showered for you.

  • But the biggest question here I think is, when's the last time

  • I brushed my teeth?

  • Listen, you've already got a baby.

  • Don't worry about it.

  • I shower two days ago.

  • How long are your toenails.

  • That's a question from here.

  • Now I don't know these people who don't

  • know how to cut their toenails.

  • Agreed!

  • But it's the calluses that are as thick as a sandwich.

  • I've got to figure that out.

  • I need a cheese grater or something.

  • Preach.

  • But I agree.

  • I keep mine nice and stumpy, just the way I like 'em.

  • What have you learned about yourself as a mother?

  • My breasts are very talented, multifaceted.

  • And I am so proud of them.

  • They're the star of the show.

  • Can you imagine having 12 children?

  • And I ask this because my grandma had 12 children.

  • Wow.

  • Your grandma's a G.

  • I know, right?

  • I could see myself having a lot of kids.

  • Justin really only wants two.

  • I had big hopes and dreams for a lot of kids too.

  • And then when they get here and you hear how much they talk,

  • it's like having all the radio stations on at one time.

  • I mean, I know you're telling the truth.

  • But it is just so funny to hear that.

  • But doing schoolwork with them, it is absolutely miserable.

  • When we started this quarantine, the first math

  • worksheet I gave my daughter, in all the answer lines,

  • she wrote, no, no, no, no, no.

  • Ashley, do you have a G-string in your house?

  • Last time I wore a G-string was probably

  • the night that I got pregnant.

  • OK.

  • Let me show you a trick.

  • I do have-- I do have these big ass granny panties, though.

  • Try those.

  • This is how not to get pregnant again.

  • Oh wow.

  • Don't you feel safe?

  • PPE, baby.

  • How do I--

  • That-- put it on.

  • Yep.

  • Perfect.

  • What's up?

  • Thank you, Ashley.

  • All right.

  • Stay safe.

  • And now go disinfect anything that you've touched

  • while we've been talking.

  • It was so nice to speak with you.

  • Kristen, always a pleasure.

  • Thank you.

  • And happy quarantining.

  • Happy quarantining.

  • Guys, for real, this has not been easy.

  • Just know that this is not forever.

  • And it will pass.

  • Until then, everyone needs to stay home.

  • This is how deep inside your house you should be.

  • I miss you.

  • I love you.

  • And stay safe.

  • I do want to give one shout out to our Season 5

  • sponsor, Hyundai.

  • Which rhymes with Sunday.

  • Which rhymes with someday.

  • And someday, we will be able to hug each other again.

  • Until then, we all have to support each other

  • in every way we can.

  • And Hyundai Hope On Wheels is taking new steps

  • to help families in need with a $4 million

  • commitment to support 22 hospitals and medical centers

  • in cities across the country with drive-thru testing

  • locations for COVID-19.

  • So the most at risk can get tested safely.

  • Because making things better for you and your family

  • is Hyundai's first priority.

  • So thank you, Hyundai.

Oh, hi.

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B1 TheEllenShow ashley hyundai kristen quarantine mom

Surviving Quarantine with New Mom Ashley Graham: #Momsplaining with Kristen Bell

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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