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  • tWitch, which Macy's dressing room

  • will you be going to this weekend?

  • tWitch?

  • Wow.

  • The one that's in our bathroom probably,

  • since we can't got nowhere.

  • Why don't you explain it, Ellen?

  • Why don't you explain why you asked that question.

  • Because last week we learned--

  • we were playing "Spill the Tea," but quarantine tea--

  • "quarantin-tea."

  • And I learned-- and tWitch was playing.

  • And the secret was that you got caught

  • in a Macy's dressing room doing the dipsy doodle.

  • Doing the dipsy doodle.

  • Yeah.

  • Yeah, that's what you were doing.

  • They said, hey, don't be--

  • I see y'all doing the dipsy doodle in there.

  • Yeah.

  • You can't do the dipsy doodle.

  • Try Nordstrom's, if you can, if they're opened up.

  • Try to go to--

  • it a good dressing room to do the dipsy--

  • They have a nice dressing room there.

  • Yeah, to do the dipsy doodle in.

  • I realized there could be a lot of things

  • I don't know about you.

  • So we're going to play "Never Have I Ever."

  • Andy, you're gonna play as well.

  • OK.

  • I think I know everything about both of you.

  • But that surprised me about tWitch.

  • So everybody, we'll get our paddles.

  • All right, here we go.

  • I'll ask the questions, and we'll answer truthfully.

  • The whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help us all.

  • Here are the questions.

  • Never have I ever stolen something from work.

  • What have y'all stolen?

  • What did you steal, tWitch?

  • Ellen, you know how many "Ellen" coffee mugs I have here?

  • Oh, wow.

  • All right, what about you, Andy?

  • What have you stolen?

  • Candy.

  • My wife is always going, can you bring home

  • some candy from Craft Services?

  • So I do.

  • You guys.

  • Never have I ever read someone else's text

  • over their shoulder.

  • Absolutely.

  • You're a liar, tWitch.

  • No, I don't think we have.

  • Really?

  • Andy, I would see.

  • Andy's a very curious--

  • and he wants to make sure it's not about him.

  • He's paranoid, and he's curious.

  • Yes, I have.

  • OK.

  • Never have I ever ruined a plant in Ellen's backyard.

  • I for sure.

  • I have destroyed a number of them.

  • Yeah, you have.

  • With the fall last week, I took out maybe two completely.

  • Yeah.

  • That was quite a fall.

  • Never have I ever given someone a lap dance.

  • I haven't.

  • All right.

  • tWitch and I have.

  • That's what we do.

  • We're dancers.

  • Andy, we got to change that.

  • Yeah, you got to change that.

  • You got to give somebody a lap dance, Andy.

  • It's fun.

  • OK.

  • OK.

  • After quarantine.

  • Never have I ever had sex in a car.

  • Never have I had sex in a-- oh.

  • Never have I ever had sex in a car.

  • Please.

  • If tWitch is doing it in public dressing rooms,

  • we know he's doing it in the car.

  • There's no place he hasn't done it.

  • I don't know if his bed is comfortable or--

  • I don't know what's wrong with his bed.

  • Never have I ever peed in a pool.

  • Your pool.

  • You guys are gross.

  • Never have I ever gone to a nude beach.

  • You have?

  • You have, Andy?

  • Yeah.

  • But I didn't participate.

  • You had clothes on?

  • Yeah.

  • There's a small area in Malibu that is a nude beach

  • and I didn't know, where there's these caves.

  • And so I went down, realized it was a nude beach,

  • looked a little bit and then took off.

  • So I've been to one, but didn't participate.

  • All right.

  • Never have I ever posted anything online by mistake.

  • Oh, online?

  • No.

  • I don't think so.

  • Never have I ever been drunk at work.

  • Not at your show, Ellen.

  • But at the Rosie O'Donnell Show, yeah, drunk all the time.

  • Yeah, I assumed that.

  • At the Rosie O'Donnell Show you were always,

  • because that's when you were not sober.

  • That's correct.

  • Never have I ever lied to my boss.

  • I mean--

  • What have you lied to me about, Andy?

  • I mean, not you, but bosses.

  • OK.

  • And probably you at some point.

  • OK.

  • Never have I ever been in a Viagra commercial.

  • Come on.

  • With tWitch?

  • Did you find an old one of tWitch?

  • Nope.

  • Andy, I did find one that you were in.

  • Yeah.

  • So you're calling me a liar?

  • Roll it, Larry.

  • When it comes to romance, you want to be ready

  • whenever the moment is right.

  • But lately you haven't been feeling like yourself.

  • It may be time to ask your doctor about Viagra.

  • Viagra is the only pill clinically

  • proven to get you back in the mood in no time.

  • With Viagra, you'll start feeling like yourself again.

  • Viagra isn't for everyone.

  • Side effects may include trouble walking, trouble running,

  • and trouble pronouncing certain words.

  • "Is-the-dickses."

  • And if you have a "you know what"

  • lasting longer than four hours, seek

  • immediate medical attention.

  • So ask your doctor if Viagra is right for you.

  • And start enjoying life the way you used to.

  • I'm a naughty horse.

  • I'm a naughty horse.

  • Viagra, because you're a naughty horse.

  • [NEIGHING] I'm a naughty horse.

  • I'm a naughty horse.

  • What the?

  • Andy?

  • What?

  • Do you ever question your choices in life?

  • Every day.

  • OK.

  • But it's so much fun though, right?

  • Yeah, I love it.

  • Well, it turns out--

  • It is a lot of fun.

  • --I was told that I also had done a Viagra commercial.

  • I don't really remember it.

  • But I guess I'm going to see it to.

  • Hello, men.

  • It's me, Ellen DeGeneres.

  • Listen, I'll be honest with you, I don't have an accent.

  • And when it comes to your downstairs area,

  • I don't know how any of it works.

  • And frankly, I don't care.

  • But I know that when you can't wake up "Sleepy Joe,"

  • it's a nightmare.

  • It's nothing to be ashamed of.

  • Plenty of men can't get their noodles al dente.

  • So if your soldier won't salute, then Viagra is for you.

  • Sure there's lots of problems in the world-- crime,

  • the economy, global warming.

  • But this is important.

  • We need to fix your [WHISTLES] [MAKES EXPLOSION SOUND]..

  • All you need is one of these little blue pills.

  • I fell off the bed.

  • But I have to warn you, if you have dizziness, difficulty

  • sleeping, or if your cobra remains

  • charmed for more than four hours, please,

  • please see a doctor.

  • So if you think Viagra's right for you,

  • talk to your doctor or your health care provider.

  • Just don't talk to me about it.

  • Yucky.

  • [CROWD CHEERING]

  • God, I miss the sound of an audience.

  • Yes, I know.

  • We had an audience.

  • People enjoyed us.

  • We don't know what's happening now.

  • We could just be us talking and no one's watching.

  • Probably.

  • All right, we'll be back.

tWitch, which Macy's dressing room

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A2 TheEllenShow viagra doodle naughty dressing dressing room

Ellen, tWitch, & Andy Play ‘Never Have I Ever’

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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