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  • Thank you so much, everybody, for being here.

  • And thank you at home for watching.

  • And thank you for being here and then going home and watching

  • to look for yourselves--


  • --on TV, feeling very thankful because it's

  • Thanksgiving tomorrow.


  • Which means there's only one more day until you

  • find yourself saying, no, Grandma, not all gay people

  • can sing.


  • This is obviously the time of year

  • when everyone thinks about what they're thankful for.

  • So I thought on the count of three,

  • we would all say what we're thankful for.

  • OK?

  • 1, 2, 3, Cheetos!



  • I mean, family!


  • But I do like Cheetos.


  • I try to be thankful every day, because I

  • have a lot to be thankful for.

  • I'm thankful for my wife.

  • I'm thankful for my friends, my family, everyone

  • who works here, and sometimes, Andy and Mary.


  • Mary is thankful, probably, that I haven't talked

  • about her rash for a long time.


  • Yeah, because it's cleared up.

  • So I'm sure that she's grateful that it

  • was an average-size rash.


  • And, well, Andy is grateful that we haven't mentioned what

  • he has that's average-sized.


  • You guys, no!


  • Filthy!

  • I meant, no, his brain!


  • His brain!

  • No, he has a very big brain, and he has a very huge heart,

  • and he has average calves and tiny penis.


  • Thanksgiving is a good time to reflect on our gratitude,

  • because it can be stressful.

  • And you know when you get up in the middle of the night,

  • and you have to go to the bathroom?

  • That's what Thanksgiving is like.


  • Hear me out.

  • So you're not totally sure what's in front of you,

  • and you have to tiptoe around, and you're

  • a little groggy from all the wine,

  • and if you make one wrong move, you're going to get hurt.

  • It's like Thanksgiving.


  • You know?

  • So with that in mind, I have some Thanksgiving advice

  • before I leave and walk over there.


  • OK, it applies to any stressful situation.

  • It's something I came up with after my husband became

  • president.


  • I'm thinking of Michelle Obama.


  • But it goes like this.

  • When they go low, you pack up your things

  • and get the hell out of there and try to find a new family.


  • Good luck.

Thank you so much, everybody, for being here.

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A2 TheEllenShow laughter thankful thanksgiving stressful cheetos

Ellen’s Advice to Get Through a Stressful Thanksgiving Holiday

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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