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  • First of all, how old are your daughters?

  • One's about to be two and one's about to be four.

  • They're very young.

  • What if they--

  • They just came out of me.

  • Yeah.

  • They still smell--

  • I know.

  • You're usually--

  • Yeah.

  • This is the first time I've seen you not pregnant.

  • Oh, yeah?

  • But what happens if they want to be comedians?

  • Would you want them to be comedians?

  • Would you want any of your progeny to be comedians?

  • No.

  • No.

  • It's a hard job.

  • It's a hard job, because now it's nice,

  • but staying in those hotels, sleeping on those squishy-ass

  • mattresses in those comedy condos that are full of God

  • knows what--

  • Yep.

  • --it's not safe--

  • Yeah.

  • --you know what I mean, for women.

  • And I think that's a big reason why a lot of women

  • don't do stand-up, because of the road.

  • Yeah.

  • It's not getting up on-stage that's hard.

  • It's going on the road, getting in a car with all

  • these different strangers, being in these cities by yourself,

  • and walking back to your car at night.

  • It's really difficult.

  • Before you make it, I was traveling alone.

  • I didn't have anybody.

  • I didn't have money to tra--

  • you travel alone a lot.

  • And you stay in these horrible places.

  • And it doesn't feel safe.

  • But you love stand-up though.

  • I do.

  • You did stand-up on your wedding night.

  • I did.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • What does that mean?

  • So you had a gig?

  • I got married at city hall, because I

  • didn't want to have a formal wedding, because I'm

  • a stand-up comic, and I was like, I

  • don't want to walk down an aisle for 60 seconds

  • while people stare at me in silence.

  • Right.

  • That would give me PTSD.

  • I see.

  • Yes.

  • Yeah.

  • That would be very awkward.

  • Right.

  • But for other women, that sounds really exciting.

  • To get into hair and makeup is really exciting.

  • Yeah.

  • But for me, I was like, that sounds like a nightmare.

  • And so we just got married at city hall.

  • And then I also didn't want to torture my friends

  • and make them be bridesmaids.

  • Yeah.

  • Have you been a bridesmaid ever?

  • That is cruel.

  • No, that's cruel.

  • I was once a long, long time ago.

  • I think it's mean to do that to women.

  • I do.

  • When people would ask me, do you want to be my bridesmaid,

  • I started to hear, do you want to be financially burdened?

  • Do you want to spend, like, $150 on this bogus-ass dress that

  • you're--

  • That you'll never wear again.

  • --never going to wear again--

  • Yeah.

  • Right.

  • --and spend a weekend with a bunch of B-I-T-C--

  • am I allowed to say--

  • You can say it.

  • Yeah.

  • --bitches that you don't know?

  • Right.

  • Yeah.

  • It's like, there's always some weird cousin with braces

  • who's socially awkward.

  • Right.

  • And then where you're celebrating them

  • and they're like, here's a penis necklace,

  • here's a penis hat, let's play pin the penis on the penis.

  • And I'm like, if I'm about to get married,

  • I don't want to wear a penis candy necklace.

  • I want a real penis--

  • Right.

  • --that's not the penis I'm going to have forever.

  • You know?

  • Right.

  • I have to say, that's the record number of the times someone--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • --has said "penis" within 60 seconds.

  • That was-- congratulations.

  • You win a 65-inch TCL Roku TV.

  • [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

  • All right.

  • So the book you-- it's very funny and it's really sweet.

  • It's for your girls, because your dad--

  • tell the story.

  • Yeah, so after "Baby Cobra," I had gotten offered a book deal,

  • and I was like, I don't really have an idea.

  • But then I remembered my dad had written me this letter that

  • started with "Dear Alexandra"-- that's my full real name--

  • before he passed away, and it was sort of reflecting

  • on our relationship.

  • And it was really sweet.

  • But it was short.

  • And I wished that he had written more.

  • And after he passed, it was too late to ask

  • him all of these questions about who

  • he was before he became my dad.

  • And he grew up really poor.

  • And I only knew him as this successful anesthesiologist,

  • but he overcame a lot of obstacles and failure.

  • And I really wanted to talk a lot about that with him,

  • especially at that time, but it was too late.

  • He had already passed away.

  • And so with my girls, they only know me

  • after I filmed those specials with them in utero.

  • I put them to work right away.

  • Yes.

  • So they don't know everything that I went through

  • to get to where I am.

  • And I think it's really important.

  • But they're not going to be able to read it until they're older,

  • because it's filthy dirty.

  • Yes!

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • The name of the book is--

  • it's "Dear Girls."

  • Everyone in the audience is getting a copy.

  • [CHEERING]

  • We'll be back.

  • Hi, I'm Andy.

  • Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel,

  • so you can see more awesome videos, like videos

  • of me getting scared or saying embarrassing things,

  • like ball peen hammer, and also some videos of Ellen

  • and other celebrities, if you're into that sort of thing.

  • Yah!

  • Oh, [BLEEP]!

  • God!

  • [BLEEP]

First of all, how old are your daughters?

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Ali Wong on Whether She Wants Her Daughters to Be Comedians

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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