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Hello, world.
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So as you know, this is Ellen's season 17 premiere week.
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We have just finished the first week, and it has been amazing.
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But in honor of it, I thought that I would go back and react
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to my very first time on this show, which
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was January 2, 2018.
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Now, I haven't watched this since it aired.
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I personally don't like watching myself on TV.
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But I was asked to do this, and I said,
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you know what, that could be fun.
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So here we go.
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Let's see how this goes.
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[UPBEAT MUSIC]
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From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, please welcome Kalen Allen.
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[CHEERING]
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[LAUGHS]
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OK, stop, stop, stop, stop.
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See, we already in this.
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Now, I don't care what nobody say,
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but baby, I look like a damn bottle of ketchup and mustard.
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This is not cute.
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Actually, I look like Arthur the aardvark.
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Y'all know Arthur.
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I still have this outfit too.
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Hey, Kalen!
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Oh my God.
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Hello.
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OK--
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OK, can I just say that this is the first time that I had ever
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been on national TV?
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And literally, I was so nervous.
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It was ridiculous.
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I literally had butterflies in my stomach the entire time.
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Also, it's the first time that I meet Ellen in person, which
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is nerve wracking in itself, because I was like, oh my gosh,
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I don't know how to do this.
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I've only seen this on YouTube videos with people.
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I don't know how this is going to go.
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OK, let's keep going.
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--how this started.
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Is it-- are you like a huge cooking fan,
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or what made you start watching them and then critiquing them?
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OK--
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[YELLS]
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Now, that's the real gag.
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Now, she asked me, am I cooking fan?
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Y'all, listen, I cook, but food was not my thing.
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OK, let's keep going.
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So the way that the first video started-- so I was literally
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on my way to work.
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And so--
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Already being extra.
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--I sat there, and I was scrolling through my Facebook
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feed, and I was like, oh, this video's kind of funny.
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And now I watched it, and I was like--
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Yeah, that's really how it happened.
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--video and post it for my friends.
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So I put my little phone up, and I press play,
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and I press record.
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I edit it, you know, published it.
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At the end when I went to sleep that night,
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it had maybe like 20 likes on it.
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And then I woke up the next morning,
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I had like 6,000 followers on my Twitter.
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Now, listen, I'm a little boy from Kansas,
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so that don't happen all the time.
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Right.
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So that was iconic for me.
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Oh my gosh, that's so cute.
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Look at baby Kalen.
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OK, I got to stop being so nostalgic.
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Let me keep going.
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So that's when you knew you were onto something.
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Yeah.
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All right.
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So there's another video that I saw that I want to show.
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Let's take a look--
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Oh, what's the other video that we played?
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[YELLS]
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My favorite, potato salad cake!
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Oh!
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Oh!
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So good.
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Why y'all putting all them pickles on there?
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Pickles on there!
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[LAUGHS]
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Ooh, that's a fancy compartment.
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It is a fancy compartment.
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I have yet to find something that look like that.
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Oh, no.
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[LAUGHS]
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Oh!
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Y'all better not--
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Oh!
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This is nasty.
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Uh-uh, what y'all doing with the hot dogs?
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Child, whoever eat this, I know your breath is funky.
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[CHUCKLING]
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Oh, classic.
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Classic.
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My birthday was two days after this.
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So you watch these things-- first of all,
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I've never seen food like that in my life.
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I don't know where you find these videos of food like that.
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Mm, a mess.
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So you're an honor student.
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Where do you go to college?
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I go to Temple University.
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OK, and you have how many jobs?
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I have five jobs.
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[LAUGHS]
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I really did.
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I really had five jobs.
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Damn, Karter.
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Sorry-- sorry, y'all.
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Karter over-- Karter, lay down, please.
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Please.
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Daddy's trying to make a video.
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Please?
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Could you give me a break?
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[DOG BARKS]
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Y'all, having kids is a lot of work.
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Y'all, look at him.
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Look at him.
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I swear he don't know no other seat but my lap.
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OK, here we go, here we go.
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OK, and you have how many jobs?
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I have five jobs.
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OK, now we go into the five jobs.
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Mm, fix my camera.
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OK.
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So I do all this because--
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I really like Ellen's outfit.
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That was nice.
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--financially.
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I try to be independent.
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So my first job is I'm a front desk worker for the residence
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halls.
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Second job is I'm an Amazon Prime student brand ambassador.
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Yes, I do.
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Also, I do marketing for the theater and film department.
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And then the fourth job--
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child, what is that?
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Uh.
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Lord, I done forgot that--
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You do something for some medical things.
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Yes.
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Well, that's the fifth one.
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OK.
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So for--
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Amen, amen.
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--I'm a student standardized patient
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for the University of Pennsylvania
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in their medical school.
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Oh.
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Isn't that--
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That was a good job.
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Yeah.
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And that's fun, because you get to act,
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and you're helping these medical students.
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Mm-hmm.
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Actually, I do want to talk about that job.
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OK, so yes, I was a standardized patient
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for the University of Pennsylvania medical school.
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Let me tell y'all.
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I think I made like $22 an hour.
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And when I tell you all I had--
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[DOG BARKING]
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[CHUCKLES]
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All I had to do was go lay on a table and get a ultrasound gel,
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and used to make bank.
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Now, they also-- they would give you scripts,
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and you had to take the scripts and go and act
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like you was a patient, but I never got that far.
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I wasn't there long enough to do all that.
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So I was just doing the ultrasounds.
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And I used to fall asleep, y'all.
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I used to be knocked out cold.
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That was the best job ever.
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So I'm worried about your fourth job that--
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[LAUGHS]
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Wait, can we talk about this?
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Can we talk about how I literally
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had them numbered, and I knew which order I was
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going to talk about them in.
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So they would-- I forgot the fourth one.
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Like I remembered the fifth one, but then forgot the fourth one.
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But let's keep going.
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Wow, because how do you forget a job?
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Because it's so many.
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I know, there's--
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And I do them-- oh, I remember now!
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[LAUGHS]
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I remember.
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What do you do?
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OK.
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I am a co-host for Temple Talk, which is a show on campus.
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OK, so the funny thing about this
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is because I couldn't remember the fourth one,
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it really started to make me really, really nervous.
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So that's why they're like, after that, I
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started stuttering because I'm like, oh my gosh, now I [BLEEP]
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up.
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Oh, I can't say that!
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I can't say that on here.
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I had messed up.
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Messed up.
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That's a better word.
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OK, let me keep going.
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You forgot, though, that you were a co-host on a talk show?
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Mm-hmm.
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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Oh, tragic.
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All right.
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And do you cook yourself?
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Yes, I do.
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Actually, I make a very mean--
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Yes.
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--peach cobbler.
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People actually--
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I still make peach cobbler.
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--peach cobblers during the holidays.
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Really?
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Yes.
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And because I'm more--
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I also like Italian food.
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I do that too.
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--I don't like adding extra seasonings.
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I don't like being all extra with stuff.
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But one thing I don't understand is
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why people just put salt and pepper on stuff
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and just call it a day.
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Listen.
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I keep telling y'all.
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Quit putting salt and pepper on stuff.
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Y'all don't be listening to me.
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That's got nothing to do with peach cobbler.
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Yeah.
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That don't have nothing to do with peach cobbler.
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All right.
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Well, first of all, I think you're hilarious.
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Oh, this is my favorite part!
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And when I saw that video, I said I want to meet this guy.
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--going to make me cry.
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And then the more we thought about it,
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and we started talking about it, we
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want to make a deal with you so you actually have a platform
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and help you make these videos.
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And so we want you to help put these things out.
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Oh, stop playing with me, Ellen!
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All right.
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So-- we have a deal?
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Yes, we got a deal!
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All right, we have a deal.
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We're going to do this.
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Yay!
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[CHEERING]
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Y'all.
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Y'all.
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Can we just talk about how we just on here talking
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about food videos, and look all that I have done in two years.
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This is like my third season at the show.
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So this was season 15.