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  • Thanks for being here.

  • Oh you're very brave people, not just because of the way

  • you were dancing before I came out here.

  • [LAUGHTER] But because you're here

  • and you're out in the world.

  • Recently, our staff was hit with the flu.

  • I don't know.

  • It's going around, huh?

  • I don't want to say who brought this contagious

  • bug into our office.

  • I'm going to point.

  • You, Mary, you.

  • Or as I call her, patient zero.

  • That was her nickname before she got the flu.

  • I just call her patient zero, just because it's a cute name.

  • PZ, I like to say.

  • Mary didn't come to work last week.

  • And I thought, oh, god, she has another flare up with a rash.

  • And--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • And it wasn't the rash, though, right, Mary?

  • No, it was not the rash.

  • But then I heard she had the flu.

  • And I knew we were in trouble.

  • Because, then, it's going to spread.

  • Because we all work very closely together.

  • Kevin got it.

  • Then Ed got it, and he never calls in sick.

  • And then my producer, Matt Wright, got it.

  • He does call in sick, but usually because he's hung over.

  • And the next day the office looks like a scene

  • from the movie Contagion.

  • These are the assistants.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • And I think everyone was sent home.

  • Because everybody was so nervous.

  • And it's good that they're being extra cautious.

  • Right now, the office has more germs

  • in the hot tub on The Bachelor.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • You know that's full of germs.

  • If anyone here is feeling floozy, go home.

  • We don't need you here.

  • Just get up right now.

  • We're filming it.

  • You can watch it from home.

  • There are always these people that deny that they're sick.

  • They cough up a lung in front of you.

  • And you're like, what's wrong?

  • Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine, just clearing my throat.

  • It's like, well, your ear is bleeding.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I want everybody to stay healthy.

  • So I came up with a new-- we have the Ellen hoodies, which

  • are really popular.

  • Andy Zenor is going to model.

  • Come on out, Andy Zenor.

  • All right, so this is the new hoodie.

  • It comes with gloves.

  • And then you want to cover your face, not just

  • the back of your head.

  • So it comes with this.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Ah, that's good, right?

  • Yeah.

  • How's that feel in there?

  • Great.

  • OK.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • And then the back says, "Laugh, dance, disinfect."

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • There he goes.

  • I want all of you to stay healthy this flu season.

  • Today, this is a very special giveaway.

  • This is really exciting.

  • Everybody here is getting Purell.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Yep, everyone's getting Purell.

  • And that side, over there.

  • And when you put it on your hands,

  • just hold hands with the person next to you,

  • so you give it to them.

  • And then that's how we pass it around.

  • We can't afford this side.

  • So what we'll do is just hold hands.

  • Right now, I'm going to bring out the sickest guy I know,

  • but in the best possible way.

  • This is tWitch.

  • [MUSIC - BELL BIV DEVOE, "POISON"]

  • You ready, Ron?

  • I'm ready.

  • I'm ready slick, how are you?

  • Oh, yeah, break it down.

  • Girl, I must warn you.

  • I sense something strange in my mind.

  • Yo, the situation is serious.

  • Let's cure it.

  • Cause we're running out of time.

  • And it's oh, so beautiful.

  • Relationships, they seem, from the start.

  • It's all so deadly when love is not together from the heart.

  • It's driving me out of my mind.

  • That's why--

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Are you OK in there, tWitch?

  • I think I'm all right.

  • All right.

  • Is that the first time you've danced in a HAZMAT suit?

  • Yes.

  • Yeah, I feel like the way that people don't get sick

  • is there's just no air let in there at all, right?

  • That's how-- there you are.

  • Yeah, this is better.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • That's got to be hot in there.

  • So here's a short video to watch while tWitch catches his breath

  • from dancing in a HAZMAT.

  • A Short Video to Watch While tWitch

  • catches His Breath from Dancing in a HAZMAT Suit!

  • Wee!

  • Oh, my gosh.

  • Well, wherever you want to get off

  • is fine, usually right when you.

  • I've never done that.

  • I can't imagine.

  • That's got to be hard, though, right?

  • tWitch, last week, we were talking about the DJ booth,

  • and how you're not a DJ, and that none of that equipment is

  • plugged into anything.

  • Right, right.

  • Same thing we do to Andy's headset,

  • he thinks he's plugged into something.

  • Nobody's--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • He's wondering why nobody ever talks to him.

  • There's nothing there.

  • Nothing there works.

  • That's just a couple of hot plates

  • and a toaster over there.

  • It looks like it's something.

  • I promised that I was going to change it.

  • Because it's silly that we have a DJ booth and you're not a DJ.

  • I'm not a DJ, right.

  • So it's under construction, as you can see.

  • I'll reveal the new setup tomorrow.

  • Oh, OK.

  • Yeah, I don't want to spoil anything.

  • But I hope you like to make Subway sandwiches.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • All right, well, we have some new equipment here.

  • You might notice, we have the Starbucks box up there.

  • We didn't ask for it.

  • What happened is we accidentally left the doors open.

  • And next morning, there was a Starbucks setup in there.

  • That's how they do it.

  • Actually, it's here because the Skybox is being

  • sponsored by Starbucks Rewards.

  • And you can sign up for the Starbucks Rewards

  • program on the Starbucks app and start earning rewards

  • right away.

  • I've been challenging everyone to go to Starbucks,

  • and buy coffee for a stranger in line,

  • and upload a picture of you doing

  • something nice to somebody, and post it to Ellentube.

  • It's been great to see so many people paying it forward.

  • Here's a little bit of what my viewers have done so far.

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • So today, we're going to be doing the Ellen DeGeneres

  • Challenge.

  • And let's see how it goes.

  • So I'm going to be paying for your order.

  • Oh!

  • Here you go!

  • So actually, your next order is on me.

  • So it's actually Ellen's birthday.

  • So we want to--

  • Happy birthday, Ellen!

  • Let's go!

  • Happy birthday, Ellen!

  • From Montecito!

  • That's really sweet.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • I need to go see them.

  • There's still time to submit your video.

  • Make sure you're creative.

  • Because I'm going to pick the best ones

  • to sit in the Skybox for my birthday show.

  • Let's talk about what's going on in the news.

  • One of the big stories recently was about Elizabeth Warren

  • and Bernie Sanders.

  • They were arguing about something

  • after the last debate.

  • And they seemed pretty upset.

  • And the audio now has been released.

  • So you can see what they were talking about.

  • This was the moment millions watched, Elizabeth Warren

  • refusing to shake Bernie Sanders' hand

  • after the Democratic debate.

  • And tonight, we're finally hearing that tense exchange.

  • I don't think Hannah Ann stole the champagne!

  • What?

  • Hannah didn't know it was Kelsey's!

  • You know, you don't know what you're talking about.

  • I've been watching The Bachelor since season one!

  • Hannah's a thief, I tell you!

  • I love the bachelor, too.

  • Nobody cares, Tom.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Arguing over The Bachelor.

  • All right, we have a little time before we go to break.

  • So I thought we could do one of my favorite segments.

  • It's time for Believe It or Not.

  • [MUSIC - THE LOVIN' SPOONFUL, "DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC"]

  • (SINGING) Do you believe in magic in a young girl's heart,

  • how the music can free her whenever it starts?

  • It's magic.

  • All right.

  • This is a fun segment for me, anyway.

  • This is my producer, Joel.

  • And he is going to tell me something amazing he can do.

  • And then tWitch and I are going to have

  • to decide whether he can do it or not, if we believe it

  • or not.

  • Joel, what is it?

  • Well, believe it or not, I can fall asleep in 25 seconds.

  • You can fall asleep--

  • how will we know you're asleep?

  • I just snore.

  • Eyes are closed.

  • Don't need to prove it.

  • All right, what do you think, tWitch?

  • Can he fall asleep in 25 seconds?

  • I don't know if I believe that.

  • That's a really fast time to fall asleep.

  • I know.

  • The only thing is, every single time he's done anything

  • like this, he does it.

  • So I'm going to say I believe it.

  • OK.

  • Thanks.

  • All right, Joel, he doesn't believe it.

  • I believe it.

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • Didn't work.

  • That did not work.

  • It was really loud, and all these people.

  • Have a good show, Ellen.

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Well, you were right.

  • He couldn't do it.

  • There were just two sheep that he counted, right?

  • Was that two or three?

  • All right, that's how you play Believe It or Not--

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • Oh, God!

  • Wow, spent a lot on that one.

  • We'll be back.

Thanks for being here.