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  • I have a question for you, tWitch.

  • Do you have like home repairs that you and Allison

  • have done in the past time that we've been quarantined?

  • You know what?

  • In these past couple of days, actually, Allison

  • has gone like ham on organization.

  • Like, yo, the Container Store?

  • You're welcome, because we hit y'all up crazy.

  • And things are just a lot more organized right now.

  • It's kind of amazing.

  • But home repairs, like no.

  • You don't want me with no hammer or screwdriver.

  • Not me.

  • No?

  • No?

  • No.

  • Andy, what about you?

  • Have you broken anything at your house

  • that your wife wanted you to fix?

  • You know, I've broken a lot of things

  • and I've tried to build a lot of things.

  • And now, we're at the point in the marriage

  • where my wife begs me to not try and fix it or not try and do

  • it myself.

  • Yeah.

  • And hire someone.

  • Yeah.

  • Because she thinks I make things worse.

  • Yeah.

  • But see, now you can't hire anybody.

  • I know.

  • That's the problem.

  • Yeah.

  • I ordered a bookcase and it's been laying around for months

  • that I was actually going to hire someone to do,

  • but I would like you to do it because you've

  • got nothing else to do.

  • I put it out there.

  • Do you see the box?

  • In the house?

  • No, it's outside.

  • I put the box out there.

  • I see it now.

  • Yeah.

  • You didn't see that earlier?

  • No.

  • Well, they start the show and then somebody does this to me.

  • Yeah.

  • That's Portia.

  • So you are going to be my average Andy Handy Man.

  • Get it?

  • My Andy Man.

  • Handy.

  • Average Andy Handy Man.

  • Andy Man.

  • OK.

  • The directions should be there, unless the coyotes got to them.

  • Have you put together a bookcase before?

  • Maybe, no.

  • OK.

  • This is not.

  • Open it up.

  • Grab your nuts and your bolts and screw them in real tight.

  • All right?

  • You know the difference between the nuts and the bolts, right?

  • Yes, I do, Ellen.

  • OK.

  • Get to work.

  • I need that bookcase to set my LEGOs on.

  • While Andy gets busy back there, I

  • want to talk about something I've noticed recently.

  • Some people are finding interesting ways

  • to protect themselves.

  • And when they go out in public, they

  • call it social distancing fashion.

  • I'll show you what I'm talking about here.

  • This is what one person wore to a grocery store.

  • Take a look at this, tWitch.

  • All right.

  • They were looking for bread, milk,

  • and a sunken treasure is what they were looking for.

  • Here is a-- boy, you're breathing

  • heavy just opening the box.

  • I mean, I'm telling you, this is not a one person job.

  • Oh.

  • It said it is.

  • Here's another person.

  • This is what they wore to protect themselves.

  • Yep, got to the cashier.

  • And the cashier said, pony up.

  • [HORN HONKING] Uh-oh.

  • [DRUMS THUDDING] That's what I wanted.

  • I've been home too long.

  • Andy, you know what a unicorn is?

  • Yeah.

  • It's a--

  • It's with the thing that--

  • Yeah.

  • It's a horny horse.

  • All right.

  • Here's another winner.

  • You can't talk to me now.

  • I got to focus.

  • There's a guy.

  • Can you imagine sitting behind him in a movie?

  • Ah, remember when we could go to the movies?

  • Here's another one.

  • Look at that.

  • tWitch, it's like he was in a big plastic bubble

  • and then it popped or something.

  • That's what that person wore out to protect themselves.

  • And here's the last one.

  • That's called a maski pad.

  • Nobody steal that.

  • That's mine.

  • I'm going to trademark it.

  • Maski pad.

  • See, that's why it's important to stay inside.

  • You don't want to see anything like that.

  • That mask is strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

  • If you see someone who's got good social distancing fashion,

  • please send it to me.

  • Andy.

  • Yeah.

  • How's it going?

  • I'm just getting a sense of what I have here for me.

  • Do you want Mop Mary to help you?

  • Mop Mary is here.

  • Send out Mop Mary.

  • All right.

  • Hang on.

  • Don't talk now.

  • I've got to--

  • Don't worry if you can't do it.

  • Only millions and millions of people will see you not do it.

I have a question for you, tWitch.

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A2 TheEllenShow wore handy hire cashier allison

Average Andy Becomes Ellen’s Handyman

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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