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  • Have a seat, everybody.

  • Sit down.

  • People looking for seats again.

  • People shift.

  • Everyone moves over when they clap.

  • The wind of the clapping moves them.

  • One day I'm going to remove a chair

  • and watch you fight for that last chair.

  • Will be stressful for you, but fun for me to watch.

  • Speaking of stressful, let me tell you

  • something that happened to me last night.

  • I was having a fly problem.

  • Not like a fly on my pants on a zipper.

  • The buzzing around kind of fly that--

  • and she was buzzing around all night long.

  • I was trying to sleep.

  • By the way you see I did that?

  • It's she.

  • Yeah.

  • I made my housefly a she.

  • I'm very progressive like that.

  • The future is female and so is the housefly.

  • Now I've said this before, but I don't know why-- we named them

  • house flies.

  • And maybe if we'd named them outdoor

  • flies they would know where they're supposed to be.

  • But they feel entitled to be in because we gave them that name.

  • I don't know why they want to be in our house so bad.

  • It really is ridiculous.

  • It's me and Portia and our seven animals

  • and an open jar of honey and a compost pile of banana peels.

  • And that-- and for some reason they want to be in the house.

  • Anyway, I wanted to get this fly out of the house

  • because it was in the house.

  • And I didn't want to hurt it, though.

  • So I said Portia, kill the fly.

  • And she didn't want to hurt it either.

  • And long story short, we live with a fly now.

  • It's a rescue fly.

  • So we tried to shoo it out, and that never works.

  • They buzz around, they stay at the window,

  • and then when you go to open the window,

  • they go the other direction to see the rest of the house.

  • Like I haven't seen the bathroom yet.

  • Like you know.

  • And as soon as you're trying to get that one out,

  • two others came in, and then you started thinking,

  • you know who I wish is here now?

  • Is that spider I killed last week.

  • That did know what to do.

  • The cats sometimes would kill something,

  • but our cats are lazy.

  • And they know they're rich they're just sitting around.

  • Normally when there's a fly in the house what I do

  • is I sell the house, and I just sell it and buy a new one,

  • and I get the money from the new owner

  • and then I run around away going, see ya, suckers.

  • There's a fly in the house.

  • But I like this house, so I'm not-- this is my forever house.

  • And I call it that something to keep it for four more weeks.

  • And fortunately all of you, there's no flies in here

  • at all.

  • There's toxic mold that keeps them away.

Have a seat, everybody.

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A2 TheEllenShow fly stressful buzzing portia chair

Ellen's Stressful Fly Problem

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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