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  • Oh, are you having a good new year?

  • It's a brand new year.

  • [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

  • Brand new decade.

  • Not just a new year, a whole decade.

  • And you know what that means?

  • It's time to replace the Glade Plug-ins in our riff-raff room.

  • Every decade, we do it.

  • I can't believe it's 2020.

  • It sounds like the future, but it does not

  • feel like the future.

  • 2020.

  • I mean, you hear that, we're supposed to be

  • in flying cars and jet packs.

  • And we don't have any of those.

  • Oprah does, but she--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • --never lets me borrow them.

  • She just flies around the neighborhood looking down

  • on me.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Maybe it's too soon for flying cars.

  • Because people in LA, I think, should

  • learn to start using their left and right turn signals

  • before we go up and down.

  • [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

  • Behind somebody in a jet pack, and their signal's

  • been going down the whole time, and you're

  • thinking they're going down.

  • And they're going up, or they're not going anywhere.

  • We have plenty of things to fix here

  • before we start worrying about flying

  • cars, little tiny things, but we have to fix them.

  • Like when you're leaving a parking lot,

  • I don't know why it's so hard to use those automatic ticket

  • taker things.

  • No matter what direction you put the ticket in, it's wrong.

  • You think you have the dark line on that side,

  • does that mean it's up, down.

  • You try one side, and then you rotate it 90 degrees.

  • Then you put your thing down, you flip it and you reverse it.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • And all the machines are just far enough away

  • that you can't reach it.

  • And you undo your seat belt so that you

  • think that's going to give you more room.

  • It's not.

  • It moves with you, but you're just

  • [GRUNTS] And you just had 6,000 calories at Cheesecake Factory

  • so you're so full you can't stretch anyway.

  • Then scientists came up with a wonderful idea.

  • They hired a ticket taker helper.

  • You've seen this person.

  • He stands there.

  • Here's the ticket machine.

  • Here's you.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • He takes it.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • People are worried that machines are taking people's jobs.

  • But it turns out people and machines can work together.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Luckily I figured out a solution.

  • What I did is I lowered my car.

  • It goes right under the--

  • hello, free parking.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • What is that thing called that it goes under?

  • Arm.

  • The arm.

  • That's right.

  • Seeing if you're listening.

  • [LAUGHTER]

Oh, are you having a good new year?

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A2 TheEllenShow laughter ticket parking taker decade

Ellen’s Simple Parking Lot Hack

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
Video vocabulary