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  • Boomstick: You know what I hate more than stupid tween pop stars? Absolutely goddamn nothing!

  • Wiz: Like Justin Bieber, the young pop sensation, and Rebecca Black, the girl who took YouTube by storm.

  • Boomstick: I hate 'em even more than my blood-sucking ex-wife!

  • Wiz: I'm Wizard and he's Boomstick, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

  • Wiz: In 2007, Justin Bieber was discovered by marketing executive Scooter Braun by complete accident.

  • Under the tutelage of his mentor, Usher Raymond, IV,

  • Bieber spent a year training before becoming the biggest teen hit since Hannah Montana.

  • Boomstick: Why?! Why is he so popular?!?

  • Wiz: His single titled "Baby" is the most viewed video on YouTube with nearly 600,000,000 hits.

  • Boomstick: I mean, it's just a kid singing auto-tuned songs, saying "Girl" and "Baby" over and over again!

  • Wiz: His premature fame has prompted a vast line of merchandise, ranging from lunch boxes, squiggly straws

  • , T-Shirts and a perfume line that is shaped like...

  • Boomstick: ...a vagina.

  • Wiz: ...Right. But that's not the strangest of his products. A lock of his hair once sold for $40,000.

  • Boomstick: What!? No! G-Goddamnit! That is the biggest waste of money I've ever heard of!

  • Wiz: True, unless they're planning to clone him.

  • Boomstick: No, that's even worse! Why would anyone want more than one

  • of this musical abomination roaming this planet!?

  • Wiz: Anyway, the hair toured the world collecting bids with its own bodyguard to protect it from crazy fangirls.

  • Boomstick: Oh yes! Heaven forbid someone assassinate the lock of precious hair!

  • Wiz: And speaking of his fans, they really are crazy. The most passionate call themselves "Beliebers".

  • Boomstick: ...You're kidding.

  • Wiz: They have even been known to trample and injure others in rabid zerg rushes.

  • Boomstick: That's it! I'm done, Wiz! I... I can't go on in this world when this... this is what is popular!

  • Wiz: Also, several of these "Beliebers" are so crazy, sometimes they even try to hurt Bieber

  • In one concert, a fan hurled a water bottle at Bieber, traumatizing him for life and inflicting a fear of thrown objects.

  • To capitalize on this, another audience started chucking so much crap, he refused to perform.

  • Once, he even got into a fistfight with an older man who attacked him, and he threatens paparazzi in his spare time.

  • He will not hesitate to use force on even his most loyal fans.

  • Boomstick: Well, I guess that gives him one good redeeming quality at least.

  • Wiz: Yet despite all the crap he gets, he still gets on stage to give a show.

  • Boomstick: A horrible, horrible life-scarring show.

  • *Gunshots*

  • Wiz: Feel better?

  • Boomstick: (chuckles) Yep.

  • Wiz: Rebecca Black's mother paid $4,000 to have Ark Music Factory create a music video starring her daughter.

  • The single, "Friday", received more than 160,000,000 views in mere months, making Rebecca a viral star

  • for what is considered the worst song ever made.

  • Boomstick: For $4,000, I can come up with a better song than that crap!

  • Wiz: Though Black is an early riser, she seems to have an extreme case of ADHD.

  • She cannot focus on one thing for very long. While waiting for the bus to go to School,

  • she completely forgot what she was doing and wound up going to a party with her friends

  • seeing them drive by, skipping class in the process.

  • Boomstick: Whoa, that kid looks way too young to be driving!

  • wiz: She is also incredibly indecisive. She can't even figure out where to sit.

  • Boomstick: But when she finally makes up her mind, she makes the worst possible choice.

  • Wiz: Instead of sitting in the car like a normal person, she stands in the back seat, even while, quote-unquote,

  • "cruising down the highway". Keep in mind, the average speed limit of a highway in the Unites States is 60mph.

  • Boomstick: This chick is crazy!

  • Wiz: Recently, she was betrayed by her own mentor, AKA Fat Usher, when he tried charging viewers to watch

  • the "Friday" video. In response, Black claimed copyright and took the video down.

  • Boomstick: Yeah, good use of $4,000 there.

  • Wiz: She also enjoys a big bowl of cereal every morning and was nominated for MTV's favorite animated GIF award.

  • Boomstick: If that's a real award, I need my own Boomstick GIF, stat!

  • Wiz: But the worst is yet to come. Rebecca Black is a "Belieber".

  • Boomstick: ...What?

  • Wiz: Justin Bieber is her idol.

  • Boomstick: Ahh, goddamnit!

  • Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.

  • Boomstick: Oh, by the way, to make things a little more... uh, Interesting, I've scattered random weapons all over the arena.

  • Wiz: ...What?-

  • Boomstick: Quiet Wiz it's time for the ad.

  • Boomstick: Gamefly's the biggest online game rental service with over 7,000 games.

  • Boomstick: You can rent up to four games at a time for only... Uh, how much wiz?

  • Wiz: 15.95 a month.

  • Boomstick: That's like nothing! And there's no late fees or due dates and shipping is always free!

  • Wiz: Plus if you like a game you can keep it at a heavly discounted price.

  • Wiz: Help support the death battle show by starting a 15 day free trail at gamefly.com/deathbattle.

  • Boomstick: But first... it's time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!!

  • Anouncer: And now ladies and gentlemen Miley Cyrus!

  • M-M-M-MONSTER K.O.!

  • Boomstick: We just set a Death Battle record!

  • Wiz: Not only did Bieber and Black take each other out, but also Miley Cyrus,

  • the Jonas Brothers and some poor 13 year old driver. While Bieber's famed fear of thrown objects kept him at a distance,

  • Black's indecisiveness and daredevil recklessness ruined any chance she had.

  • Boomstick: I dunno, Wiz. At least Rebecca turned him into roadkill before giving the wall a face high-five.

  • Wiz: A face high... what? Black did a horrific job!

  • Boomstick: Well, let's let the audience decide on who sucked the most.

  • Wiz: Leave a comment detailing who you think was the most pathetic.

  • Boomstick: This fight really popped! Y-You know, 'cause... they're pop stars and... they blew up...

  • Wiz: This battle is a draw.

  • Boomstick: Next time ooooon Death Battle.

Boomstick: You know what I hate more than stupid tween pop stars? Absolutely goddamn nothing!

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B2 bieber rebecca black justin bieber death battle battle

DEATH BATTLE! - Justin Bieber VS Rebecca Black | DEATH BATTLE!

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/02
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