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  • Hello and good day.

  • All you lovely people.

  • Before we start the show today, I want to tell you about one of the best ways to get awesome gear collectibles.

  • Hell, even house.

  • Where from your favorite pop culture franchises.

  • You guessed it.

  • I'm talking about Luke.

  • Great.

  • It offers so many cool geek and gamer items for less than $20 a month.

  • But if you want even more from your great, you can get a bigger box with even more loot.

  • But wait, wait, wait.

  • What if you're more of a close than collectibles kind of person?

  • Well, they got you covered there with Luke, where a monthly box full of awesome wearables loot Crate steam for October is horror.

  • We're talking the walking dead nightmare on Elm Street.

  • And, of course, Halloween.

  • You have until October 19th at 9 p.m. To sign up for your very own spa.

  • You look great.

  • Make sure it ahead to www dot luke rate dot com slash desk and Interco desk to get an even better deal on any new subscription.

  • Now, on with the show you guys might remember a little while ago I told you about some crazy Pokemon.

  • Well, guess what?

  • There are still plenty more after Pokemon out there.

  • I'm Jocelyn, the intern.

  • I do all the research nobody else wants to.

  • Straight from the desk of death battle.

  • Start with ya.

  • Mask.

  • This little ghost Pokemon carries a mask around.

  • Why you ask?

  • Well, let's just check out our handy dandy poke index.

  • All right, Um, ask ghost type.

  • Each of them carries a mask that used to be its face when it was human.

  • Sometimes they look at it and cry.

  • Yeah, that is some dark shit right there.

  • If that wasn't sad enough, any humans who tried aware a young masks masks become possessed.

  • But to top it all off, Young Ask also retains some memories of its life as a human, which means it's fully aware of its situation.

  • If you're wondering what horrible act a person has to commit to deserve this heinous fate, guess what be buried?

  • No, like that's that's all.

  • The only thing the pokey next says is that it sometimes happens to people who were buried a long time ago.

  • So in the Pokemon world, not only is life unfair Ah, the after life is pretty damn unfair to need.

  • Another example of how unfair it could be.

  • Well, look no further than our leathery little friend Que bone.

  • At first glance, Cuba looks pretty normal by Pokemon standards.

  • Hell, even a little cute.

  • Yeah, years so cute.

  • But then you start reading.

  • You see, Cubans head isn't covered by some sort of exo skeleton.

  • Oh!

  • Oh, no, no, no.

  • That is It's dead, Mom.

  • Skull No, seriously, every Cuban, where's the skull of its dead mother on its own head.

  • To make matters worse, Cubans know they're wearing a dead mom hat.

  • Nearly every single poke index entry mentions how Cuban often cry due to the loss of their mother.

  • Even stating that the stains commonly found on their skulls are from tears.

  • Wow, that is Ah, that is really goddamn depressing.

  • However, all of this has me wondering how in the hell are Cubans still even around it?

  • Just hear me out.

  • If every Cuban where's the skull of its dead mother?

  • That means each female Cuban can Onley have one Cuban child.

  • Now, according to top Pokemon scientists, Cuban gender birth rates are about 50% male and 50% female.

  • That means that Even if 100% of female Cubans have a Cuban child, inherently, every generation of Cubans would be cut in half.

  • Seriously, Cubans are the least Darwin friendly species I have ever heard about.

  • But then again, it is a video game.

  • So there's that last but not least on our list today is cough egregious?

  • Uh, this guy just eats people just straight up.

  • No, my mom about Then it turns the lifeless body of whatever poor bastard eight into a money.

  • The amount of Pokemon that will straight up kill people is staggering.

  • And let's not forget the fact that its body is primarily made of gold, not very strange on its own, but couple that with the fact that it also eats gold.

  • And we have some sort of cannibalistic Omnivore of a Pokemon.

  • Speaking of eating, drowsy is diet consists of dreams.

  • Yeah, dreams.

  • It said that if you feel your nose, it's while sleeping that it's a sign that drowsy is munching on your dreams.

  • I shit you not that grimy little bastard.

  • Drowsy eats, um, straight out of your nose on.

  • That is just one more reason why I suggest you never visit the Pokemon universe in real life.

  • Well, people, that's all for today.

  • But don't forget to check out some of these other awesome videos or if you haven't seen it, go check out my previous episode on why the Pokemon universe is possibly ah, layer of hell CIA soon.

Hello and good day.

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Pokémon Nightmare Fuel | The Desk of DEATH BATTLE!

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/02
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