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B: This episode of DEATH BATTLE is brought to you by GoDaddy
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*DEATH BATTLE theme*
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W: Superheroines. Millions have been drawn to these modern myths of comic book law.
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B: Or you could, ah, just be drawn to the way they're drawn.
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W: Like Anna Marie, the Rogue...
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B: ...and Diana Prince the Wonder Woman.
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W: He's Boomstick and I'm Wizard.
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B: And we're here to watch two chicks duke it out! CAT FIGHT!
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W: It's our job to analyse their weapons, armor and skills...
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B: ...and maybe a few other things...
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W: To find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!
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W: Rogue has possessed a variety of different powers over the years.
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For this duel in particular, we will use the most well-known version...
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The original iteration from the comics and television show.
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Her deadliest weapon is her own skin. With just a touch she absorbs a person's memories, talents, personalities and abilities.
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Whether superhuman or not to use them herself.
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B: Too bad it knocks 'em out cold!
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And if she holds on long enough, it's game over!
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W: Tenacious foes like Juggernaut can resist it, bit in the end, nobody is safe from Rogue's parasitic touch.
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For every second of contact, Rogue can keep these powers for a full minute.
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Though, sometimes there's unforeseen side effects.
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B: She held onto Miss Marvel for so long, she absorbed her powers permanently.
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Now she's got super strength, speed and near invulnerability
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Not that I blame her though. I'd be holding on to Miss Marvel for as long as I could.
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Of course, then when she's unconscious, I could-
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W: She also gained a seventh sense, the ability to subconsciously predict your opponent's moves.
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B: but her 7th sense doesn't seem to always work. That or the riders just forgot about it 'cause, ah, Rogue gets her ass kicked a lot.
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W: For plot convenience.
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B: And damn, she's got a hot ass!
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W: What?
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B: Hey, that counts as a super-power my book, Wiz.
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But while she's not invincible, she doesn't have any real weaknesses either.
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She's a classy southern Belle who I'd like to take out to dinner.
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W: Who can fly, lift buildings and kill people just by touching them.
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B: Never mind!
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"Ain't that enough?"
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W: To the uneducated nerd, Wonder Woman may seem a cheap clone of Superman...
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B: With super boobies!
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W: But in reality, she's a whole different story!
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W: Created from Earth, born by Gods, trained by ancient warriors...
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B: Maker of Wonder Bread, designer of the Wonderbra!
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W: Boomstick, that's not true!
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B: See, I can do it too, Wiz!
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W: Wonder Woman is the incredibly powerful and near invincible ambassador of Amascura and self-appointed protector of the Earth.
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B: And she dresses like a stripper! A patriotic stripper!
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W: Diana Prince has been trained by the Amazons as a master combatant since childhood.
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She dueled the best of the best for the right to be crowned Wonder Woman.
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Her unearthly powers are divine, granted by ancient Greek gods and goddesses.
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From Demeter, she received superhuman strength and durability.
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B: And you know that bitch mailman God with the wingy shoes?
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W: Hermes?
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B: Whatever.
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He gave Wonder Woman the ability to fly and move at hypersonic speed.
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She was given numerous other powers from enhanced senses, animal rapport and blessings of wisdom and empathy.
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B: aside from the obvious cannons rested right below her neck, she's got a pretty bizarre mix of weaponry.
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B: Her Lasso of Truth is a piece of unbreakable string that, well, makes you tell the truth.
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"What other depraved thoughts must you be thinking?"
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"God, your daughter's got a nice rack."
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B: Hell yeah, she does!
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W: She uses her tiara as a long-range throwing weapon using its razor sharp edge to slice open her enemy's throat.
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B: Wonder Babe here wears the bracelets of submission, indestructible steel gauntlets forged from the remains of Zeus' legendary Aegis.
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These babies can block all sorts of attacks.
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W: She has persevered through out the years, fighting a huge variety of foes, even killing the Greek god of war, Ares.
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B: Hear that, Kratos? A chick beat you to it!
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"Let's see you smile now!"
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W: All right, the combatants are set! Let's end this debate once and for all!
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B: Now it's time for a CATFIGHT DEATH BATTLE!
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"Good night, sugar!"
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KO!
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B: Woohoohoo! This goes down in history as the best Death Battle ever!
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W: Poor Wonder Woman was more than a match for Rogue, but then she touched rogue's face.
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Wonder Woman is a trained fighter so naturally she would strike her opponent's weakest spots, like the neck, stomach, joints and, well, face.
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W: In the end, her failure was a result of her thorough Amazonian training.
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B: And her stripper outfit!
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Her leg was just begging to be grabbed there! Though personally, ah, I'm might have grabbed elsewhere.
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W: Wonder Woman's powers may be godly, but Rogue's taken similar powers before so there's no reason to say she couldn't here.
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Adding Wonder Woman's strength and speed to Rogue's own power gave her a huge advantage drastically turning the tide.
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B: A few high-flying combos and our favourite X-girl had wonder woman on the ropes.
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W: And with her combined reflexes, speed and 7th sense, she outmanoeuvred Wonder Woman with one fatal kiss.
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B: Rogue sure made out in this fight!
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W: The winner is Rogue.
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B: Next time on DEATH BATTLE...
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FIGHT!
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W: Who do YOU want to see in a DEATH BATTLE? Leave a comment below.