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  • Chad: Before we get to the video, just want to let you guys know, we're having a huge clearance sale on the website! Just head on over here.

  • 50% off on everything you could think of: Hats, shirts, drinkware-

  • You name it! So click the link in the description and head over there and check it out.

  • (Cue: Invader- Jim Johnston)

  • Wizard: Hundreds of years ago, the samurai and the ninja battled across Japan...

  • And these 2 fascinating ways of combat have been at odds ever since.

  • Boomstick: The Shredder, the sharp and shiny Archvillan of the Ninja Turtles...

  • W: And the Silver Samurai, the mutant swordsman who can slice through anything...

  • B: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

  • W: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!

  • W: Beneath the streets of New York City, a secret battle wages between...

  • four humanoid Turtles and a ninja covered in blades known as The Shredder-

  • B: A kitchen utensil?

  • W: Many legends surround the Shredder's origins. Some say he's the reincarnation of an ancient Japanese warrior,

  • Some say he's an alien disguised as a man,

  • And some say he's an bumbling idiot who sounds like Uncle Phil!

  • Shredder: "But I don't want to conquer this place... I want to conquer EARTH!!"

  • B: Either way, every legend agrees on one thing... he's an absolute badass!

  • W: But before he was called the Shredder, he was Oroku Saki, a member of the Japanese ninja Foot Clan.

  • He trained alongside his rival: Hamato Yoshi.

  • B: They weren't just rivals in martial arts but in the search for love as well.

  • They both pined for the lovely lady Tang Shen, but unfortunately for our future Shredder... she only had eyes for Yoshi.

  • Hamato Yoshi; not the dinosaur, that would be weird.

  • W: Jealous, Oroku Saki attacked Yoshi, but in his rage...

  • ...accidentally struck down Tang Shen.

  • B: Leaving Yoshi and his beloved for dead, Saki took over the Foot Clan and began a worldwide crime spree under his new name...

  • Shredder: "Now you face...

  • the Shredder!"

  • B: You know, I wonder, di- did he mean to name himself after a cheese grater?

  • Speaking of which, if his armor didn't make it obvious enough, Shredder's got a weird spike fetish.

  • This guy's got 'em all over his legs, arms, shoulders... even his head!

  • W: That headpiece, the Kuro Kabuto, is a relic passed down through the Foot Clan for over 1,500 years.

  • Forged from the totems of the clan's defeated enemies, it was formed into an alloy that's stronger than steel.

  • Plus it just looks awesome!

  • B: Obviously, his armor is also a kick-ass weapon and he can cut anyone down with the Tekko-kagi Claws on his wrists!

  • W: Which literally translates to "back of the hand hooks".

  • B: Perfect for backhanding. It doesn't cover all that much, but he needs freedom of movement because you know, he's a ninja!

  • Plus, would you want to get anywhere near a guy covered in razors?

  • Yea, I don't think so.

  • W: Ninjutsu is comprised of 18 separate disciplines and Shredder is a master of all of them.

  • This includes: stealth, espionage, pyrotechnics, horsemanship and plenty of weaponry.

  • B: Yeah! Like swords, spears, bo-staffs and throwing weapons. But it's not like he needs them anyway. He's skilled in unarmed combat too!

  • W: Now a master of his craft, the Shredder led the Foot Clan to New York City.

  • B: Where he found out that Hamato Yoshi wasn't quite as dead as he thought.

  • W: As a matter of fact, Yoshi had transformed into a rat person and was raising...

  • ...four adolescent genetically altered shinobi Terrapins, but that's another story altogether.

  • W: With his hatred reinvigorated, the Shredder swore to end his lifelong enemy once and for all.

  • B: Every time Shredder fought these Ninja Turtles, he proved why he's the leader of the Foot Clan.

  • I mean, he's strong enough to tear through steel shipping containers with his claws, chop down trees in one sword swing...

  • And throw around mutants several times his size like they're nothin'!

  • W: One such mutant, Leatherhead, weights well over 300lb!

  • B: Alright, I know that's the official weight according to some toy, but look at him!

  • Compared to the Turtles, he should weigh half a ton!

  • W: Either way the Shredder survived the Leatherhead chomping down on his midsection: the femur, the strongest bone in the human body...

  • ...breaks at a pressure of about 1,700 pounds per square inch.

  • A normal, unmutated American alligator can bite with a force of nearly 3000 psi!

  • And Leatherhead's bite is surely stronger.

  • B: Meaning Shredder should've spilt in half!

  • But nope! He was back up kicking some leather butt literally five seconds later!

  • W: The Shredder is a cunning strategist and talented warrior.

  • He's fought eight mutants in combat all at once, disarming every single one of them.

  • What's more, while intimidating an Italian mob boss and his bodyguards, he did this!

  • W: The most well-trained human eyes are capable of detecting movements occurring in 1/220th of a second...

  • ...meaning Shredder's slash could have been even faster than that.

  • B: But sometimes Shreds needs just a bit more juice to get the job done. Literally! When you see him crack open a green one...

  • ...he's not doing it to hang out with the boys!

  • W: In times of desperation, Shredder is known to resort to risking it all by consuming mutagen...

  • B: Transforming him into Super Shredder!

  • Mikey: "He must have drank all of it!"

  • Don: "It's a Super Shredder!"

  • W: While this form has given him different enhancements in different iterations,

  • It usually grants him: immense strength, inhuman durability, even teleportation and the power to shoot lightning.

  • B: You know that's probably because mutagen's not an exact science and it's bound to get random at times.

  • W: That's true, Boomstick!

  • B: I did a "science"!

  • W: Good job!

  • B: Haha!

  • Well, he's toughed out a sword shattering against his skin and even falling around a thousand feet onto a steel beam.

  • Man, you'd think this guy would never lose anything, ever!

  • But... you'd also be super wrong!

  • W: Shredder's has... his fair share of downsides.

  • This includes a weakness to garbage trucks...

  • Casey Jones: "Oops"

  • Newborn infants...

  • Shredder: "There are babies! Awwww..."

  • The power of music...

  • "I hate music!"

  • A strange fascination with eating his enemies...

  • "Tonight, I dine on turtle soup..."

  • ...and wood.

  • B: Geez, were the 90s always this stupid?

  • W: Yeaaah...

  • Thankfully, despite his failures, The Shredder keeps getting back up: faster, stronger and much more terrifying!

  • Shredder: "The true battle... starts NOW!"

  • W: In feudal Japan, a samurai wasn't your typical bodyguard.

  • He was trained in the art of war & would only serve...

  • ...the elite upper-class. Honor was the samurai's currency.

  • B: But for the Silver Samurai, Kenuichio Harada...

  • ...currency was just regular money 'cause that shit's useful!

  • W: Born into the Yashida clan, Harada was the son of a powerful yakuza crime lord.

  • Unfortunately, he could never inherit his father's empire for himself because he was born illegitimately.

  • A bastard.

  • B: Woah, wait! No need to throw insults around, Wiz.

  • W: No, the literal definition of ba.. um, move on.

  • B: Wiz's judgment aside, without a clear future, Harada decided to, well...

  • ...become a samurai, because, why not? Be pretty cool, right?

  • W: Unfortunately, the way of the samurai no longer had a place in the present.

  • Harada knew that in a world full of absurd superpowers...

  • He would need to dedicate his life to the art in a way he never seen before.

  • B: He wouldn't just be a samurai...

  • ...he'd be... a Silver Samurai!

  • W: Yep.

  • B: Well, blinged out like exhibits rims, he picked up on a few fighting styles.

  • Not too many, just Bajutsu: the art of horseback, Bujustu: military strategy, Iaijutsu: the sword-based quick-draw,

  • Tantojutsu: knife fighting, Ninjutsu: being sneaky...

  • Kyujutsu: Which is archery and well, Jujitsu and Karate do: which are both forms of unarmed combat.

  • Ah, how many more jutsus do you think he can fit in his brain?

  • I didn't even know there were that many!

  • W: At least one more...

  • Kenjutsu: the art of Japanese sword fighting.

  • After all, what's a samurai without a katana at his side?

  • B: Dead, that's what. In order to keep living, he had to get really good with swinging that sword.

  • W: Luckily for Harada, he soon learned he had one of those absurd superpowers for himself.

  • B: Yep! He's a mutant.

  • W: Now who's being insensitive?

  • Harada has the ability to generate a tachyon field.

  • With it, he can enhance his sword, allowing it to slice through almost anything...

  • B: Even ghosts!

  • W: In real life, tachyonic fields are hypothetical particles with mass which travel faster than light.

  • A definition which may explain how Harada's cutting ability works.

  • B: So, he uses his power on sharp objects?

  • Well, that's too bad for everybody in Silver Samurai's way, because he carries a lot of them!

  • He's got throwing knives and shuriken ninja stars on hand for long-range attacks.

  • And of course, he always carries that katana.

  • W: He's wielded many different swords including the legendary Muramasa blade.

  • However, he's not too picky about what kind of sword he carries.

  • B: With his power, any blade Harada carries instantly becomes one of the most dangerous swords on the planet.

  • W: Harada has one more trick up his sleeve... a teleportation ring!

  • With it, he can warp around the battlefield for unexpected strikes and it makes for a good get-away.

  • B: Though, he almost lost it once to John Belushi. You know the guy from Saturday Night Live? Jocelyn told me about it once. It was weird.

  • W: After years of hard work, Harada was truly a masterful warrior.

  • However, he still struggled to defeat one opponent: The Wolverine.

  • B: Who killed his dad and got engaged to his sister.

  • Ah, the shame combo.

  • Oh and she was next in line to rule the Yashida clan! Man, a triple!

  • W: Needless to say, a little miffed, Harada challenged his own sister for the right to run the clan.

  • And he won! After she was poisoned by an unrelated third-party.

  • B: Sometimes, life just works out Wiz.

  • W: I guess a win's a win. And that wouldn't be his last one.

  • He's incredibly deadly in battle!

  • W: He's so fast, he deflects bullets with his sword and once even sliced a speeding bullet completely in half!

  • In this instance, the gunman was standing 15 feet away when he fired the bullet at approximately...

  • ...1,400 feet per second. This means that Silver Samurai was able to reach for his sword and...

  • ...accurately cleave the bullet in two in just over one hundredths of a second!

  • B: Even if he didn't chop it in half, his armor is totally bulletproof.

  • Shoot, it even let him survive a friggin' building fall on top of him!

  • But without his armor, he's survived taking a sword straight through the lung and getting run over by a car from... The fu**in' Jetsons?!

  • W: He's no slouch on the battlefield either!

  • He's knocked Spider Man unconscious, shaken off hits from Cannonball, and even defeated Spider Woman in combat.

  • At one point, he was dog-piled by Daredevil, She-Devil along with a cheetah and a panther together, likely weighing over 600 pounds in total.

  • And he threw them all off in one big push!

  • B: And he's always fighting with his no.1 rival, Wolverine!

  • W: Speaking of which, while some may boast that Harada is the greatest swordsman in the world...

  • ...Wolverine's frequently proven to be his better.

  • B: Yeah, he may be good with his blade...

  • ...but his battle strategy isn't quite as sharp. Also his bulletproof armor doesn't cover everything... as seen here.

  • W: Well, even that was merciful compared to what happened when he went up against the four Black Samurai!

  • Although Harada defeated them all against impossible odds...

  • ...he ultimately succumbed to his wounds.

  • B: And when he arrived in Hell, Harada met the Devil who promptly killed him again...

  • ..by cutting off his head and smashing his corpse into mush with a sword the size of a school bus!

  • Damn!

  • Never let it be said the Silver Samurai isn't hardcore!

  • Wolverine: "Last chance, Harada... yield!"

  • Harada: "The Silver Samurai... yields to no man!"

  • W: Alright, the combatants are set!

  • Let's end this debate, once and for all!

  • B: But first, all this talk of slicing & dicing is getting me thinkin'...

  • ...about a Blue Apron meal!

  • Grandpappy Boomstick always said that "nothing in life is better than good food and making something with your own two hands."

  • And Blue Apron is both those things combined!

  • W: Blue Apron is the number one fresh ingredient and recipe delivery service in the country!

  • All ingredients arrive right to your door guaranteed fresh and ready to cook.

  • B: It's better than eating fast food plus it's affordable! blue apron is less than $10 per person per meal.

  • W: Choose from a variety of recipes and get the meals that sound good to you!

  • The ingredients are perfectly proportioned and the instructions are easy to follow. I mean even Boomstick can do it!

  • B: Hey! Watch it, or you're not getting any of the next meal I make when it arrives!

  • Like the Miso butter salmon and lo mein noodles with cucumber and charm tomatoes.

  • W: And if you're worried about variety, don't bother. Recipes are not repeated within the year so you'll never get bored.

  • Check out this week's menu and get your first three meals, free with free shipping by going to blueapron.com/battle.

  • B: You'll love how good it feels and taste to create incredible home-cooked meals with Blue Apron so don't wait!

  • W: That's blueapron.com/battle.

  • B: Blue Apron. A better way to cook.

  • But right now...

  • It's time for a Death BATTLEEEEEEEEEEEEE......

  • (laughing)

  • Shredder: "You are no match for the Shredder!"

  • FIGHT!!!

  • (Shredder laughs)

  • Super Shredder: "DIE!"

  • Super Shredder "PLAYTIME IS OVER!"

  • K.O!!!

  • B: You know, I bet Shredder would go far if he took up darts.

  • W: Both Shredder and Silver Samurai were incredibly tough, capable of withstanding tremendous amounts of pain.

  • Harada's armor may have been tougher...

  • ...but it had plenty of exposed weak points which a fighter as precise as Shredder could exploit.

  • B: Silver Samurai could throw around 600 pounds of people and cats which is technically stronger than anything Shredder's done!

  • But Shred-Head's handled equally mighty mutants plenty of times, like Leatherhead.

  • W: While the Silver Samurai's teleportation ring did make him harder to track, he's always preferred to use it as a means of escaping a battle...

  • Not really engaging in one. Even when he did use it during combat, his moves were often predicted by more experienced opponents.

  • Wolverine: "This guy likes to come at me from behind."

  • "Just tryin' out one of your tricks, tin man!"

  • W: Given Shredder's talents & history, it's reasonable to believe he could do the same.

  • B: Still, with Harada's tachyon blade and Shredder's ninja precision...

  • ...they only needed to land one fatal hit to finish the fight. So the real question was: Who could land the killing blow first?

  • W: Silver Samurai's best speed feat - slicing an incoming bullet - clocked in at 1/100th of a second!

  • Shredder's faster-than-eyesight feat measured at 4/1000th making him over two times faster than Harada!

  • To be blunt, Shredder's fastest known attack was quicker than Harada's fastest known defense, proving that Shredder could deal a killing blow first.

  • B: Or you know, he could just turn into Super Shredder and beat the shit out of him!

  • I mean, Super Shredder can lift and throw a giant oil tanker like it's a beach ball at a rave!

  • W: That's probably heavier than 600 pounds of people & cats.

  • B: Looks like Shredder was too much for Silver to tacyhon!

  • W: The Winner is The Shredder!

  • Ben: Stick around, we're about to announce the combatants for the next Death Battle!

  • Chad: And if you want to watch an exclusive commentary on this episode, click that little box over there and start a FIRST membership trial.

  • "Not even YOU can prevent this!"

Chad: Before we get to the video, just want to let you guys know, we're having a huge clearance sale on the website! Just head on over here.