Subtitles section Play video
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Hello.
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It's time for me to share one of my most
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deepest...
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darkest...
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saddest...
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stories that I ever held inside and not told anyone in over 15 years.
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That's right...
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I broke my ass.
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[very nice music]
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It's not something I'm proud of
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and I'm only making this video
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to make sure that this happens to no one else
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I was young, I was foolish
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and this could happen to anyone.
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Do you know where your Ass is right now?
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You have to be aware at all times.
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Otherwise, you run the risk of experiencing the same pain
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I did long long long ago.
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I'm making this video because I made a promise.
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In a video a couple years ago, I said I admitted that I broke my Ass.
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I'll tell people in the future about this story
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and I finally gathered enough courage...
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I finally gathered enough strength...
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to tell my story about how I broke my Ass.
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(Subtitle by *I am HeRe *in description at bottom)
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I'd really appreciate if people...
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gave me the respect and support for doing this.
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It's not easy to talk about
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But I will do my best to stay strong throughout this video (??)
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When I was 15 in Sweden, I was an awkward, Swedish, weird, under-developed, l- little child...
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That's right everyone
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I used to be the short kid.
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You think I'm insecure about my height for no reason
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This has nothing to do with the story.
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I'm just giving context.
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I didn't like interacting with people.
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I would prefer to just sit home and play video games.
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I know, the perfect cliché of a nerdy kid.
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Nevertheless, during summer,
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we didn't have a computer at our summer place.
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I had a completely different friend group there.
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There was basically -- Internet was non-existent
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so I had no other choice but to hang out and socialize with people.
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So even though I was a weird awkward kid, two months a year I became a normal Swedish boy
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and I became a summer child
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and actually went out partying and did all the stuff you do.
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So one week during summer,
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there's a it's called sailing week, I think,
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where everyone or a lot of people rent a boat,
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they go sailing and they go from harbor to harbor.
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And...
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they get drunk and party.
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So me and my friends rented a sailing boat all together.
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Well, I think- I think I was 15 I don't know exactly how old I was.
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But me and my two closest friends,
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we rented a boat to do basically just this.
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I don't know why my parents thought this was a good idea,
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I definitely would not let my kids do (laughing) this.
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Especially in mind with what we did.
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I'm not gonna go into details...
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But I know what you're thinking, "WOW! Felix you have so many amazing talents,
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you must be really good at sailing."
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Oh yeah, I was actually a sailing instructor at one point.
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Not really.
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I mean I was the sailing instructor, but I was goddamn awful at sailing.
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I really just got the job thanks to my mom.
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Thanks, Mom.
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I remember the (cackle) during the uh...
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So it was basically me and a bunch of really young kids
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and then during the beginning of the course,
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we asked like who wants to sail with Felix and all the kids went,
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"Yeah me me me," and I'm like, "Yay, I'm finally popular with kids."
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Kids like me, this is great.
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And then at the end of the course, they asked the same question,
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"Who wants to stay with Felix today?"
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No one, complete silence. No one wanted to sail with me.
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All the kids hated me because I wasn't good at sailing and we kept capsizing
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and I kept lashing out on all the kids because they sucked at sailing
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and how is that my fault? I'm just the instructor. (laughing)
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I also won one sailing uh...
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Competition once, which wasn't really a sailing competition,
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but it's one of those things that I carried with me throughout these 15 years and go.
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Yeah, I'm good at sailing.
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I'm not good at sailing and I'm willing to admit that.
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Nevertheless,
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we went sailing me and a couple friends and it was a great time.
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We... we party.
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HA! G-
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And that was it.
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The problem is, I get really really really motion sick or seasick.
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And anyone that gets seasick,
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you know, how awful it is.
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It stays with you until you get out of the boat.
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It doesn't leave you for all this time
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and it seems impossible to get rid of
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you just want to die and it's not a good feeling.
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I didn't like the feeling.
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So I thought, "Okay, I'm gonna come prepared."
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So I bought this motion sickness tablets,
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which is supposed to help with it.
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But they came with two side effects that I was not intending for.
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Numero uno~
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It made me extremely sleepy. For some reason, we had these weird regulations in Sweden where..
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(uuuhnnngngng) with drugs...
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I guess we don't really...
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have sleeping pills like in America a lot of times when doctors do is that instead of giving your sleeping pills
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They'll say, "Hey, just take these motion sickness tablets, they do the same thing," and I didn't know about this
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So I remember one t- one of the days during the days during the sailing week. It was so stormy outside
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I remember looking outside and being like, "Oh My GOD!"
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I'm gonna die from seasickness if I go out on this so I just downed a bunch of these motion sickness tablets
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Being like, "It's not gonna happen to me."; yeah, basically just drugged myself as hard as I could
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Completely passed out. I don't know how long I was out...
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but I remember I was waking up way later in the evening being super confused.
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I didn't know where I was, I looked outside
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I thought we arrived in the new harbor realizing we didn't even leave the shore.
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Everyone was too afraid to sail that day
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So I basically just drugged myself for no reason.
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BUT Felix we want to hear how you broke your Ass.
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Well, I'm getting there. Okay?
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Papa needs some watch time.
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There's another symptom that I haven't mentioned yet, and that symptom is..
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Balensee.
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That's right, motion sickness is connected to your ear, which is connected to your balansee.
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So I would say, or at least I like to think that that's why my balance wasn't the pristine top condition...
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that it's usually in...
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I can stand on one leg probably longer than any other person alive.
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I pride myself in having extremely well-balanced... in everything
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Thanos' catchprase
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perfectly balanced as all things should be was actually invented by me
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I have amazing balance, but taking these pills...
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It knocked over my balance.
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Then, we were also on this boat drinking ObViOuSlY (don't drink and boat kids)
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as we were sailing and that knocked down a few points off my balance... (-1 balance every tick)
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[akward silence glare]
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scale as well. And I think you know where I'm going... (Laughing again)
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with this. Now sometimes when you sit down in a sailing boat, it's a little bit awkward to sit down in a sailing boat
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They're kind of weirdly shaped
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so it's not always the perfect place to place your butt...
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There's also a lot of big objects!
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A lot of hard objects!
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That you could possibly fall on, I was gonna sit down...
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Everything was fine. It was a beautiful sunny day.
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We were all drinking beer...
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alcohol free, of course ( of course ;) )
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I was gonna sit down and I remember it so vividly, I can replay the whole scenario in slow motion
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I was gonna sit down and I was gonna grab my friend while sitting down, because like I said,
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It's awkward sitting down in a sailing boat
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So I was gonna get help for my friend to sit down...
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But this son of a gun...
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moved away...
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in last second, and I remember so clearly
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just (loading dialog)
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Falling out of my grasp, my hands knowing, "OH GOD,
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whatever my Ass is gonna land on it's not gonna be beautiful!"
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And let me tell you it wasn't beautiful. I landed on a "vinsch"...
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I don't know what that's called in English
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It's basically what you're rail in the sails with
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and it's pretty much as uncomfortable as you can imagine... (oh, it's called "winch" in English, okay...)
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I screamed out in terror, in pain, in shock: "My ass!"
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"Ahh, my ass!"
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I was completely immobilized, I couldn't move...
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But most importantly, I was in deep, deep pain.
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"It really hurts to break your Ass." - Ghandi
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I wasn't sure exactly what had happened, but I knew something was wrong...
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So me and my friend,
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As(s) soon as we enter.. we came to shore, we came to harbor, we had to go to the hospital...
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We did the scan to confirm that, yes indeed, there was a crack in my Ass....
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(Quiet laughter)
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I did no longer just had one crack in my ass,
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I had two cracks in my ass and that's one crack too many to have, let me tell you.
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I remember feeling very shocked about this...
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It was a very traumatizing experience and realization and I wasn't sure what they were gonna do with me.
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How do you treat a cracked Ass? I thought, maybe they would give me some sort of a bandage
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Kind of like a diaper or something like that, and I remember asking the nurse,
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"What are you gonna do?" and she's like, "Well, we can't bandage your Ass
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can we?" and I thought, "Yeah, I guess we can't.".
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You live and you learn. (Laughter)
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So instead they just gave me a bunch of painkillers and sent me off even though I had a broken Ass.
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You know, usually when you break something... I never actually broke anything in my body,
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so I was actually kind of looking forward to it, because everyone, you know, when they're a kid...
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They break an arm, they break a leg, or whatever and everyone's like, "Oh,
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it's so sad for you," and they get all this attention,
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they get people writing on your bandage...
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No one's gonna write on my bandage (Ass bandage). I realized all I have to deal with is the pain...
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and suffering, and most of all, the humiliation. You break an arm, it's cool; you break an Ass...
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It's not cool. No one thinks that's cool. No one is proud to say, "Hey, I broke my Ass.",
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Okay? Do you think I want to be here? You think I want to tell this story? Think again!
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Now, the worst part of all...
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is that Jonas...
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Jonas, if you're watching this video, you sneaky son of a snake!
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Jonas, the guy that moved away when I was trying to...
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...sit down, while I was at the hospital with my other friend, Agus, good friend at least, that doesn't tell people.
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Jonas told...
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Everyone.
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He told everyone that I had broken my Ass...
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And everyone laughed.
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"ha ha that's so funny." I couldn't sit straight for god knows how long, I was in pain...
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I was humiliated...
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I was hurt...
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...Don't break your ass, take it from me.
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Take good care of it...
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'Cause you never know what's gonna happen to i-
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(laughter)
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That's my story, thanks for listening, don't break your Ass.
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(#ad) WHAT? you never played Tuber simulator??
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Pfffsfjhsshshshshhhhh
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You know, it's fun right, I'm not supposed to give my opinion
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But give it a try and then you can tell me if it's good or not. Not convinced yet?! Okay. I'll cut you a deal
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The game is available for free! And that's a great price!