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  • Hello.

  • It's time for me to share one of my most

  • deepest...

  • darkest...

  • saddest...

  • stories that I ever held inside and not told anyone in over 15 years.

  • That's right...

  • I broke my ass.

  • [very nice music]

  • It's not something I'm proud of

  • and I'm only making this video

  • to make sure that this happens to no one else

  • I was young, I was foolish

  • and this could happen to anyone.

  • Do you know where your Ass is right now?

  • You have to be aware at all times.

  • Otherwise, you run the risk of experiencing the same pain

  • I did long long long ago.

  • I'm making this video because I made a promise.

  • In a video a couple years ago, I said I admitted that I broke my Ass.

  • I'll tell people in the future about this story

  • and I finally gathered enough courage...

  • I finally gathered enough strength...

  • to tell my story about how I broke my Ass.

  • (Subtitle by *I am HeRe *in description at bottom)

  • I'd really appreciate if people...

  • gave me the respect and support for doing this.

  • It's not easy to talk about

  • But I will do my best to stay strong throughout this video (??)

  • When I was 15 in Sweden, I was an awkward, Swedish, weird, under-developed, l- little child...

  • That's right everyone

  • I used to be the short kid.

  • You think I'm insecure about my height for no reason

  • This has nothing to do with the story.

  • I'm just giving context.

  • I didn't like interacting with people.

  • I would prefer to just sit home and play video games.

  • I know, the perfect cliché of a nerdy kid.

  • Nevertheless, during summer,

  • we didn't have a computer at our summer place.

  • I had a completely different friend group there.

  • There was basically -- Internet was non-existent

  • so I had no other choice but to hang out and socialize with people.

  • So even though I was a weird awkward kid, two months a year I became a normal Swedish boy

  • and I became a summer child

  • and actually went out partying and did all the stuff you do.

  • So one week during summer,

  • there's a it's called sailing week, I think,

  • where everyone or a lot of people rent a boat,

  • they go sailing and they go from harbor to harbor.

  • And...

  • they get drunk and party.

  • So me and my friends rented a sailing boat all together.

  • Well, I think- I think I was 15 I don't know exactly how old I was.

  • But me and my two closest friends,

  • we rented a boat to do basically just this.

  • I don't know why my parents thought this was a good idea,

  • I definitely would not let my kids do (laughing) this.

  • Especially in mind with what we did.

  • I'm not gonna go into details...

  • But I know what you're thinking, "WOW! Felix you have so many amazing talents,

  • you must be really good at sailing."

  • Oh yeah, I was actually a sailing instructor at one point.

  • Not really.

  • I mean I was the sailing instructor, but I was goddamn awful at sailing.

  • I really just got the job thanks to my mom.

  • Thanks, Mom.

  • I remember the (cackle) during the uh...

  • So it was basically me and a bunch of really young kids

  • and then during the beginning of the course,

  • we asked like who wants to sail with Felix and all the kids went,

  • "Yeah me me me," and I'm like, "Yay, I'm finally popular with kids."

  • Kids like me, this is great.

  • And then at the end of the course, they asked the same question,

  • "Who wants to stay with Felix today?"

  • No one, complete silence. No one wanted to sail with me.

  • All the kids hated me because I wasn't good at sailing and we kept capsizing

  • and I kept lashing out on all the kids because they sucked at sailing

  • and how is that my fault? I'm just the instructor. (laughing)

  • I also won one sailing uh...

  • Competition once, which wasn't really a sailing competition,

  • but it's one of those things that I carried with me throughout these 15 years and go.

  • Yeah, I'm good at sailing.

  • I'm not good at sailing and I'm willing to admit that.

  • Nevertheless,

  • we went sailing me and a couple friends and it was a great time.

  • We... we party.

  • HA! G-

  • And that was it.

  • The problem is, I get really really really motion sick or seasick.

  • And anyone that gets seasick,

  • you know, how awful it is.

  • It stays with you until you get out of the boat.

  • It doesn't leave you for all this time

  • and it seems impossible to get rid of

  • you just want to die and it's not a good feeling.

  • I didn't like the feeling.

  • So I thought, "Okay, I'm gonna come prepared."

  • So I bought this motion sickness tablets,

  • which is supposed to help with it.

  • But they came with two side effects that I was not intending for.

  • Numero uno~

  • It made me extremely sleepy. For some reason, we had these weird regulations in Sweden where..

  • (uuuhnnngngng) with drugs...

  • I guess we don't really...

  • have sleeping pills like in America a lot of times when doctors do is that instead of giving your sleeping pills

  • They'll say, "Hey, just take these motion sickness tablets, they do the same thing," and I didn't know about this

  • So I remember one t- one of the days during the days during the sailing week. It was so stormy outside

  • I remember looking outside and being like, "Oh My GOD!"

  • I'm gonna die from seasickness if I go out on this so I just downed a bunch of these motion sickness tablets

  • Being like, "It's not gonna happen to me."; yeah, basically just drugged myself as hard as I could

  • Completely passed out. I don't know how long I was out...

  • but I remember I was waking up way later in the evening being super confused.

  • I didn't know where I was, I looked outside

  • I thought we arrived in the new harbor realizing we didn't even leave the shore.

  • Everyone was too afraid to sail that day

  • So I basically just drugged myself for no reason.

  • BUT Felix we want to hear how you broke your Ass.

  • Well, I'm getting there. Okay?

  • Papa needs some watch time.

  • There's another symptom that I haven't mentioned yet, and that symptom is..

  • Balensee.

  • That's right, motion sickness is connected to your ear, which is connected to your balansee.

  • So I would say, or at least I like to think that that's why my balance wasn't the pristine top condition...

  • that it's usually in...

  • I can stand on one leg probably longer than any other person alive.

  • I pride myself in having extremely well-balanced... in everything

  • Thanos' catchprase

  • perfectly balanced as all things should be was actually invented by me

  • I have amazing balance, but taking these pills...

  • It knocked over my balance.

  • Then, we were also on this boat drinking ObViOuSlY (don't drink and boat kids)

  • as we were sailing and that knocked down a few points off my balance... (-1 balance every tick)

  • [akward silence glare]

  • scale as well. And I think you know where I'm going... (Laughing again)

  • with this. Now sometimes when you sit down in a sailing boat, it's a little bit awkward to sit down in a sailing boat

  • They're kind of weirdly shaped

  • so it's not always the perfect place to place your butt...

  • There's also a lot of big objects!

  • A lot of hard objects!

  • That you could possibly fall on, I was gonna sit down...

  • Everything was fine. It was a beautiful sunny day.

  • We were all drinking beer...

  • alcohol free, of course ( of course ;) )

  • I was gonna sit down and I remember it so vividly, I can replay the whole scenario in slow motion

  • I was gonna sit down and I was gonna grab my friend while sitting down, because like I said,

  • It's awkward sitting down in a sailing boat

  • So I was gonna get help for my friend to sit down...

  • But this son of a gun...

  • moved away...

  • in last second, and I remember so clearly

  • just (loading dialog)

  • Falling out of my grasp, my hands knowing, "OH GOD,

  • whatever my Ass is gonna land on it's not gonna be beautiful!"

  • And let me tell you it wasn't beautiful. I landed on a "vinsch"...

  • I don't know what that's called in English

  • It's basically what you're rail in the sails with

  • and it's pretty much as uncomfortable as you can imagine... (oh, it's called "winch" in English, okay...)

  • I screamed out in terror, in pain, in shock: "My ass!"

  • "Ahh, my ass!"

  • I was completely immobilized, I couldn't move...

  • But most importantly, I was in deep, deep pain.

  • "It really hurts to break your Ass." - Ghandi

  • I wasn't sure exactly what had happened, but I knew something was wrong...

  • So me and my friend,

  • As(s) soon as we enter.. we came to shore, we came to harbor, we had to go to the hospital...

  • We did the scan to confirm that, yes indeed, there was a crack in my Ass....

  • (Quiet laughter)

  • I did no longer just had one crack in my ass,

  • I had two cracks in my ass and that's one crack too many to have, let me tell you.

  • I remember feeling very shocked about this...

  • It was a very traumatizing experience and realization and I wasn't sure what they were gonna do with me.

  • How do you treat a cracked Ass? I thought, maybe they would give me some sort of a bandage

  • Kind of like a diaper or something like that, and I remember asking the nurse,

  • "What are you gonna do?" and she's like, "Well, we can't bandage your Ass

  • can we?" and I thought, "Yeah, I guess we can't.".

  • You live and you learn. (Laughter)

  • So instead they just gave me a bunch of painkillers and sent me off even though I had a broken Ass.

  • You know, usually when you break something... I never actually broke anything in my body,

  • so I was actually kind of looking forward to it, because everyone, you know, when they're a kid...

  • They break an arm, they break a leg, or whatever and everyone's like, "Oh,

  • it's so sad for you," and they get all this attention,

  • they get people writing on your bandage...

  • No one's gonna write on my bandage (Ass bandage). I realized all I have to deal with is the pain...

  • and suffering, and most of all, the humiliation. You break an arm, it's cool; you break an Ass...

  • It's not cool. No one thinks that's cool. No one is proud to say, "Hey, I broke my Ass.",

  • Okay? Do you think I want to be here? You think I want to tell this story? Think again!

  • Now, the worst part of all...

  • is that Jonas...

  • Jonas, if you're watching this video, you sneaky son of a snake!

  • Jonas, the guy that moved away when I was trying to...

  • ...sit down, while I was at the hospital with my other friend, Agus, good friend at least, that doesn't tell people.

  • Jonas told...

  • Everyone.

  • He told everyone that I had broken my Ass...

  • And everyone laughed.

  • "ha ha that's so funny." I couldn't sit straight for god knows how long, I was in pain...

  • I was humiliated...

  • I was hurt...

  • ...Don't break your ass, take it from me.

  • Take good care of it...

  • 'Cause you never know what's gonna happen to i-

  • (laughter)

  • That's my story, thanks for listening, don't break your Ass.

  • (#ad) WHAT? you never played Tuber simulator??

  • Pfffsfjhsshshshshhhhh

  • You know, it's fun right, I'm not supposed to give my opinion

  • But give it a try and then you can tell me if it's good or not. Not convinced yet?! Okay. I'll cut you a deal

  • The game is available for free! And that's a great price!

Hello.

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A2 PewDiePie sailing ass boat bandage sit

I Broke My Ass

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/01
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