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  • *guitar music*

  • yep

  • Not interested

  • No thank you

  • Huh?

  • Oh?!

  • Oh?

  • What is this?!

  • "Five-year-old threatens to dethrone YouTube king PewDiePie?"

  • Over my god damn dead BODY!!!

  • Over my vegan BO---!!!!

  • How could this be?

  • Jefferson Graham

  • huh?

  • okay

  • oh right...

  • Jefferson Graham

  • Five-year-old threatens...

  • Pfft!

  • Maybe this kid... Got what it takes

  • Who am I?

  • The next PewDiePie?

  • Let's uh...

  • Let's check out some content

  • *Woman: Go go go go to bed! Go to bed!*

  • *Happy music*

  • *Alright then! Brush your teeth.*

  • *Ryan's going in to take a bath!*

  • He's got a tricycle I love those.

  • *Ryan: Welcome to Ryan's toys review!*

  • Fuck! I don't have an intro!

  • Shit!

  • Let's make one right now!

  • *In a cringy kid's voice: Welcome to Felix's toys review!*

  • Has it really gone to that po*voice-crack*int?

  • Making fun of five-year-olds?

  • ''Watch some of the videos and they'll remind you of the videos you make''

  • *Laughs a little*

  • That's what I wanna watch

  • I mean, why would I watch what I've made,

  • when I can just watch other people make the same shit?

  • That really...

  • *laughs*

  • That really certifies

  • Oh shit... Oh my god...

  • I just became one of those that says,

  • ''Why would you watch someone else play video games when you can play it yourself''

  • *laughs*

  • Shit...

  • ''Youtube's biggest star is a 5-year-old that makes''

  • WAIT!

  • The Verge as well?!

  • What the... fuck is happening?!

  • Are we talking about the same The Verge?

  • The Verge that will take any opportunity they can to

  • to shit on me?

  • Oh okay that's interesting...

  • ''PewDiePie and others took money from WarnerBros for positive game reviews''

  • A straight up lie that I debunked

  • Fuck you!

  • ''For the last 18 weeks and counting Ryan Toys Review''

  • ''has been the most popular channel on YouTube''

  • ''The youngest star YouTube has EVER seen''

  • Is that... Are we celebrating this?

  • Are we celebrating that.. the fact that some...

  • this mother is like

  • You think he's getting any money off this?

  • You think he's getting the toys?

  • I also really like how they link every video ever

  • in their description

  • I really appreciate that

  • ''The genre skyrocketed once kids became the hosts''

  • The kids are not the hosts

  • Okay, let's watch a video and I'll show you what I mean

  • *Woman: Yeah awesome!*

  • *Ryan: What are we gonna get?*

  • *Woman: I don't know!*

  • *Who will you hatch?*

  • See? She doesn't even let him finish

  • he was clearly about to say something there!

  • *Who will you hatch?*

  • Look at him.

  • *Woman talks*

  • No, you don't matter cuz I MATTER!!!

  • SHUT THE FUCK UP RYAN!!!

  • *Ryan: These look like they might open!*

  • *You can still hear the noises inside!*

  • *Woman: Yeah!*

  • Oh my god I think he...

  • I think he came up with that sentence himself and no-one else told him to say that

  • *You can still hear the noises inside!*

  • *Yeah!*

  • *Cringes*

  • I don't... Like...

  • I'm sure he loves it.

  • You know

  • I'm sure

  • I would love... When I was a kid

  • to open a bunch of toys

  • but at the same time it's like

  • It's... It's something off about it

  • It's kinda like seeing child stars on television

  • cause you know their parents are literally forcing them to do it

  • and it's just something sad about it

  • And I can't help getting the same vibe

  • Obviously I don't know what goes on but

  • *cringes*

  • I watch it and i'm like ''UGH!''

  • ''Increasingly, it feels like Ryan is reading from a script''

  • *laughs*

  • No

  • The script being mother saying

  • ''HEY, YOU FUCKING SEE THIS?!!''

  • ''Youtube stars are driving retail sales''

  • I can't argue with that

  • ''Subliminal advertising at its finest''

  • ''Sponsored episodes''

  • Yeah

  • It's clearly

  • They're sponsored by Walmart

  • It's 100%

  • It's so clear

  • like...

  • watch this video over there like

  • ''We got an exclusive Walmart egg!''

  • *Woman: And we even found a Walmart exclusive version too!*

  • OOO

  • Why would any kid give a shit about that?

  • Explain that to me.

  • Ok?

  • Why would any kid give a shit about Walmart edition?

  • It doesn't make any sense!

  • And then you get the Verge posting ''He took money from WarnerBros for positive game reviews even though he didn't''

  • Talk about inadequate disclosure, huh?

  • Ok well where is it here?

  • ''Ryan's success in other words translates into more money''

  • For his parents!

  • Oh, 'for a larger corporation''

  • Ok, ok alright

  • So basically, there's a legal loophole

  • That there's no way for the antics of an ordinary kid

  • To be commercialised

  • Many states have no rules around children performing

  • They have no child labor laws around performance

  • The channel isn't just Ryan playing with toys any more

  • Whether he's going to Disneyland, getting a haircut or running a fever, his parents are the ones deciding how much-

  • You see what I'm getting at here?

  • Have you ever seen a video with 11 million views and 9000 likes?

  • Please direct me to that video. Because it doesn't exist.

  • These are not real people. These are not real views.

  • There's only 1000 comments.

  • Take a video where I had 11 million views:

  • I got 22,000 comments.

  • 22,000. 1000.

  • Most viewed video has 600 million views.

  • What. The. Fuck.

  • What the ac- excuse me. What the actual fuck.

  • What the fuck.

  • That's more than half of Call Me Maybe

  • Are you saying- like everybody in the entire fucking world should know who this kid is.

  • I bet most of you who've seen this video have no fucking clue.

  • How do you get that amount of views?

  • How can the Verge

  • and USA Today

  • Fail to realise this? How can they run such a full cover like this?

  • And not mention it?

  • You know, I'm not here to criticise this family

  • I don't care. I genuinely don't care.

  • Like, do whatever you want, don't get me wrong. This is not the point.

  • The point that I want to make, which I am absolutely fucking stunned,

  • That these two big-big journalist websites, The Verge and USA Today

  • Like, where the fucking- look at this. Look at this.

  • It's a fucking feature

  • Let's see- maybe is 'bot' mentioned anywhere? No.

  • Fake views? No.

  • This whole article. Nowhere.

  • So congrats. You payed for views.

  • And that's how you get the title, "Oh! He's beating PewDiePie!"

  • And I think that's what pisses me off so much because people want to fucking tear me down all the fucking time

  • How can you call yourself a journalist and get it this fucking wrong?

  • How can you be that fucking retarded?

  • All you had to do was scroll the fuck down.

  • You're so stupid. I fucking hate the media.

  • It's fucking embarrassing.

  • "In an cringy kid's voice: Welcome to Felix's Toy Reviews!"

  • *baby noises*

  • (off camera) Ok baby Felix can you do it again?

  • (off camera) More energy!

  • (off camera) Ok? Mommy needs some dollar.

  • More energy?

  • (off camera) Mommy needs dollars, ok?

  • (off camera) Erm, can you do it again baby but can you do it with more energy?

  • More energy?

  • (off camera) Yeah. Hey here's a Red Bull

  • (off camera) Ok? Mommy needs some dollars so you need to look happy.

  • (off camera) That's it. The whole thing.

  • (off camera) There you go!

  • It's too cold I can't drink it!

  • (off camera) Do it again, but happy!

  • Aaaaah!

  • (off camera) Good!

  • Furby is my new favourite toy.

  • (off camera) Ok, Mommy's got you a Furby!

  • Yeah!

  • (off camera) Yeah!

  • Yeah!

  • (off camera) Yeah, aren't you excited?

  • Yeah!

  • (off camera) OK!

  • Oh my god, this-

  • (off camera) Don't ruin the box! Mommy's gotta return it.

  • I don't get to play-

  • (off camera) You don't get to keep it. No.

  • (off camera) Mommy needs new nails.

  • (off camera) OK, open it. Here's a knife.

  • (off camera) For my eight year old son.

  • Here we go.

  • (off camera) Wooow!

  • WOOOOOW!

  • OOOH

  • It's so cute!

  • (off camera) Show it to the camera

  • It's so, it's so cute

  • (off camera) More energy.

  • AAAH! So Cute!

  • AAAAAH!

  • But Mommy it's pink.

  • I want blue.

  • AAAAAH

  • This one has a mask for when it's sleeping.

  • (off camera) Wow isn't that great!

  • AAAAAAAH

  • OOOH!

  • Furby: I wonder what I'll dream about tonight!

  • You see?

  • (off camera) Mommy wants you to burn him.

  • Mommy I don't want to. It's my friend.

  • (off camera) Kill your friend.

  • But it's my friend! It's Mr Fuzzball!

  • (off camera) The only way you can become a man is if you kill what you love.

  • Is that what happened to Dad?

  • Furby: Yaaas!

  • (off camera) Kill it!

  • Woah!

  • AAH!

  • (off camera) Ok! what did you think of your new toy?

  • Why did you make me kill him?

  • (off camera) Did you have fun with your new toy?

  • He was my only friend. We were supposed to leave this town

  • He was everything to me. We were supposed to go over to where the mountains meet the ocean

  • And the desert meets the sky.

  • I loved him. I loved him with all my heart.

  • And you made me kill him.

  • (off camera) Wait! What are you doing!

  • Have you seen the hot knife challenge?

  • (Off camera) Baby stop it!

  • Have you seen the hot knife? How it cuts through anything?

  • (off camera) Baby NO!