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  • Ever wonder why some couples make it, and others don't?

  • Scientist Dr. John Gottman did.

  • He spent 40 years studying thousands of couples to find out exactly what separates

  • the relationship masters from the relationship disasters.

  • Shakespeare compared love to a rose.

  • Gottman uses a different metaphor:

  • an emotional bank account.

  • You know how a regular bank account works.

  • So what's an emotional bank account?

  • It represents the positive and negative balance in your relationship.

  • The best couples maintain a high balance.

  • Couples that break up are often in the red.

  • You make deposits through positive interactions, and you withdraw through negative ones.

  • What does a deposit look like?

  • It's a simple act of showing your partner that you care for and support them.

  • It's as easy as sending your partner a good luck text before a meeting or cooking them

  • dinner after a long day.

  • And pay attention when your partner shows you their admiration and support,

  • notice when they're investing in your relationship.

  • A withdrawal is either hurtful behavior toward your partner, or ignoring their invitations

  • to connect.

  • But withdrawals and deposits don't have equal weight!

  • In fact, Gottman found it takes five positive interactions to make up for one negative one.

  • Happy couples maintain AT LEAST this 5:1 ratio.

  • If you make constant deposits and keep your balance high,

  • you're saving up for a rainy day

  • when you'll need to cash in on that goodwill.

  • Gottman notes that small daily deposits,

  • like asking your partner how their day was,

  • is far more important than the occasional over-the-top romantic gesture.

  • Positivity leads to more positivity.

  • This is not about keeping score.

  • It's about investing in your relationship, and your shared emotional bank account,

  • moving fromMe-nesstoWe-ness.”

  • So keep your balance high by doing nice things every day and recognizing when your partner

  • does them for you.

  • You'll build up that emotional bank account in no time!

Ever wonder why some couples make it, and others don't?

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Invest in Your Relationship: The Emotional Bank Account | The Gottman Institute

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