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  • Imagine you hear your partner let out an exasperated sigh.

  • In that fleeting moment, you have a choice: keep going about your day

  • OR - ask what's on their mind.

  • These small, daily crossroads may seem insignificant,

  • but the choices you make while interacting with your partner

  • could, over time, make or break your relationship.

  • The sigh is what relationship researchers

  • Drs. John and Julie Gottman

  • would call a BID for connection.

  • Bids can be small or big,

  • verbal or nonverbal.

  • We can choose to TURN TOWARDS our partners in these moments

  • and accept their bids.

  • Or TURN AWAY from them

  • and ignore their bids.

  • The Gottmans have spent 4 decades

  • studying thousands of couples to answer the question:

  • What separates the relationship Masters from the relationship Disasters?

  • They found a critical difference

  • in how each type of couple responds to bids for connection.

  • In these moments, Masters turn towards each other 86% of the time.

  • Disasters turn towards each other only 33% of the time.

  • A tendency to turn towards your partner

  • forms the basis of trust,

  • emotional connection,

  • passion,

  • and a satisfying sex life.

  • When couples break up,

  • it's usually not because of big issues like conflict or infidelity.

  • More often,

  • it's a result of the resentment and distance that build up over time

  • when partners continually turn away from bids for connection.

  • So take a page from the relationship Masters' playbook.

  • Notice when your partner makes a bid.

  • Show interest,

  • ask questions,

  • nod,

  • listen,

  • and put away your screens.

  • Choose to turn towards your partner.

Imagine you hear your partner let out an exasperated sigh.

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B1 US relationship partner connection gottman bid nonverbal

The Easiest Way to Improve Your Relationship | The Gottman Institute

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