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Let me say this, let me say this, I've been thinking about this, too.
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Father's Day is the worst holiday in the world.
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I've done the research.
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I already know.
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Let me tell you something.
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Mother's Day is the second-most celebrated holiday in the world.
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Christmas is first.
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So, it's ... That means it's Jesus, then your mama.
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You know where Father's Day fall at?
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Number 20.
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I can't think of 18 other holidays.
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Do you realize Halloween is number six?
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So, that means ghosts and goblins go before fathers?
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Arbor Day is number 13.
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I don't even know what that is.
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I just know it come before me.
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That's crazy.
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Columbus Day is number 16.
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Celebrating Columbus Day is like celebrating somebody finding money in your house.
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Where you get that 50 dollar from?
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I discovered it in your kitchen.
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Ridiculous!
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Father's ... and I ... and it's mothers' fault, it's mothers' fault, 'cause see, when Mother's Day comes around, fathers go in their pocket deep.
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Go in their pocket deep.
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"Hey, I want to get my mama something", you ... cash that money out.
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You know what mothers do?
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"Hey, I want to get Daddy something."
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"Well, go in that car, there's some change in my little cup holder in there."
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Don't nobody even have a sale for Father's Day--who has a Father's Day sale?
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Mother's Day sale, it's like 30 of them.
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Everybody have Mother's Day sale.
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Don't nobody have no Father's Day sale.
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Who has a Father's Day sale?
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The Dollar Store.
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That's how you get water hose and jumper cables for fathers ...
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And the store's notice, cuz now, the store got a little trick for fathers.
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They make little packages, where they, it's a little box.
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It gives you suspenders, socks, and a shirt.
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One box.
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And you know what kids do?
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They give you that stuff throughout the year.
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They give that shirt for Father's Day, them socks for your birthday, and then they just randomly give you something else as, you know, they think about it.
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It's crazy--Father's Day sucks!
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And I'm a father.
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I did all this work to be a father, for the suck.