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  • Hey, it's your boy McEnroe again.

  • This is Devi Vishwakumar, she's a 15-year-old Indian-American girl from Sherman Oaks, California.

  • And it's her first day of sophomore year.

  • And I am legendary tennis player, John McEnroe.

  • [Never have I ever: best narration from John McEnroe.]

  • Devi has what you might consider a short fuse, and sometimes she's a straight up psycho.

  • Which I find pretty admirable.

  • Paxton Hall-Yoshida, the hottest guy at Sherman Oaks high.

  • I know it's a little weird for me to be saying that.

  • But come on, look at this kid's jawline.

  • As much as Devi wanted to be a chill girl that you could have sex with, she knew the truth.

  • She was a weird loser and a member of the UN.

  • And today was certainly not gonna change that.

  • The hot pocket, it was where all the best looking guys in school ate lunch.

  • We're talking Marcus Jones.

  • We're talking Eddie Tan.

  • Hell, we're talking Trent Harrison!

  • But Devi was determined.

  • Paxton's chiseled face actually worked a miracle.

  • But even though she told her friends that Jonah was the one she was after, Paxton Hall-Yoshida just seemed so much more, I don't know... hot.

  • That's why she wanted to post this thirst trap in the first place.

  • So Paxton would like it, and maybe like her.

  • So the next morning, Devi took her dad's advice and decided to fight back with her spirit, AKA she would be serving a damn lewk.

  • Did he just say she looked good?

  • Holy shit!

  • Maybe she wasn't as friend-zoned as she thought.

  • Oh God, get outta there Devi, this is a classic brush off.

  • Uh, cool.

  • Well, this certainly was not the walk of shame Devi was hoping for.

  • Oh, you finally figured out you're a Gryffindor like me?

  • No, I'm obviously a Ravenclaw like Eleanor.

  • They're all Hufflepuff.

  • So Devi was grounded and forced to become a house servant.

  • Currently, she was on ironing duty.

  • Man, this is boring.

  • I'm a tennis commentator, not a golf commentator!

  • Dr. Ryan and her friends were so wrong.

  • Devi wasn't lost, she was a frigging sexual conquistador who had just snagged her first kiss from a teenage Adonis!

  • And as far as she could tell that Jeep ride just solved all her problems.

  • Are you okay, kid?

  • Oh fuck, you're John McEnroe!

  • I am.

  • Whoa, it's me, small world.

  • Thank you so much, Mr. McEnroe!

Hey, it's your boy McEnroe again.

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/05/12
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