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People always say that you are your own worst critic, but critic is just another word for judge.
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And when you are your own biggest judge, you can become your own jailer.
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For the past year, I have felt imprisoned in my own head.
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As an artist, I've been stuck, and no amount of inspiration has been able to give me the freedom to create.
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This feeling led me to abandon my personal projects and instead help others bring their visions to life.
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It's not that I didn't have ideas or want to create.
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It's just when it's not your own story, it isn't as scary to put into the world.
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For nearly six months, I've worked all around the world helping others.
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I thought that letting go of the creative decisions would allow me to breathe as an artist.
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It hasn't worked out, I mean sure I've made some money, but at the end of the day, the goals and the dreams I had for myself never went anywhere.
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I just chose to ignore them because I wasn't able to move forward with my ideas with any confidence.
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I've let the pressure of an audience influence my creative process.
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I stopped viewing my work as an artist and just began viewing it as a judge.
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Over time I realized that the thing holding me back was perfectionism.
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The dictionary defines perfectionism as a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable.
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You hear a lot of people call themselves perfectionists.
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And usually it's said as some sort of like a humblebrag, but for me perfectionism was an anchor.
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The thought of making mistakes was paralyzing.
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Everything had to be perfect or it wasn't even worth trying.
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So I thought one simple realization was able to break these binds holding me back.
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When you look at yourself in a mirror, you don't see what everyone else sees.
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You're overly critical of every detail.
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We all wish we could change something we see, but the reality is that those changes are things almost no one else would notice.
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What I realized is that my art is no different.
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I was criticizing my work so heavily because I was viewing it in a mirror.
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I knew what I wanted to see and if I couldn't make it exactly that I didn't see any point in trying.
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But, when you view your work like that, you'll never be happy.
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There's always a change that can be made.
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It's an endless cycle of judgment and abandonment.
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Perfection in my mind is a measure of how well something does, what it is intended to do.
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I create art to express myself sure, but the real goal is to create something that evokes emotion from my audience, from all of you.
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And if my work does that then it's as perfect as it needs to be.
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Scott Adams said: "Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes; art is knowing which ones to keep."
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I'll never be able to show you exactly what I see in my head.
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And at best, it'll be an approximation with some flaws.
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But that's okay, because those flaws will be the mistakes I will learn to accept and choose to keep.