Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • OUR NEXT GUEST IS A BRILLIANT

  • STAND-UP COMEDIAN WHOSE BRAND

  • NEW BOOK "GIRL LOGIC" IS

  • AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER NOW, AND

  • NEXT WEEK YOU CAN SEE HER

  • PERFORM LIVE AT THE NEW YORK

  • COMEDY FESTIVAL.

  • PLEASE WELCOME ILIZA SHLESINGER!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • ( BAND PLAYING )

  • >> THANK YOU!

  • HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • THANK YOU!

  • THANK YOU!

  • ALL RIGHT, SO SOMETHING

  • INTERESTING THAT HAPPENED TO ME

  • RECENTLY, I GOT ENGAGED.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • THANK YOU!

  • THANK YOU!

  • THAT IS A VERY NORMAL HUMAN

  • REACTION.

  • NORMALLY, WHEN YOU TELL PEOPLE

  • IN LOS ANGELES YOU GOT ENGAGED

  • THEY'RE, LIKE, GOOD FOR YOU...

  • ANYTHING, GOOD FOR YOU...

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • THAT ALWAYS BEGS THE NEXT

  • QUESTION, WHICH IS OBLIGATORY,

  • HOW DID YOU GUYS MEET?

  • NOBODY ACTUALLY CARES, RIGHT?

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • AND IT'S NEVER A DOPE STORY.

  • YOU'RE NEVER ASKED TO MEET, HOW

  • DID YOU MEET YOUR GIRL AND HE'S

  • LIKE, ALL RIGHT, SO, I WAS A

  • RAIDER OF THE LOST ARC, SHE WAS

  • THE BOULDER ROLLING AFTER ME,

  • FOUND A MUTUAL LOVE OF FLIPPING

  • HOUSES.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • AND I CAN SAY THIS AS A WOMAN

  • WHO CHOSE TO BE SINGLE FOR A

  • VERY LONG TIME AS A FEMINIST, AS

  • A CHAMPION OF WOMEN, I GENUINELY

  • FEEL THAT WHEN WOMEN ASK ME HOW

  • DID YOU GUYS MEET, IT'S LESS

  • ABOUT A GENUINE PERSONAL INQUIRY

  • FOR ME AND IT'S MORE LIKE

  • THEY'RE DIGGING FOR CLUES, LIKE,

  • WHERE DID YOU FIND A SUITOR!

  • WE WISH TO KNOW!

  • YOU WALK INTO A TRADER JOES ON

  • SUNDAY BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN HOT

  • GIRLS GO GROCERY SHOPPING, I'M

  • BUYING FLOWERS FOR ME, RIGHT?

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • YOU WALK INTO TRADER JOES ON A

  • SUNDAY WITH A RING ON YOUR LEFT

  • HAND, WOMEN CAN FEEL THE

  • VIBRATIONS OF THAT RING AND THEY

  • COME OUT OF THE CRACKS IN THE

  • FLOOR IN FRESH YOGA PANTS AND

  • HIGHLIGHTED HAIR --

  • ( SCREAMING BRCTS THERE ARE NO

  • SECRETS, I PROMISE YOU THIS.

  • IT'S NO SECRET TO MEETING A MAN.

  • I'M GOING TO BE 35 -- WHEN I GET

  • MARRIED, ALL RIGHT?

  • IF THERE'S A SECRET, I WOULD

  • HAVE USED IT, OKAY?

  • THERE'S NO SECT.

  • THERE'S NO MAGICAL SECRET.

  • I'M NEVER GOING TO BE, LIKE,

  • GATHER AROUND, LADIES!

  • OFF THE 405 LIES A TOE HOLD,

  • MUST GO TO IT!

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • ASK A GIRL HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR

  • GUY, WE WANT TO TELL YOU, WE GET

  • SO EXCITED.

  • WE WILL TELL YOU EVERYTHING.

  • EVERYTHING.

  • WE WILL TAKE IT BACK INFO YOU

  • DON'T NEED.

  • SITTING DOWN?

  • CHAPTER ONE, IN THE SEVENTH

  • GRADE, I SHOWED AN APTITUDE FOR

  • THE CLARINET -- LIKE WE TAKE IT

  • BACK!

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • MEN ARE LESS VERBAL.

  • YOU ASK A GUY HOW DID YOU MEET

  • YOUR GIRL AND TYPICALLY THE

  • STORIES SOUND ABOUT THE SAME.

  • IT'S ALWAYS, LIKE, ALL RIGHT, SO

  • I WAS OUTER WITH MY BUDDIES, AND

  • YOU KNOW ME, I WASN'T LOOKING

  • FOR ANYBODY.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • AND THEN I SAW HER.

  • AND THAT BECOMES PART OF OUR

  • NARRATIVE AS WOMEN FOR BETTER OR

  • WORSE, THE OBJECTIVE OF BEING

  • SEEN.

  • WE GO OUT HOPING THAT A MAN WILL

  • PICK US, SAVE US, RESCUE US,

  • THAT HE WILL SEE US.

  • IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A BAD

  • FEMINIST.

  • IT'S BIOLOGY.

  • YOU ALL GO OUT LOOKING FOR

  • SOMEONE.

  • YOU DRESS UP, PUT ON THE SPANKS,

  • YOU GO OUT LIKE A STARVING

  • COYOTE, PUT ON A LITTLE MEAT FOR

  • BAIT -- OVER HERE, BOYS!

  • SO THAT BEGS THE QUESTION THAT

  • ANY GOOD FEMINIST WOULD ASK,

  • LIKE, OKAY, WELL, WHY DO MEN

  • HAVE TO HIT ON US?

  • WHY CAN'T WE HIT ON MEN?

  • AND THE ANSWER IS, IT'S JUST NOT

  • OUR THING.

  • WOMEN ARE NOT GOOD WITH

  • REJECTION.

  • WITH REJECTION FROM FLIRTING,

  • WE'RE NOT GOOD WITH THAT.

  • WITH REJECTION WITH THINGS LIKE,

  • I DON'T KNOW, EQUAL WAGES,

  • GOVERNING OUR OWN BODIES, THAT

  • KIND OF IDEA, WE PUT UP WITH

  • THAT ALL THE TIME.

  • ( APPLAUSE )

  • BUT MEN DEAL WITH REJECTION ON

  • THE REGULAR -- IT ROLLS OFF

  • THEIR BACK.

  • FOR MEN REJECTION IS A -- DATING

  • IS A QUANTITY NOT A QUALITY

  • GAME.

  • HEY, SWEETHEART.

  • NO.

  • YOU'RE UGLY ANYWAY.

  • HEY, HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • BECAUSE HE'S PLAYING THE ODDS.

  • HE KNOWS IF HE HITS ON 20 WOMEN,

  • ONE OF THEM, AT THE BUZZER, WHEN

  • THE LIGHTS GO UP, HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • OKAY, BUT CAN WE WASH BEFORE WE

  • MAKE LOVE?

  • AND THE GUY IS LIKE, OKAY, TAKE

  • MY HAND, I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT MY

  • COMPANY HERBAL LIFE, MOSTLY

  • SUPPLEMENTS.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • WOMEN DON'T WORK THROUGH

  • REJECTION, WE HOLD ON TO IT.

  • EVERY WOMAN HAS DONE THIS.

  • WE PLUCK THAT REJECTION FROM OUR

  • PAST AND WE HOLD O ON TO IT SO

  • TIGHT IT BECOMES PART OF US AND

  • THEN WE GET TO USE THAT

  • REJECTION AS AN EXCUSE FOR WHY

  • WE ARE THE SPECIAL BRAND OF

  • WEIRD THAT ARE NOW.

  • HE BROKE UP WITH ME OVER

  • BREAKFAST SO NOW I DON'T DRINK

  • MILK AND I'M ANNOYING!

  • IT'S SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • WE TAKE EACH INSTANCE AND WE

  • HOLD ON TO ALL OF THEM, EACH

  • REJECTION IS ITS OWN THING AND

  • WE PLUCK IT OUT OF SPACE TIME,

  • LABEL IT ON A MASON JAR, PIN IT

  • AND PUT EACH ONE INTO OUR SACK

  • OF EMOTIONS.

  • HE BROKE UP WITH ME ON A PLANE

  • SO I PRETEND TO BE AFRAID OF

  • HEIGHTS FOR ATTENTION.

  • I CAN'T MEET YOUR BROTHER,

  • ALREADY SLEPT WITH HIM, WHOOPSIE

  • DAISY.

  • DON'T TOUCH MY THIGHS.

  • WE PUT THEM INTO THIS SAD SACK

  • OF EMOTION AND WHAT DO WE DO, WE

  • ALL DO IT, WE THROW IT OVER OUR

  • SHOULDER AND WE WHAT?

  • WE WALK IT INTO THE NEW

  • RELATIONSHIP!

  • AND THE BEST PART, IS TRICK OR

  • TREAT, THE NEW BOYFRIEND HAS NO

  • IDEA!

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • NO IDEA!

  • AND HE'S LIKE, OMIGOD, SHE SEEMS

  • SO COOL AND WELL ADJUSTED!

  • AND I'M, LIKE, I AM, THIS SEEMS

  • A NICE PLACE FOR ME TO -- UNPACK

  • MY CRAP!

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • >> James: LADIES AND

  • GENTLEMEN, ILIZA SCHLESINGER,

  • EVERYBODY!

  • THE BOOK IS "GIRL LOGIC,"

  • AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER NOW!

OUR NEXT GUEST IS A BRILLIANT

Subtitles and vocabulary

Operation of videos Adjust the video here to display the subtitles

B1 US TheLateLateShow rejection laughter applause feminist girl

Iliza Shlesinger Stand-up

  • 513 4
    Evangeline posted on 2020/04/10
Video vocabulary