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  • -Let's get to the news.

  • President Trump tweeted four times over the weekend,

  • quoting a "New York Times" article

  • about the high television ratings

  • for daily press conferences about the coronavirus pandemic.

  • Hey, man, we're not tuning in to hear from you.

  • We're tuning in to hear from Dr. Fauci.

  • He's the Ross and Rachel of this thing

  • and you will always be the Gunther.

  • President Trump over the weekend asked the CDC to issue

  • a strong travel advisory

  • for New York, Connecticut, and New Jersey.

  • So bad news if you wanted to see the Empire State Building,

  • Mystic Seaport, or a baby with her ears pierced.

  • Mike Scollins -- if you're from New Jersey and you're angry,

  • Mike Scollins wrote that joke.

  • President Trump announced yesterday he would extend

  • social-distancing guidelines through next month.

  • Said Americans, "This is still the same month?"

  • This March came in like a lion

  • and went out like a kick in the [bleep].

  • That's right. Despite saying last week that he wanted

  • to have the country open by Easter,

  • President Trump said yesterday he would extend

  • social-distancing guidelines until next month.

  • On the plus side, you can still spend Easter the way

  • you always do -- by completely forgetting about it

  • until your mom calls and you lie about going to church.

  • British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has written

  • a letter to every household in Britain,

  • urging people to stay indoors

  • and practice social distancing during the coronavirus outbreak.

  • So that's interesting.

  • Social distancing is called the same thing here as it is there.

  • I just assumed it would be something like

  • "Her Majesty's dodgy pleasure."

  • Either way, everyone eat your crumpets in your flat, you hear?

  • A doughnut shop in New York is offering new doughnuts

  • that feature a picture

  • of infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci

  • with red, white, and blue sprinkles, which is sweet.

  • But if you really want to pay tribute to Dr. Fauci,

  • close your doughnut shop!

  • According to movie review website Rotten Tomatoes,

  • Netflix's "Tiger King"

  • ranks as the most popular show on TV right now.

  • I guess after a Trump press briefing,

  • people are craving the solid leadership

  • and smart decision making of Joe Exotic.

  • Good guy for a pandemic, Joe Exotic.

  • Authorities in North Carolina recently recovered

  • nearly 20,000 pounds of stolen toilet paper.

  • Officials recovered the stolen goods after offering a bounty.

  • I think if there was an audience here,

  • they'd react the same way.

  • Bob Dylan has released a 17-minute song

  • about the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.

  • Even crazier, in minute 10, he confesses to it.

  • "I didn't think you'd listen this long.

  • You got me."

  • And finally, today was rapper MC Hammer's 58th birthday,

  • and he just released his new single,

  • "You Can't Touch Anything."

-Let's get to the news.

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B2 US LateNightwithSethMeyers trump president trump president social distancing distancing

President Trump Extends Social Distancing Guidelines

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    isaac posted on 2020/04/08
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