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  • - Oh wow, you caught me reading

  • about art and the history of history.

  • Hey, Trevor Noah here, at home,

  • which is where you should all be as well.

  • Well, not in my home, I don't have

  • enough snacks for everyone, I mean in your homes.

  • Social distancing, #, but at the beginning of the word.

  • So what's the latest on coronavirus?

  • Well, President Trump says they found a treatment.

  • Governors are taking action, and spring break

  • is getting canceled, (gasps) dry T shirt contest.

  • So let's get into it, with another episode

  • of The Daily Social Distancing Show.

  • (upbeat music)

  • - [Announcer] From Trevor's couch in New York City

  • to your couch somewhere in the world,

  • this is The Daily Social Distancing Show with Trevor Noah.

  • (upbeat music)

  • - So people around the world have been

  • social distancing for a few days now.

  • And every day we're learning something new.

  • One, coronavirus is a serious disease.

  • Two, it's not just dangerous for old people.

  • And three, your relationship was

  • not as secure as you thought.

  • Yeah, it's amazing how much you discover about each other

  • when neither of you can ever leave!

  • Anyway, today was another tremendous day for the most

  • powerful man in the world, Donald Jehosaphat Trump.

  • He's the one man we're all forced to listen to

  • during this crisis, and everyday he reminds us

  • why hiring him was America's biggest mistake.

  • - It's very uncharted territory.

  • Could've been stopped, could've been stopped pretty easily

  • if we had known, if everybody had known about it

  • a number of months before people started reading about it.

  • Nobody knew there'd be a pandemic

  • or an epidemic of this proportion,

  • nobody's ever seen anything like this before.

  • - Yes, everybody including Trump,

  • didn't know how big this thing was,

  • except for Trump, who knew how big this thing was,

  • but didn't do anything because he didn't know

  • how big this thing was, it makes perfect sense.

  • I still don't understand why Trump bothers

  • stepping up to the microphone if he doesn't know anything.

  • Like President Trump, just let the doctors

  • and the scientists talk, all right?

  • Trump should just stand in the back like a hype man.

  • Dr. Fauci should be up there telling us,

  • the number of infected people has now risen to,

  • and then Trump can just be in the back like

  • uh huh, that's right, yeah, uh huh, corona baby.

  • He can be the Diddy of this shit, or the Brother Love,

  • I don't know which one it is right now.

  • Just in the back, just doing the thing.

  • That's all Trump needs to do,

  • just be a hype man, coronavirus hype man.

  • That's what, uh huh, people infected, you got it,

  • west side baby, that's all you need to do.

  • And I'm not just saying this to hate on Trump.

  • Because here's what Trump said today,

  • today, about a treatment for coronavirus.

  • - A drug called chloroquine, its is known as a malaria drug.

  • And it's been around for a long time.

  • We're going to be able to make that drug

  • available almost immediately,

  • and that's where the FDA has been so great.

  • They've gone through the approval process.

  • It's been approved.

  • - (gasps) What, we got the treatment,

  • we gonna cure it, we're gonna...

  • What?

  • He was just making that shit up?

  • - What the president said was

  • either confusing or just plain wrong.

  • - That's a drug that the president has

  • directed us to take a closer look at

  • to actually see if that benefits patients.

  • And again, we wanna do that in the setting

  • of a clinical trial, a large pragmatic clinical trial,

  • to actually gather that information,

  • and answer the question that needs to be asked and answered.

  • - If I could cover my face with my hands I would.

  • Because this is the most embarrassing thing ever.

  • The FDA commissioner openly

  • called the president out for making this shit up.

  • That's so embarrassing.

  • He said it, then the guy's like, no, that's not the truth.

  • This would be like your mother

  • commenting under your Facebook post.

  • Like, just to be clear Jeremy is not drowning in pussy,

  • he's currently in the basement playing Fortnite.

  • Mom!

  • Now thankfully, Trump isn't the only person

  • who can do something during this crisis.

  • While America's dealing with its incompetent in chief,

  • many of America's governors have started

  • to take matters into their own hands.

  • For instance, just today, and this was amazing,

  • in New York Governor Andrew Cuomo suspended

  • all mortgage payments for people in financial hardship,

  • and all credit card fees and ATM overdraft fees

  • are also suspended, which is amazing.

  • It's amazing for people who are struggling financially.

  • We have to remember that that's gonna happen

  • if we expect people to stay home and not work.

  • And by the way, that's also a rule that we should keep

  • long after coronavirus is gone.

  • Overdraft fees is a scam that should have

  • never existed in the first place.

  • How's the bank gonna charge me for giving me too much money?

  • If I have $20 in my account, but you let me take out $100,

  • that sounds like a bank's problem to me, not a me problem.

  • I should charge you overdraft for making me

  • ball out control with money I didn't have.

  • I was out there getting bottles.

  • I didn't have bottle money, that's overdraft.

  • Gonna tell me I owe you money, you owe me money.

  • Anyway, Cuomo isn't the only governor taking action.

  • Today the governor of Florida had to close

  • all the beaches, because it turns out young people

  • on spring break were acting like the coronavirus ain't shit.

  • Yeah, while the rest of us are social distancing

  • these kids are running out

  • and about saying things like this.

  • - Like it's really messing up with my spring break.

  • - I just turned 21 this year, so I'm here to party.

  • And trying to get drunk before everything closes!

  • - We still wanna come here and have fun.

  • - We're not real worried about it,

  • 'cause we're on the sand, and it's an open area,

  • there's not a lot of door knobs

  • and not a lot of things you can touch.

  • - If I get corona, I get corona.

  • At the end of the day, I'm not

  • gonna let it stop me from partying.

  • - I'm sorry, what?

  • I'm sorry, what?

  • You're not gonna let coronavirus stop you from,

  • You're not gonna let coronavirus stop you,

  • coronavirus is not, you don't need to let it, okay?

  • Coronavirus is the Harvey Weinstein of diseases.

  • It does not ask for consent, my friend.

  • Kid's making it sound like coronavirus

  • is gonna ask for permission before jumping into your body.

  • Excuse me sir, my name is corona.

  • Would you mind if I compromised your immune system?

  • Here's the thing young people need to understand.

  • Yes, coronavirus is most dangerous for old people.

  • But that doesn't mean it's not dangerous

  • for young people too, okay?

  • It can still get our ass into intensive care, all right?

  • It's just more dangerous for old people.

  • But it's still dangerous.

  • Think of it this way, I always make jokes

  • about the New York Knicks being

  • a bad NBA basketball team, right?

  • But they're bad relative to other NBA teams.

  • But if you and your amateur ass office team

  • played against them, you'd be walking off the court like,

  • I'm sorry Mr. Knicks, I won't make fun of you again.

  • So get your shit together young people.

  • Coronavirus ain't no joke.

  • Oh, speaking of young people,

  • Jabouki Young-White's calling me, hold on, hold on.

  • Let me see if I can record this.

  • I love Jabouki.

  • Yo Jabouki, what's going on, man?

  • - Yo Trevor, what's up, how's it going, how's it going?

  • You holding up? - Man,

  • I've missed your face, dude, this is crazy.

  • - Over this beautiful Skype quality.

  • - Yeah, I'm loving this.

  • Man, I was chatting to Roy yesterday,

  • his kid is running around the house, it's wild.

  • I feel like everyone is trying to

  • just stay sane right now, you know?

  • - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's me and my plants,

  • we're going at it, we're having fun.

  • - Is that a real plant?

  • - That's a real plant, it's my

  • best friend now, his name is Wilson.

  • - Wilson (laughs)?

  • Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, like most of the time I'm fine,

  • but then there's moments where like I'm going crazy.

  • Like not being at work, there's moments

  • where I'm just like ah what do you do with,

  • like what are you doing?

  • - Oh, I'm just obsessively on Twitter,

  • on Instagram, on Twitter, on Instagram,

  • just going back and forth between those two pretty much.

  • - Yeah, but that's what you normally do.

  • - Well right, but the wifi at work

  • is like so much faster, so.

  • - Oh, so this is more stressful, I guess.

  • - It's actually been pretty hard on me.

  • - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah,

  • my retweet to like ratio is down by half.

  • - Yeah, I guess everyone's got a different corona struggle.

  • - I've been thinking like there's

  • so many possibilities online, like I might get ordained

  • as a minister, I might adopt a child online.

  • There's really a lot that I could do.

  • - You can adopt a child online?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Wow, there's so many things about the internet

  • I feel like you could teach me.

  • Anyway, all right. - TikTok.

  • - Yeah, we should do a TikTok together, that would be fun.

  • I see like everyone's doing the thing.

  • - Yeah.

  • - That'll be cool, any way dude,

  • thanks for calling, man, I was even surprised

  • that you called, that was dope.

  • - Yeah, I really think it's important

  • that we check on older people during this time.

  • So if you need any groceries, prune juice,

  • metamucil, suppositories, what was your list?

  • - Jaboukie, I think when they say that

  • they're talking about like actual old people.

  • I'm not old, like I'm basically the same age as you.

  • Like when they say old they mean like old, old.

  • I'm not old. - Yeah.

  • - I always tell you this.

  • - Well, that's awesome, okay bye, take your medicine.

  • - I'm not old, I'm a millennial.

  • All right, before we go, I just once again

  • wanted to ask everybody who can donate.

  • Please donate to kids who no longer get school lunches

  • because their schools are shut down.

  • If you can help, please go to nokidjungry.org,

  • and help kids to get a good meal

  • while their schools are shut down.

  • And if you wanna help feed kids

  • in New York City specifically,

  • please go to cityharvest.org,

  • and donate whatever you're able to do, all right?

  • There are people out there who've already done it.

  • I think yesterday alone we managed to help raise

  • $40,000, which is a lot of money,

  • and gets a lot of kids food, but there are still

  • kids out there who need your help.

  • So if you can still help, please do help.

  • Stay safe out there, thank you so much

  • for tuning in to this madness.

  • I'll see you again soon, but first,

  • here it is, your moment of zen.

  • (gentle music)

  • (Aaron coughs)

  • - The accent is not COVID,

  • it's the water entered the wrong organ (coughs).

- Oh wow, you caught me reading

Subtitles and keywords

A2 BEG coronavirus trump trevor people social distancing distancing

Trump’s Bulls**t Corona Cure & Sad Spring Breakers | The Daily Social Distancing Show

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    林宜悉   posted on 2020/03/28
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