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  • HONEST VOICE Universal Pictures proudly presents the film

  • you realized had absolutely no dialogue whatsoever - only after you bought your ticket.

  • HONEST VOICE (CONT'D) Les Miserabablebles

  • HONEST VOICE (CONT'D) Told in award-winning songs of beauty andexuberance.

  • Except those sung by Russell Crowe.

  • RUSSELL CROWE Unless you learned the meaning of the law.

  • I have made a false report. We may have met.

  • HONEST VOICE Characters often singing about things that could be very easily done by just talking normally--

  • HELENA BONHAM CARTER Go and draw some water from the well.

  • EPONINE Hey there monsieur, what's new with you?

  • AMANDA SEYFRIED Are you alright? Why did you go away?

  • HONEST VOICE Seriously they sing everything, so to hit that point even harder we thought we'd sing the rest of the trailer.

  • SINGING VOICE Meet the spirit of human redemption: Jean Valjean. A paroled thief now on the run under

  • an assumed identity... for reasons never made clear in the entire movie.

  • SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) Who must face off against Inspector Javert...

  • An officer with such terrible priorities, he'll put the entire city of Paris on lock

  • down to a stop a man who already served his time.

  • SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) Follow along in their epic game of cat and mouse - that spans 20 years

  • Which is almost as long as the movie feels.

  • Meet Fantine... a random factory worker who brings an incriminating letter to work for no reason... and is fired--

  • Sinking into desperation so deep - she becomes most pathetic woman in France

  • in just two verses of song!

  • Watch her with no hair, watch her with no teeth - yet she becomes the most desirable prostitute in town

  • which she'll blame on Hugh Jackman. Even though he had nothing to do with it.

  • It's Anne Hathaway like you've never seen her...

  • (Spoken) Literally, she drops dead after only like twenty minutes of screen time.

  • Leaving Valjean to now care for Cosette, her precocious child who is scared of the dark--

  • SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) But totally cool letting some stranger drag her around the city.

  • SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) Now, at the dawn of revolution...

  • One young man, will give up everything for a woman he's met through a fence.

  • SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) Prompting a heart-breaking romance we know nothing about

  • because the entire subplot is glossed over...

  • SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) To make room for countless scenes of Borat!

  • SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) Not since "The Dark Knight Rises" has a movie been so manipulative with its use of time jumps.

  • SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) And not since Chicago, has a movie tried so hard to convince you that movie musicals are a good idea.

  • SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) Featuring award-winning songs, but they all sound the same,

  • so without the track listing you won't be able to tell one song from another.

  • SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) Experience over 2 1/2 hours of CGI Crane Shots

  • SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) and extreme close-ups.

  • SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) And the death of Russell Crowe's acting ability.

  • HONEST VOICE Starring...

  • HUGH JACKMAN I have a very annoying vibrato.

  • ANNE HATHAWAY I really, really, really wanted to win an Oscar!

  • RUSSELL CROWE I should have never agreed to sing an entire movie!

  • SACHA BARON COHEN They really should have shown less of me and more of Eponine!

  • HELENA BONHAM CARTER Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!

  • SINGING VOICE If your girlfriend doesn't appreciate you after sitting through this movie... Then you

  • should really rethink your relationship.

  • HONEST VOICE Les Miserables.

HONEST VOICE Universal Pictures proudly presents the film

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Honest Trailers - Les Miserables

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    VoiceTube posted on 2013/03/28
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