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  • -Let's get to some news.

  • President Trump's Senate impeachment trial

  • kicked off yesterday.

  • Began at 1:00 p.m. and lasted 13 hours. Ooh.

  • And out of habit, once the trial lasted

  • more than four hours, every old Senator panicked

  • and called their doctor. [ Laughter ]

  • During the marathon first day, several Senators

  • were actually caught sleeping, including Mitch McConnell.

  • Even more upsetting, when Mitch McConnell falls asleep,

  • he doesn't close his eyes like you and me.

  • His head just slowly retreats into his neck.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • And it wasn't just Mitch McConnell.

  • A couple of other Senators also fell asleep.

  • Meanwhile, Adam Schiff looked like he spent the night

  • dropping Adderall into his Four Loko.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Yesterday, a few Senators stepped away from the hearing

  • and gave interviews in the hallway,

  • which brings us to a new segment called

  • "Ted Cruz, please stop saying that."

  • ♪♪

  • -You know, there's an old saying that if you have the facts,

  • you bang the facts.

  • If you have the law, you bang the law.

  • If you don't have either, you bang the table.

  • Well, this afternoon, we've seen a whole lot of table-banging.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Oh.

  • [ Applause ]

  • Oh.

  • -Meanwhile, before leaving a big economic conference

  • in Switzerland today, Trump sat down for an interview

  • with CNBC and was asked for his thoughts on Elon Musk.

  • Check it out.

  • -Do you have comments on Elon Musk?

  • -Well, you have to give him credit.

  • I spoke to him very recently.

  • And he's also doing the rockets. He likes rockets.

  • And he does good at rockets, too, by the way.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Sounds like a little kid describing Buzz Lightyear.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • "He does -- He does good with the rockets.

  • He does -- He does good by the rockets."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Trump then talked about needing to protect geniuses

  • like Elon Musk.

  • -And I was worried about him because he's one of

  • our great geniuses, and we have to protect our genius.

  • You know, we have to protect Thomas Edison.

  • We have to protect all of these people that came up with,

  • originally, the light bulb and the wheel

  • and all of these things.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -We've all had those moments when you start talking

  • and realize you're making no sense but there's no way out.

  • You know? We've all been there.

  • "I love genius inventors, Elon Musk and Thomas Edison,

  • George Foreman. He's good."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • "The Flex Tape guy." -"The Slap Chop.

  • All of these." -"Slap Chop."

  • [ Laughing ]

  • -"ShamWow. These guys are good."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -We have to protect these geniuses.

  • Put them in a Plexiglas.

  • -"Just give me --" [ Laughter ]

  • -"Put them in a bird cage." -"You know."

  • -"Put all of the geniuses in a bird cage and protect them."

  • -"Everything bagel spice." -Stop talking.

  • [ Laughter ] -"People are geniuses."

  • -"You can put everything bagel spice on anything,

  • it tastes better. It really does, It really does.

  • It's an amazing thing."

  • This is interesting. I read that Princess Cruises

  • just set sail on a 111-day around-the-world cruise.

  • Yeah, 111-day cruise.

  • They actually came up with some names

  • for what to call the cruise, and we have some of them

  • for you right here.

  • First, there's Four Months of Hell.

  • Then there's, Like That One Scene in "Bridesmaids"

  • But For 111 Days."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • And finally, there's, Where Honeymooners Disappear

  • on Day 50 on an All New "Dateline."

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • 111 days? Too long.

  • Finally this week, there was an attempt

  • to break the record for largest gathering of twins,

  • and over 14,000 pairs of twins showed up.

  • Asked how they'd describe the event,

  • organizers said, "Creepy. Really creepy."

  • Guys, we have a great show!

-Let's get to some news.

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President Trump Impeachment Trial Day One Lasts 13 Hours

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/03/25
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