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When I was nine years old
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I went off to summer camp for the first time.
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And my mother packed me a suitcase
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full of books,
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which to me seemed like a perfectly natural thing to do.
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Because in my family,
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reading was the primary group activity.
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And this might sound antisocial to you,
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but for us it was really just a different way of being social.
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You have the animal warmth of your family
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sitting right next to you,
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but you are also free to go roaming around the adventureland
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inside your own mind.
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And I had this idea
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that camp was going to be just like this, but better.
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(Laughter)
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I had a vision of 10 girls sitting in a cabin
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cozily reading books in their matching nightgowns.
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(Laughter)
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Camp was more like a keg party without any alcohol.
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And on the very first day
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our counselor gathered us all together
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and she taught us a cheer that she said we would be doing
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every day for the rest of the summer
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to instill camp spirit.
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And it went like this:
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"R-O-W-D-I-E,
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that's the way we spell rowdie.
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Rowdie, rowdie, let's get rowdie."
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Yeah.
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So I couldn't figure out for the life of me
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why we were supposed to be so rowdy,
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or why we had to spell this word incorrectly.
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(Laughter)
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But I recited a cheer. I recited a cheer along with everybody else.
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I did my best.
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And I just waited for the time
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that I could go off and read my books.
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But the first time that I took my book out of my suitcase,
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the coolest girl in the bunk came up to me
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and she asked me, "Why are you being so mellow?" --
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mellow, of course, being the exact opposite
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of R-O-W-D-I-E.
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And then the second time I tried it,
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the counselor came up to me with a concerned expression on her face
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and she repeated the point about camp spirit
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and said we should all work very hard
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to be outgoing.
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And so I put my books away,
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back in their suitcase,
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and I put them under my bed,
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and there they stayed for the rest of the summer.
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And I felt kind of guilty about this.
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I felt as if the books needed me somehow,
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and they were calling out to me and I was forsaking them.
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But I did forsake them and I didn't open that suitcase again
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until I was back home with my family
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at the end of the summer.
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Now, I tell you this story about summer camp.
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I could have told you 50 others just like it --
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all the times that I got the message
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that somehow my quiet and introverted style of being
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was not necessarily the right way to go,
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that I should be trying to pass as more of an extrovert.
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And I always sensed deep down that this was wrong
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and that introverts were pretty excellent just as they were.
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But for years I denied this intuition,
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and so I became a Wall Street lawyer, of all things,
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instead of the writer that I had always longed to be --
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partly because I needed to prove to myself
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that I could be bold and assertive too.
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And I was always going off to crowded bars
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when I really would have preferred to just have a nice dinner with friends.
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And I made these self-negating choices
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so reflexively,
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that I wasn't even aware that I was making them.
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Now this is what many introverts do,
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and it's our loss for sure,
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but it is also our colleagues' loss
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and our communities' loss.
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And at the risk of sounding grandiose, it is the world's loss.
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Because when it comes to creativity and to leadership,
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we need introverts doing what they do best.
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A third to a half of the population are introverts --
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a third to a half.
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So that's one out of every two or three people you know.
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So even if you're an extrovert yourself,
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I'm talking about your coworkers
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and your spouses and your children
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and the person sitting next to you right now --
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all of them subject to this bias
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that is pretty deep and real in our society.
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We all internalize it from a very early age
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without even having a language for what we're doing.
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Now to see the bias clearly
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you need to understand what introversion is.
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It's different from being shy.
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Shyness is about fear of social judgment.
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Introversion is more about,
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how do you respond to stimulation,
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including social stimulation.
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So extroverts really crave large amounts of stimulation,
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whereas introverts feel at their most alive
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and their most switched-on and their most capable
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when they're in quieter, more low-key environments.
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Not all the time -- these things aren't absolute --
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but a lot of the time.
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So the key then
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to maximizing our talents
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is for us all to put ourselves
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in the zone of stimulation that is right for us.
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But now here's where the bias comes in.
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Our most important institutions,
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our schools and our workplaces,
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they are designed mostly for extroverts
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and for extroverts' need for lots of stimulation.
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And also we have this belief system right now
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that I call the new groupthink,
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which holds that all creativity and all productivity
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comes from a very oddly gregarious place.
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So if you picture the typical classroom nowadays:
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When I was going to school,
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we sat in rows.
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We sat in rows of desks like this,
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and we did most of our work pretty autonomously.
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But nowadays, your typical classroom
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has pods of desks --
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four or five or six or seven kids all facing each other.
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And kids are working in countless group assignments.
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Even in subjects like math and creative writing,
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which you think would depend on solo flights of thought,
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kids are now expected to act as committee members.
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And for the kids who prefer
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to go off by themselves or just to work alone,
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those kids are seen as outliers often
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or, worse, as problem cases.
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And the vast majority of teachers reports believing
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that the ideal student is an extrovert
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as opposed to an introvert,
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even though introverts actually get better grades
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and are more knowledgeable,
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according to research.
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(Laughter)
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Okay, same thing is true in our workplaces.
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Now, most of us work in open plan offices,
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without walls,
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where we are subject
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to the constant noise and gaze of our coworkers.
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And when it comes to leadership,
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introverts are routinely passed over for leadership positions,
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even though introverts tend to be very careful,
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much less likely to take outsize risks --
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which is something we might all favor nowadays.
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And interesting research by Adam Grant at the Wharton School
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has found that introverted leaders
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often deliver better outcomes than extroverts do,
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because when they are managing proactive employees,
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they're much more likely to let those employees run with their ideas,
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whereas an extrovert can, quite unwittingly,
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get so excited about things
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that they're putting their own stamp on things,
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and other people's ideas might not as easily then
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bubble up to the surface.
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Now in fact, some of our transformative leaders in history have been introverts.
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I'll give you some examples.
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Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Gandhi --
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all these peopled described themselves
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as quiet and soft-spoken and even shy.
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And they all took the spotlight,
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even though every bone in their bodies
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was telling them not to.
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And this turns out to have a special power all its own,
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because people could feel that these leaders were at the helm,
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not because they enjoyed directing others
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and not out of the pleasure of being looked at;
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they were there because they had no choice,
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because they were driven to do what they thought was right.
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Now I think at this point it's important for me to say
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that I actually love extroverts.
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I always like to say some of my best friends are extroverts,
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including my beloved husband.
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And we all fall at different points, of course,
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along the introvert/extrovert spectrum.
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Even Carl Jung, the psychologist who first popularized these terms, said
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that there's no such thing as a pure introvert
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or a pure extrovert.
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He said that such a man would be in a lunatic asylum,
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if he existed at all.
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And some people fall smack in the middle
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of the introvert/extrovert spectrum,
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and we call these people ambiverts.
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And I often think that they have the best of all worlds.
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But many of us do recognize ourselves as one type or the other.
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And what I'm saying is that culturally we need a much better balance.
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We need more of a yin and yang
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between these two types.
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This is especially important
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when it comes to creativity and to productivity,
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because when psychologists look
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at the lives of the most creative people,
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what they find
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are people who are very good at exchanging ideas
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and advancing ideas,
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but who also have a serious streak of introversion in them.
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And this is because solitude is a crucial ingredient often
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to creativity.
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So Darwin,
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he took long walks alone in the woods
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and emphatically turned down dinner party invitations.
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Theodor Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss,
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he dreamed up many of his amazing creations
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in a lonely bell tower office that he had
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in the back of his house in La Jolla, California.
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And he was actually afraid to meet
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the young children who read his books
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for fear that they were expecting him
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this kind of jolly Santa Claus-like figure
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and would be disappointed with his more reserved persona.
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Steve Wozniak invented the first Apple computer
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sitting alone in his cubical
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in Hewlett-Packard where he was working at the time.
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And he says that he never would have become such an expert in the first place
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had he not been too introverted to leave the house
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when he was growing up.
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Now of course,
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this does not mean that we should all stop collaborating --
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and case in point, is Steve Wozniak famously coming together with Steve Jobs
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to start Apple Computer --
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but it does mean that solitude matters
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and that for some people
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it is the air that they breathe.
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And in fact, we have known for centuries
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about the transcendent power of solitude.
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It's only recently that we've strangely begun to forget it.
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If you look at most of the world's major religions,
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you will find seekers --
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Moses, Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad --
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seekers who are going off by themselves
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alone to the wilderness
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where they then have profound epiphanies and revelations
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that they then bring back to the rest of the community.
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So no wilderness, no revelations.
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This is no surprise though
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if you look at the insights of contemporary psychology.
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It turns out that we can't even be in a group of people
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without instinctively mirroring, mimicking their opinions.
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Even about seemingly personal and visceral things
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like who you're attracted to,
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you will start aping the beliefs of the people around you