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It's a new year which means many laws
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that were passed last year are now going into effect.
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So tonight, we're gonna take a look at some of the laws
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you need to know about in our ongoing segment,
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"New Laws, Who Dis?"
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-♪ ♪ -(applause and cheering)
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First up-- Arkansas.
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It's one of the top 50 states in America.
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(laughter)
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And now, a new law there is shaking up the world of science.
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The Natural State is taking a stance against human cloning.
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A new law in Arkansas bans
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public funding for human cloning
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or destructive embryo research.
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The penalty-- a class A misdemeanor and $1,000 fine.
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Oh. Sorry, people of Arkansas.
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New year, no new you. That's right.
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If you try to do human cloning in Arkansas,
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you will face a $1,000 fine.
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Which doesn't seem like enough to stop someone from doing it.
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I'm not gonna lie.
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Like, I don't know if there's a mad scientist somewhere
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who's like, "My clone army will take over the world!
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"Wait. A thousand dollars? Mah! Forget it!
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I'll go back to the carwash."
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For real, $1,000 is not much of a fine to get a clone.
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Like, especially if you can just split the fine
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with your clone. Then it's half.
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You know who I really feel bad for?
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All the twins in Arkansas. Yeah.
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'Cause the cops are gonna be stopping them all the time like,
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"We don't take to clones around here."
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It's like, "No, we were born this way."
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"Prove it. Describe your Mom's vagina."
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(laughter, groaning)
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But the new laws of 2020 aren't just
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about what you can do with your body.
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Some of them are also about what you are putting into it.
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On New Year's Day,
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the FDA's new nutritional labeling rules kicked in,
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launching a host of changes to the way
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that manufacturers are required to label packaged foods.
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One of the biggest changes
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that you'll notice requires large food manufacturers
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to list two different columns
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on the nutrition labels for their products.
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So one listing the nutrition facts for a single serving,
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the other new label listing the nutrition facts
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-for the entire package. -WOMAN 2: Ah.
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-WOMAN: So think, bag of chips, pint of ice cream. -Mm.
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Anything not good for that New Year's resolution.
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-Yes. Yes. -(laughter, applause)
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Thank you. Thank you.
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This has been pissing me off for so long.
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How you gonna put the serving,
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and then the bag is another serving?
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Like, I picked up a bag of chips,
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and it's, like, 100 calories. I'm like, "Oh, that's great."
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Then after I eat the bag, I look back.
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It's, like, five servings per bag.
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What the hell! Why would you put five servings into one bag?
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What, you think I'm gonna call four of my friends, like,
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"You guys want to come over? I've got a bag of chips!"
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(laughter)
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But even with the new label,
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a lot of people don't even understand what calories mean.
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So I think they need to give us practical information,
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you know, like how much your tummy will hurt
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after you eat the food. Yeah.
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How many pimples you'll get the next day.
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Maybe, like, a scratch-and-sniff label to let you know
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how your farts will smell after you eat the food. Yeah?
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So you can be like... (sniffs) "Oh, Goddam!
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Yeah, I'm still gonna eat them."
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I do like having the information, though.
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I won't lie.
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In fact, I wish they did it for more than just food.
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Wouldn't it be great if people came
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with warning labels with nutrition, yeah?
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So you knew what you were getting into
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when you meet someone.
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Be like, "Wow. Two servings of douchebag.
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"Okay, okay. Well, I can work with that.
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I can work with it."
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(applause and cheering)
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And finally, while the FDA is working to be more transparent,
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New Jersey has a new law
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allowing some things to stay private.
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MAN: 18 new laws go into effect in New Jersey this year.
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One of the most talked about is a law barring employers
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from using salary history to screen potential workers.
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The bill's sponsor says employers were
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previously able to ask about salary history,
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which they argue perpetuated a wage gap
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that favored men over women.
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Okay, now this is actually a great law.
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Because, you see, before this,
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instead of paying people based on the work,
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some employers were underpaying people
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based on their previous earnings,
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which was suppressing, especially women's wages.
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If you don't get paid well, you go to the next job.
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They're like, "How much were you paid?
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We'll pay you the same, but a little bit more."
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The wage gap just continued to grow.
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But now, bosses can't ask that question.
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I bet they're gonna find ways to try, though, you know?
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Yeah, they're just gonna be like,
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"So, uh, when you watch Hulu, do you have ads?"
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(laughter)
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"Okay. No? Okay, okay, okay.
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Can you start on Monday? Okay."
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So hopefully, this new law will help a lot of people,
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because your past salary shouldn't determine
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what you get in the future.
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I mean, imagine if that happened with other things in life.
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Like, when you get into a new relationship,
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they negotiate based on your previous one, you know?
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You'd be like, "So my ex only lasted two minutes in bed."
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Be like, "Okay, well, great.
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"Uh, I'll bump that up to three and a half.
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Is that good? Yeah?"